Sexy Daria
by Shiva-J
Summary: Meet Daria Morgendorffer, a beautiful sex bomb who used her looks to become the most popular girl in Highland, and plans to do the same as she comes to Lawndale. But with a toxic family life, can Daria be both herself and sexy? Well maybe the Alice in Wonderland pinup on her lowerback can answer that for her...
1. Sexesteemsters

**Sexy Daria: Sexesteemsters**

As the Morgendorffer's new Lexus sped down the streets of their new hometown of Lawndale, Jake Morgendorffer first glanced to look at his youngest daughter Quinn, wearing her usual pink-tshirt with a happy face, fashionable jeans and shoes, and her flawless makeup and hair done up to be casual, yet fashionable.

He then glanced up at the rearview mirror to check on his eldest daughter Daria, who was wearing _her _usual ensemble of a red strapless top, very low cut which showed up her ample cleavage and those two red cherries she had had tattooed on either breast.

Her midriff was bare, which revealed her rhinestone dangling belly piercing, her even lower cut jeans and white sandals showed up her pretty feet and painted toes, which matched her nails.

Daria had styled her beautiful auburn hair and her makeup was minimal, yet alluring, even more so with her very unique red heart-shaped glasses.

The Morgendorffers had long since given up fighting their eldest daughter on her provocative appearance, it just wasn't worth it.

"Girls," Jake began, "I know that moving to a new town can be difficult, but look on the bright side, in this new place you can become something new… someone new."

"We moved?" Daria asked in her breathy voice, yet the bite of cattiness was clearly present.

"Ha." Jake laughed and then looked around nervously at his surroundings as if he wasn't sure himself.

Quinn then decided that the merciful thing would be to shut them both up before it got any worse, so she turned on the car radio and turned it up.

Daria then began to sing along to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", which in her lusty voice sounded even more obscene than it had to Tipper Gore when Cyndi Laupner sang it.

Jake then did the even more merciful thing and turned the radio back off and ignored Daria's complaint of, "Hey, I was singing to that!"

The rest of the drive was silent, neither Jake nor Quinn wanted to deal with Daria, and she didn't particularly care to speak to them.

They pulled up in front of the new school where Daria and Quinn would be attending as a Sophomore and Freshman respectively.

Quinn stepped out first and within five seconds had already attracted a crowd, but Daria just smirked and said, "Wait until they get a load of me."

She completely ignored her useless father and stepped out of the car, while Jake took one look at Daria from behind and sighed at the sight of her latest tattoo, which was a pretty little pinup of Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

As he drove off, Daria did what she did best, she strolled on by the crowd around Quinn, letting her rolling hips and her rose scented perfume do the introduction.

It only took a few seconds for people's attention to be drawn away from her annoyingly shallow and prudish younger sister and focus on her.

"And like, who are you?" some snotty so-called popular girl asked.

"I'm Daria," Daria answered in her most breathy of tones, "Daria Morgendorffer."

That was enough to have the popular girls eyeball Quinn, who wilted under their gazes, Daria grinned as Quinn began to deny being related to her.

"I'm Quinn's older, better sister." Daria added and gave a very pretty grin as she got the reaction she was looking for.

Quinn screamed and ran off crying towards the school.

Daria then turned her attention to what mattered at the moment, the boys.

"And who are you stranger?" Daria asked the guy that had been the first to talk to Quinn.

"I'm Corey." He said stuttering at the sight of the Goddess that had appeared before him.

Daria smiled and strolled on closer to him with her thumbs cocked into the pockets of her very low-cut jeans.

"That's cool." Daria said once she was a few inches from him, she then took his hand into her own and raised it to her lips and then said, "I'm sure we'll get to know each other better soon."

Then she gave his middle finger a lick from her tongue.

That was what sent the poor lad over the edge, Corey passed out and from the stain that grew on his pants it was obvious that he had reached climax as well.

Daria just laughed and gave all the guys a winning smile (and ignored the ice cold glares of the girls) and tweaked what she had just said a little bit.

"I'm sure I'll get to know everyone better soon enough."

Then without another word she took her usual strolling stride into Lawndale High for the first time, letting everyone get a good look at her rear assets.

And the pretty Alice pinup that dangled oh so prettily over her ass crack.

* * *

Daria suppressed a sigh of boredom while she, her sister, and four other students reached the end of a very dull tour conducted by Lawndale High's Principal, Ms. Angela Li.

"Wow," Daria thought to herself, "She really believes her own bullshit." As the Principal finished her introductory speech, while invoking the name of the school as if it was the Vatican.

This was going to be bad.

It got even worse once Ms. Li concluded with, "…and that's why you'll be taking a small psychological exam to spot any little clouds on the horizon as you sail the student seas of Lawndale High."

When she reached the words 'little clouds', the oriental woman in the grey pantsuit had taken the opportunity to issue another thinly veiled death-glare at Daria.

Daria simply folded her arms in front of her ample chest and ignored her, Ms. Li's first reaction at meeting Daria had been a mix of shock, horror, and disgust that had been very amusing.

Of course the two guys in the group, the nerdy one and the one who looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo had immediately offered to carry her backpack, get her something to drink, and pretty much anything and everything she could require.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the conservatively dressed girl had sniffed and held her nose up high and gone out of her way to give Daria the cold shoulder.

Quinn had almost immediately joined her, and began chatting with her, despite that girl being someone she would normally _never_ associate with.

But the other oddball girl, the one with red hair and wearing an ankh had simply taken a step back and was clearly playing the role of bemused observer.

It was a role that Daria often played in her head, even when most people just assumed she didn't _have _a thought in her head at all.

But back in the present, Quinn had heard the word 'test' and immediately panicked, "No one said anything about tests?!"

Daria gave a small, cheerful smile, (which coincidentally caused both Shaggy and the Nerdy Guy to nearly have small seizures) and said in her breathy, "Don't worry Quinn, someone like you is exempt."

"Phew!" Quinn breathed with obvious relief.

"Those tests only work on people with functioning brain cells." Daria finished, her breathy voice a touch more cold than it had been before.

Daria's smile grew as Quinn and Ms. Li both gave her dark looks, the two guys laughed even though they didn't understand what the joke was about, and the red headed girl wearing the ankh simply smiled and gave Daria a respectful nod.

"What's your name?" Daria asked her quietly once Ms. Li's focus shifted back to taking them to their next destination.

"Scarlett LeVey." She answered while one of her hands strayed up and began playing with the ankh.

"I'm Daria Morgendorffer." Daria answered quietly as the group reached a quiet strip of hallway and were brought to an area with an office door that said "M. Manson: Student Guidance Counselor"

Daria took a seat on one of the chairs leaning next to the door, wondering what she would have to put up with next.

* * *

Daria and Quinn found themselves being taken in as a pair, since everyone else had gone in as groups of two, they were forced to sit next to each other in front of an older woman wearing a doctor's coat.

However Daria noted that there hadn't been an actual M.D. attached to her name on the office door and within five seconds was convinced that M. Manson was putting on airs.

The 'doctor' held up a Rorschach card of a man and woman talking and asked Quinn to make up a conversation based on the picture.

"But I'm exempt!" Quinn complained, which caused Daria no small amount of amusement.

To her credit, Mrs. Manson manipulated Quinn into doing what she wanted by saying, "Don't worry, you won't be graded."

"Uhm… Ok!" Quinn exclaimed before making up her conversation.

"They're having an argument about how despite having gone steady for a week, he keeps staring at her older sister. The girl is telling him, 'Look buster, just because she's the town tramp doesn't mean that you can eye hump her whenever she's in the damn room. Are you listening to me? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

Quinn roared the last in a rage, having internalized this conversation, and while Mrs. Manson blanched, Daria couldn't hold it in anymore, she laughed at both their expenses.

Manson gave the other girl, the one her file said was Quinn's sister, and clearly the tramp that the younger Morgendorffer had been referring to a cold look and said.

"Ok Quinn, that was… Good. Now Dora."

"It's Daria." She replied, the breathiness vanishing from her voice, clearly annoyed.

"I'm sorry, _Daria_, now what do you see?"

"Hmm…" Daria said while putting a perfectly manicured red nail to her chin, "A herd of pretty ponies running across an open field."

Manson looked a little worried at this obvious airheadiness and said, "It's isn't ponies, it's two people."

The vampy girl pouted and frowned, "The last time I did this test they said it could be whatever I wanted!"

"That's a different test." Manson explained with her own annoyance obvious even to Quinn.

"Oh," Daria replied in much more breathy tones, "Ok then… It's two people and they're talking about… a herd of pretty ponies running across an open field."

Daria then drank in both Quinn and Manson's discomfort with obvious pleasure, letting one of her pretty nails tap the table top with a pretty tinkle-tinkle pattern.

* * *

Jane Lane, she of the red coat, black jeans, combat boots, pierced ears, and the ever present sketch pad glanced a blurry gaze upon the new student who just walked in and did a double take.

"Oh, this must be the new girl that everyone's talking about." Jane realized, the vaguely heard rumors that were already swirling about the new sex kitten reentered her weary brain.

Mr. DeMartino in the meanwhile was clearly planning one of his 'trial's by fire' for the new girl, his right eye bulging out of it's socket, making him look even more demented than before.

"And so class," he said, "we have a new STUdent joining us today. Please welcome Daria Morgendorffer. Daria, raise your HAND, please."

Daria raised one of her hands and gave an embarrassed smile at the rest of the student body, three seconds in and the guys all had the look of having just been hit in the foreheads with hammers, the girls were giving their very best death glares.

With two notable exceptions, an overweight Goth girl who was currently asleep, and an artsy looking type who just looked tired.

The teacher, Mr. DeMartino then gave a very evil laugh and said, "Well since you HAVE your hand UP Daria let me ask you a question, and while it MIght be unFAIR to ask a new STUdent a QUEStion about our PREvious assignments… Let's see what you know."

"Ok!" Daria said in a breathy, perky voice that reminded everyone of the cheerleader Brittany Taylor, who was giving Daria the same death glare that the other girls were.

DeMartino's smile grew even more twisted.

"Ok then Daria," he replied, "Last week we did a unit on westward expansion, so could you tell me what the Doctrine of Manifest Destiny was?"

At that, Daria allowed her own smile to grow and she said in her most breathy of tones, while leaning in a way so her cleavage was a touch more visible.

"Manifest Destiny was the idea that it was God's will that America expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean, regardless of little things like other nations and peoples who already dwelt there."

Daria kept her pretty face frozen in a happy smile as dead, absolute silence filled the room, in one fell swoop she had stunned and amazed and it had only taken a minimum of effort.

She glanced at the teacher who stood like a statue, his plan to humiliate the tart having fallen to pieces and leaving him looking like a complete jerk.

Daria then shrugged her shoulders and walked over to the only empty seat in the room, not bothering to wait for DeMartino to start talking.

Next to her was the artsy girl, and a punk kid in combat boots with a nose chain and blue hair, they and everyone else in the room had turned their heads to look at her like an exhibit at the zoo.

Daria simply smiled and opened her book, wondering when the teacher would snap out of it and resume the class lesson.

"This might be awhile." Daria thought to herself while flipping through her history book, noting that it was very outdated.

And it was, awhile before DeMartino pulled himself together and resumed teaching, or as much as he could considering the other idiots in the room.

* * *

The rest of the day went by in a very enjoyable blur for Daria, since word spread that the new 'School Slut' had showed up Mr. DeMartino and revealed a very impressive intellect as well.

Every single teacher that she had encountered that day had tried to put her to the test, and she had had fun toying with every single one of them.

"Oh Ms. Barch, I was just showing Brittany how to dissect her frog, I mean I finished mine a few minutes ago and the poor dear needed help… Unless you wanted Upchuck to help her instead?"

"Mrs. Bennett I don't think you articulated the concept of Keynesian Economics properly, now the key thing to remember about the subject is…"

"Well I _have _done gymnastics before Coach Morris, but this reminds me more of cheerleading, which I don't do myself…"

On and on it had gone, in each class her reputation as a genius grew even as the popular girls struggled to find a way to bring her down.

The rumors of Daria's alleged sexual escapades and venereal diseases had grown to biblical proportions by the start of lunch.

Daria held court at an empty table that filled in a matter of moments with boys, lots of boys, in fact so many boys that the ones who arrived after the first wave began fighting each other in order to get a shot at sitting at the same table as Daria.

Daria simply sighed and opened up her pretty little white purse and pulled out a whistle and put it to her red lips and blew into it, hard.

The harsh, discordian piercing sound echoed across the entire Cafeteria, bringing everything to a screeching halt, and caused Kevin Thompson to run out of the cafeteria, thinking that football practice had started.

"Fellas," Daria said in a voice that carried very well, and in tones much less breathy than before, "I don't need you all fighting over little, old me. I think to prevent this sort of thing I'll set up a schedule for who can join me and when, sound fair?"

Pretty much every single guy nodded their heads in approval, thinking that it was very fair and that surely _they _had what it took to win over Daria.

"Just write down your names on some paper and make sure I get them by the end of the day." Daria said with a small grin, "I'll sort things out as I get to know you, and see who can make the cut."

Her smile grew even more when she took note of the glares from the (formerly) popular girls, who now realized that they were effectively sunk.

"And poor little Quinn…" Daria thought to herself with joy, "I wonder how she's taking all of this."

At the first signs of the fight, Quinn had in fact run out of the cafeteria and went to the bathroom to cry her eyes out, again.

Unnoticed by Daria at the moment, Jane Lane had watched the entire episode play out before her like a pay-per-view match and couldn't help but ask herself.

"Ok so she's scary intelligent, I mean hell! She's shown up every single teacher she's come across so far, so why the Superslut act?"

* * *

"And so I was offered positions in quite a few clubs and groups and stuff, until Daria showed up and ruined everything!" Quinn complained over her lasagna while giving her sister, Daria a dirty look.

Daria simply ignored her and picked at the salad that she had prepared for herself, preferring to make her own food most of the time than live off of lasagna like the rest of the family.

From the other side of the table, their mother, Helen Morgendorffer asked, "Well Quinn did you join any extracurriculars?"

"Well," Quinn began a bit more quietly, "I did join this group called the Fashion Club and they made me Vice President, since it's for, you know, girls that respect fashion, and themselves."

Quinn had turned her gaze back to Daria as she said the last bit, but Daria continued eating her salad without missing a beat.

"What about you Daria?" Helen asked, hoping to head off another fight that would result in Quinn freaking out again.

"Hmm, what?" Daria said, "Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"Have you joined any activities?"

"Well I was offered membership in, well, quite a few things, but I'm going to keep my options open for the moment, get a feel for the place first."

Daria noted the look of worry and concern in her mother's face and decided to make her feel a bit better by adding, "I'll decide soon enough, don't worry about it."

Her father, Jake Morgendorffer finally bothered to look up from his newspaper and issued a random "That's great!"

Daria couldn't resist a small grin as Helen decided to take out some frustration by snapping at her husband, the dynamics of her family certainly did make for some twisted entertainment.

The conversation then began to turn to a more general discussion about school when the phone rang and Helen got up to answer it.

Daria finished her salad in the meanwhile and took her bowl and silverware to the sink and by the time she sat back down and opened up her dog-eared copy of _Nineteen Eighty-Four_ Helen swept back in the room and asked.

"Did you two girls take a psychological exam today?"

Quinn immediately complained that she had been told that they wouldn't be graded by the Councilor.

Daria just kept her focus on the book, she'd rather deal with a fictional Big Brother than a real one.

"Well sweetie, you two didn't _fail _but they think that you both have… self-esteem issues and they want you both to take a special class, then they'll test you again."

"I don't have self-esteem issues!" Quinn moaned bitterly, "I have 'slutty sister' issues!"

"Quinn…" Helen said sadly, but she didn't fight her daughter on the issue, especially since Daria was still wearing the same outfit she had worn to school for her first day.

"I don't have self-esteem problems either," Daria said quietly while reading her book.

"That's great kiddo!" Jake issued once more while buried in his newspaper, latching onto the positive words that Daria had said without any understanding of the conversation.

"It's everyone else that has issues with me." Daria said very flatly, almost completely without any emotion whatsoever.

And that killed the conversation at the Morgendorffer dinner table.

* * *

Angela Li skimmed the reports, the files from Highland High, Ms. Manson's notes, and the assessments from every single teach on the girl that had caused quite the splash on her very first day.

"She's a freaking genius!" Li breathed as she double checked the grades and came up with the same results, "But the way she acts… Eek!"

The girl, Daria G. Morgendorffer had had some of the best grades in the State of Texas, had tripped up President Clinton during a campaign Q&A, wrote for her school newspaper, even published some articles in the local paper.

But on the flip side, she had a reputation as a heartbreaker, a manipulator, and if half the gossip gathered from the popular girls through the bugs was true, a complete whore!

"Well the Self-esteem classes should sort that out." Ms. Li said to herself with a proud snort, "She clearly is compensating for a complete lack of self-worth, I can't imagine how screwed up her home life must be to produce someone like this."

At least her younger sister, Quinn, was trying to conform, she just needed a boost as well, much easier to sort out.

* * *

Quinn had left the house early and well ahead of Daria, knowing by instinct that if she lingered and had to go to school with Daria in tow that something would have happened that would render her miserable.

She was quite correct in this regard as Daria's newest pets, Jamie White, Joey Black, and Jeffy Grey, otherwise called the Three J's had run up to the most beautiful girl they had ever encountered and offered to carry her bags, pencils, or what have you.

Daria was nearly tempted to force the blond one (Jamie) to carry her purse, but thought better of it.

"You can make them useful, with a little training of course." Daria's inner voice whispered to her, dishing out very good advice.

So instead Daria pulled out a packet of gum from said purse and gave it to Jamie to keep an eye on.

Then she had to remind them a couple of times that she didn't like fighting and held up the whistle as a reminder.

"Besides," Daria said in very breathy tones, "There's plenty of me to go around…"

She had all three boys, hook, line, and sinker.

Her arrival at Lawndale High for her second day was indicative of the new tone, the bulk of the girls held up their noses and acted like Daria was scum, the boys swarmed around her like the Queen Bee that she was, which caused no shortage of traffic disruptions in the hallways.

The girls who were attracted to other girls looked at Daria as if she was Heaven sent, but most of them thought it was a vain hope.

"Oh how wrong they are," Daria thought to herself as a black girl in a white shirt didn't even bother to hide her ardent desire and blatantly stared as Daria walked past, "I play for both teams."

Daria asked her suitors which of them were in Ms. Defoe's art class during her hour, then after spending a few minutes sorting out who was tell the truth and who was lying, she got the ones who were to carry her things and headed off to her class.

* * *

Daria Morgendorffer was already fond of Ms. Defoe, since she was the only teacher at Lawndale High that hadn't tried to put her to the test, but had instead treated her as if she was any other student.

Granted Daria did have fun in proving that she was good with drawing and painting during yesterday's lesson, that fun hadn't come at the expense of the teacher.

Today's official lesson involved perspective, which Daria demonstrated by drawing the required cube and earned Defoe's praise.

"Impressive Ms. Morgendorffer," the hippie holdover said cheerfully, "You've created a shape that truly bursts from the paper, it's the illusion of depth done correctly!"

"Oh Ms. Defoe," Daria replied in her usual breathy tones, "If I wanted to create illusions of depth I'd go into politics."

This earned her a hearty laugh from the teacher who then glanced at the other occupant of Daria's table, which was a very unusually unhappy cheerleader named Brittany Taylor.

"Maybe you should try again." Ms. Defoe said wearily as she handed Brittany a new pencil and paper.

Daria glanced at Brittany, the pretty, perky, blond cheerleader, and felt bad that someone so happy was so dejected.

"Even if she's a few bulbs short of a Christmas tree." Daria snarked to herself within her mind.

Then the cheerleader noticed that the slutty, but _smart _girl from her history class was both A) Sitting next to her, and B) had already done the assignment correctly.

"Um… Daria is it?" Brittany asked hesitantly, not sure if she would catch something sitting so close to a girl so… so openly sexual.

"Yes?" Daria replied with her breathily seductive voice.

"Can you help me with this?"

"Sure Brittany, no prob." Daria replied and seemingly joyfully spent the next five minutes creating a little story for Brittany as she did the drawing for her.

"Yea!" Brittany cheered once Daria finished the story, and presented her with the drawing, "You know Daria… I'm having a party in a couple of nights and since, well, you know you helped me and all, would you like to come?"

"Sure Brit." Daria replied kindly, glad that her moment of charity had yielded some results with one of the girls.

Then Brittany clearly had some second thoughts since her demeanor shifted towards less than perky, Daria guessed it was about her… reputation.

"Don't worry Brittany, I won't do any man-stealing, I'm in the mood to party, not cause drama."

"Oh that's good!" Brittany replied while twirling her hair, visibly relieved.

"Though I will need to find a date… Otherwise I think we'll have fights in the halls." Daria thought aloud.

"Just don't steal my Kevy!" Brittany warned her with a wag of her finger.

"I won't," Daria promised sincerely, since she had already seen Kevin Thompson in DeMartino's class and was… "Less than impressed." Was Daria very polite conclusion to that.

Brittany cheered again, and accidently spilt water on her new drawing, ruining it.

Daria just sighed and grabbed some more paper, already thinking of a new story to tell Brittany to distract her.

* * *

The rest of the day went by in another fun filled blur, even at lunch a new hierarchy had been established, Daria had picked some random guys from a hat to join her table, though one seat was reserved for a potential friend, Scarlett LeVey.

"How do you put up with all this?" Scarlett asked her quietly once everyone was settled.

"You get used to it." Daria replied with a sweet smile as she eyed the school food with slight disgust.

The J's had joined her, as had a popular rich guy named Skylar Feldman, though he was a bit full of himself, but the guy who got the honor of sitting to Daria's right, since Scarlett was at her left, was a football player named Robert Tavare.

"His memory is very poor, but he's very polite, and it isn't just because he's after the obvious thing." Daria noted to herself about the to-be-determined ethnicity of Robert, who was easily the biggest football player at Lawndale.

There were some other guys present, a couple of them even talked to Scarlett, though it was obvious they were just being polite rather than actually interested in what the weird girl with the ankh had to say.

Several people issued her invites to this and that, but Daria had to wave them away, "I'm stuck in some insipid class after school, they think I have self-esteem issues. Ha!"

All of the guys instantly agreed that Daria didn't have any issues with her self-esteem whatsoever and offered to try and get her out of the class.

"Guys…" She said softly over the clamor, and then was forced to wave the whistle around to get their attention.

"Don't worry," she said very softly and warmly, "If there's a way out early, I'll find it."

That was enough to get all the guys beaming in joy, though Daria suspected that she wouldn't be so happy after her regular classes were over.

* * *

The Self-Esteem Class really _was _as bad as Daria suspected it would be, a half a dozen students were scattered about the room while her 'Language Arts' teacher, the extremely emotional so-called 'New Age' type, Mr. O'Neill prattled pure drivel.

Daria sighed, which coincidentally made her chest heave-ho oh so beautifully, breaking the teacher's concentration.

Quinn did her best to ignore this, having seated herself on the opposite end of the room and towards the back as far as she dared to go.

Daria began to raise a perfectly manicured hand up to ask O'Neill what the hell he was talking about when a voice emerged from behind her.

"Don't bother, he's just reading a prepared speech, he doesn't know this stuff at all."

Daria turned to see who was speaking to her, and discovered it was the artistic girl with whom she shared several classes but had never actually spoken too before.

"How would you know that?" Daria asked out of pure curiosity.

"I've done this six times now." Was the reply.

"Really? Why not just get out of the class then?"

"I like having low self-esteem, it makes me feel special." Jane Lane replied, testing her theory to see if this girl really _was _on the same wave length as her.

The small, sardonic grin that Daria Morgendorffer gave her was answer enough.

* * *

Daria Morgendorffer waited until she was absolutely sure that the two men in suits had left before falling down into a nearby sofa to give an exhausted, nervous laugh.

"Well since they didn't deliver the letter, they can't say that you can be legally evicted within thirty days yet Ms. Lane." Daria said in between laughs.

Jane tried to brush all of this off, but her extreme fear and worry was painfully obvious, "I'll have to dig for my parent's checkbook and do some forging."

"Do it now before you forget." Daria advised, then realizing that this wasn't something you could easily forget.

She began to apologize, but Jane just said, "No it's ok, I'll be right back." Then she moved in a near sprint up the stairs to what Daria presumed was her parents' bedroom.

"I wonder where they are?" Daria thought to herself, feeling like she had just fallen down a rabbit hole and not sure if she'd wind up in Wonderland or not.

Then she heard a sexy, drawling voice begin to sing and play the old Nirvana song, "Come As You Go" from up the stairs.

Daria raised a beautifully maintained eyebrow up and let her legs follow the sounds, the guitar playing was good, the voice beautiful, and she hoped that he could do more than covers.

Whoever he was.

Her legs led her to an open door, which led her to the messiest room she had been in since she had last been in Beavis and Butthead's house in Highland.

And on the bed, playing a beat up Fender guitar, making music issue from worn out strings, was a scrawny but toned sex god with piercings, tattoos, shaggy jet black hair, a soul patch, and big brown eyes.

Daria sucked in a breath, he was beautiful.

When she exhaled and stepped into the room, the scent of her rose perfume filled the room like the manna of heaven, drawing the attention of the guy, who stopped his playing to turn and see who had entered.

His drooping, tired eyes came wide open and he said in an alluring drawl, "Um… Hi."

"Hi back." Daria managed to say back.

The pair then just stood there like deer's in a set of headlights for nearly two minutes before Jane came running down the hallways back towards the living room before her brain registered the sight of Daria's back in Trent's room.

Jane then made a couple of slow steps back and then cleared her throat and nearly laughed at the cartoon panic reactions of the two of them.

"Oh Daria this is my brother Trent, Trent this is Daria Morgendorffer. I met her in O'Neill's Self-Esteem class."

"Oh," Trent replied, "Are they still making you do that?"

"Yeah, it's a total joke, right Daria?" Jane asked while poking an elbow in Daria's very visible side.

"Yeah, it is a total joke…" Daria then trailed off as she tried to think of something cool to say, then she had a brainstorm, "You know if you already know all the coursework, let's just take the stupid test and get out of it before we both lose our minds."

Jane nearly said that they wouldn't be allowed to do it, then she remembered O'Neill's reaction to Daria's breathing, heaving chest.

"Hmm… Not a bad idea Morgendorffer. Not bad at all…"

* * *

Daria was a bit late getting back to the Morgendorffer's new home, after her stay at Jane's she had gone to the local mall to pick up a few things, and had spotted Quinn slipping out of Cashman's with even more bags than Daria carried in three months' worth of shopping.

"Hmm… When the credit card bills come at the end of the month remember to have a camera handy." Daria noted to herself at the time, at least _she _stayed within budget whenever she did her shopping.

"Not that they would appreciate it at the moment." Daria thought to herself with a sigh as the guy… Zachary she thought, pulled up in front of her house.

"Thank you for coming for me," Daria said in very friendly tones, "I wasn't sure how I'd make it home otherwise…"

"No prob…" Zachary began before Daria cut him off with a kiss, which she ensured lasted for a few minutes before breaking it off with a white lie of "I think my parents heard us."

Then once her bags were in hand, Zachary (or whoever) sped away, feeling like a million bucks and under the delusion that he was a step further towards getting in Daria's pants.

Daria quietly stepped in and saw her father at his vigil, which meant he had been watching sports, drinking martinis, and reading a newspaper and had passed out within five minutes on the couch.

"Mom's at work pulling another twelve hour shift apparently." Daria noted since if Helen had been home, she would have woken Jake up at some point to either sleep with him, or go to bed.

Daria didn't bother leaving a note, her father would forget everything in the morning and mother would be distracted by something at work or by her new boss Eric to care.

"And Quinn wouldn't dare call attention to how late I was lest she risk me spilling the beans on her latest shopping trip." Daria thought with glee as she quietly crept up the stairs with her bags and entered her very cool room.

The previous owners had had a scizo shut in for a relative, so the walls were padded, the windows had had bars until her parents had hired people to saw them off.

Daria Gianna Morgendorffer wouldn't let her mother redecorate this room for anything in the world, it was perfect.

Some of things Daria had picked up were to augment her current collection of 'pretties', others were a bit more demure, all of them would look amazing on her.

At this point it didn't really matter what she wore to school, the image she wanted imbedded in people's minds was firmly in place.

"Hell I could dress as a Nun and everyone would still see me as Daria the Sex Goddess." Daria said to herself while pulling out clothes and hanging them up in her closet.

Then she wondered if she should invest in a Sexy Nun's habit for Halloween, then decided to put it off until October rolled around.

* * *

At the breakfast table, Daria enjoyed some toast and apple butter while her father and mother sucked down coffee from the pot like a teat, Quinn was eating carrot sticks.

Quinn's mindless chatter served as white noise until Daria heard some actual words relevant to her jump out.

"And I was invited to the party of course, since I'm, you know, one of the popular girls!" Quinn said.

"That wouldn't happen to be Brittany's party would it?" Daria asked sweetly.

"Yeah… why?" Quinn replied, already dreading the answer.

"Because I got an invite from Brittany herself." Daria said even more sweetly.

"WHAT?!" Quinn screamed, causing Jake to spit out his coffee and Helen to jump in shock.

"I was invited by Brittany Taylor to her party Quinn." Daria replied kindly.

"Why that's nice," Helen said while trying to calm herself down, "It's good to see you making friends with the _girls _Daria."

Quinn immediately tried to pull out all the stops to get Daria kicked out of the party by her parents, but wound up revealing that she was paying Daria to do her homework for her.

"Uh… I have to go, fashion club business!" Quinn said, making up a lie on the fly and then using flight to get out of Dodge.

Daria in the meanwhile just sat very primly and finished her toast and wiped her face with a napkin, just in time to hear a horn sound outside.

"That's my ride, gotta go!" Daria said cheerfully while grabbing her nearby Teddy Bear backpack and moving just as quickly as Quinn before her parents tried to engage in actual parenting.

* * *

Daria arrived at Lawndale High in Skylar Feldman's very nice jet black sports car, wearing a very nice looking lime green baby doll dress, matching shoes, a white oversized bracelet, her usual white purse, and her teddy bear backpack slung over a shoulder.

She was wearing more fabric than normal, but still oozed desirability and sex appeal, and still had the boys eating out of her hand, and a plan to get out of Self-Esteem class early.

Life was good.

It got even better when she introduced Scarlett to Jane and within five minutes managed to get both girls to figure out that they and Daria were on the same wave length with some good old fashion snark.

Directed at the creepy guy from Daria's science class who had headed up to them with a, "Hello ladies!"

"Hello Upchuck." Jane replied, clearly wanting him to go away.

Daria took a step back, despite being the object of Charles Ruttheimer III's intentions and made a quick assessment.

"Ok so, he has a sharp mind, ok looks that need improvement, but it's hindered by his very smarmy and sleazy attitude." Daria thought to herself as she watched Jane, Scarlett, and Upchuck engage in verbal sparring.

Daria would have joined in, but they were saved when Ms. Barch rounded a corner and Charles fled in unholy terror.

Lawndale High's resident science teacher and man-hater, Ms. Barch stared at Daria for a long time before departing, clearly struggling to figure out how she should be reacting to her.

"Will she wind up cheering me on, wanting to recruit me as an apprentice, or hate me?" Daria pondered to herself, thinking that it could go any which way and would make for some interesting times in Science Class.

The bell rang and Daria moved with the rest of the herd to her first hour class, pondering how the day would progress.

* * *

Mr. O'Neill felt his heart stop when Daria Morgendorffer approached his desk after the end of Self-Esteem Class, he didn't even notice Jane Lane right next to her.

"Uh.. Did you need any… Clarification!" O'Neill stammered, thinking that he could feel Daria's body heat from a foot away between him and her and that damn desk in between them.

"Oh no Mr. O'Neill," Daria replied in her most seductive tones while tapping a lime green nail on the desk in a very pretty pattern, "You see, Jane and myself are feeling very good about ourselves and we'd like to test out early."

She dragged out the word 'very' in such a sultry way that O'Neill felt himself tent up in his pants like a teenager, he was now thanking his lucky stars that the desk was there to hide his shame.

"Uh… sure!" O'Neill stammered and then stammered even more when he read out a test question.

"'Self-esteem is important because..."

"Why because it will stand us in good stead for the rest of our lives." Daria replied in very breathy tones.

O'Neill sucked in a breath and tried to read the second question, he really did try, but Daria had leaned in in just a subtle way to make everything around her chest seem even more… chesty.

"Uh… I think that covers the bases… Yes it does!" O'Neill added emphatically, wanting to head off any questions and fully intending to forge the rest of the answers to look good.

"You sure sugar?" Daria asked sweetly.

"Why yes Ms. Morgendorffer." The teacher answered in a complete flushed rush, why I've never met a student so… so… wonderful… I mean so transformed by my class!

"Jane as well?" Daria asked quietly and indicated towards her friend who simply waved like an idiot behind a news reporter on TV.

"What about her…" O'Neill began before seeing the look of annoyance on Daria's face and then flipped to, "Sure no problem! She passed too!"

"Great sugar plum!" Daria replied, really turning on the charm, then she put her index and middle fingers together, kissed them and then pressed them on O'Neill's forehead.

"Something to remember me by sugar-pie!" Daria said in very sultry tones before strolling out of the class with her hips rolling in a very inviting way.

O'Neill then realized that he'd need a change of underwear, but that came much later, after about ten minutes of staring at the door where Daria had left with Jane in tow.

"What a wonderful girl…" O'Neill said to himself, fully intending to never wash his forehead ever again.

* * *

After getting out of Self-Esteem Class for what would hopefully be the last time, Daria and Jane headed on off to their next adventure, which involved calling Scarlett from a payphone, then giving her the address to Daria's house.

It only took about half-an hour to for Scarlett to arrive, just in time for the start of Sick Sad World.

"Nice digs," Scarlett said while taking in the very nice upper-middle class living space of the Morgendorffers.

"Meh, it's better than the old house in Highland." Daria said dismissively just before Jane shushed her, the episode was playing.

While Sick Sad World did an expose on the dangers that lurked for those who conduct affairs with multiple members of an inbred Royal Family, Scarlett, Jane, and Daria munched on popcorn.

"They clearly don't get it," Scarlett commented in between salty greasy goodness, "You'd have to be basically without any senses whatsoever to sleep with all those… ugh!"

Daria felt a small half-smile form on her face, and added, "I wonder where you'd find someone like that?"

"Anyone that lives in Scottsdale Arizona? Because to live there you'd have to lack the ability to feel, anything at all." Jane replied with her own ironic grin.

The show then cut to commercial, which allowed Jane and Scarlett to quiz each other a bit on their personal lives, Daria already had some inking of each of them from talking to them separately over the last couple of days.

But never the less, Scarlett learned that Jane lived with her brother Trent in a big house nicknamed 'Casa Lane' and had basically raised each other while her parents worked, all over the world, to make ends meet as 'Starving Artists'.

Jane mentioned having older siblings, but it was clear that she didn't like them, or talking about them for that matter.

Scarlett's background was a tad less severe, her parents had died when she was young, leaving her to live with her Aunt in a small apartment, they had moved from St. Paul when her Aunt got a better job offer.

Her only companion there besides her last blood relative was a pet mouse she had gotten a month ago.

"I named him Roger." Scarlett added.

"Why Roger?" Daria asked out of curiosity.

"Why not?" was Scarlett's cryptic answer.

Then Scarlett switched gears by asking for a blow-by-blow account of what happened after Self-Esteem Class, knowing full well that Daria and Jane had cooked up a plan.

Within a matter of seconds, all three girls were enjoying a hearty laugh at how easily O'Neill had become putty in Daria's hands.

"And then, just to put a cherry on top, I kissed my fingertips like so," Daria then repeated her actions from earlier, "And put them on his forehead like… this!"

Then she quickly tapped Jane's forehead and snapped right back, which had Scarlett laughing even harder at the look of shock on Jane Lane's face.

Jane then shook her head a bit and joined in the laughter and added, "Yeah, after that it looked like O'Neill was going to be out for the count, so we left, and thus ends our need to treat our Self-Esteem."

"Hey that rhymed!" Daria noted with an even bigger grin, then her merriment began to sink as she heard the front door open and her mother, Helen Morgendorffer walked in several hours earlier than normal.

"Dari-a!" Helen called out looking up the stairs, expecting her daughter to no doubt be in her room, hopefully by herself and not with someone… It didn't bear thinking about.

"I'm over here." Daria said flatly from the living room, startling Helen who then stared at what she was seeing and not quiet believing it.

"Daria… With two girls… snacking and watching TV… oh. my. GOD! She's made friends!" Helen's brain squealed at her.

But the hard as nail's lawyer in Helen managed to pull her out of the tailspin and back on terra firma, "Congratulations Daria, you've made some friends! And special congratulations are in order for graduating your Self-Esteem Class early."

"How'd you know…?" Daria began to ask before her mother told her that O'Neill had called her at the office in order to tell her about it.

"And he said that you'll be getting your certificate during a special addition to the Student Assembly tomorrow."

"What?!" Daria said in total shock, her eyes doing the raccoon-thing behind her heart-shaped glasses.

"And he asked that you wear something more… _formal_ for at least the ceremony." Helen added, avoiding a sniff since her eldest daughter was at least wearing something with more material than normal.

"So I'm going to take you to Cashman's to pick up something fetching, what do you say?"

Then when she noticed Daria hesitating, she threw in a sweetner, she threatened (very politely) to send her there with Quinn.

"Ok then, Check and mate." Daria replied flatly, "Uh I'm sorry guys but duty calls."

"Gotcha amiga." Jane replied, while having taken in the entire show from a semi-objective point of view.

"We'll meet at school tomorrow then." Scarlett added hopefully.

Daria nodded at that and showed her mother that she could be very courteous and showed her friends out.

Then prepared herself for a round of torture at Cashman's.

* * *

By some twist of fate, Daria had spotted inspiration early once she and her mother had arrived, but was forced to play a little game of cat and mouse, dressing up in different outfits for her mother to critique until she reached the one that would work for her half-baked plan.

Daria stepped out of the dressing room wearing a very nice white blouse, long black dress pants, black high heels, and had a couple of gold bracelets on her right wrist.

"What do you think?" Daria asked in oh so hesitant and yet hopeful tones.

"I love it Daria." Helen replied, feeling weak in the knees at seeing her normally trampy daughter look so…

"Elegant." Was Helen's thought on the matter.

"Ok then, I'll take it." Daria replied with a happy smile, "Just let me change real quick."

She slipped into the dressing room and was out in a matter of minutes, the clothes were paid for and the mother/daughter duo were out of Cashman's in minutes.

As they walked out of the mall, Daria wondered who would find the clothes she had worn to please her mother left in a pile in the room.

"Poor Helen forgot my little rule," Daria thought to herself in a mocking sing-song tone, "I always go a size smaller, it makes me look slimmer… And with some tweaks no one will see what's coming."

"Until it's too late."

* * *

The next day, Daria arrived in one of her usual outfits, but had one of the J's (Jeffy) carry a dress bag for her and made a quick beeline for Mr. O'Neill's and asked him if he'd keep an eye on her clothes for the assembly.

"I do want to look my best after all." Daria told him sweetly, while her tiny baby blue belly shirt, even smaller jeans, and pretty pink tennis shoes made her seem the sweetest dream.

O'Neill squeaked a small "Sure!" and gave thankful prayers for sturdy desks that can hide things, like a teacher's thing for instance.

Then she just relaxed and tried to enjoy her time in school, which mean snarking about her fellow students with Jane and Scarlett, talking to the boy's, laughing at the latest rumors about her, and having to answer the teacher's questions when none of the other's students could.

Which was happening with shocking regularity.

After the fifth time that Mr. DeMartino asked Kevin or Brittany a question and wound up screaming and asking Daria instead, she was sorely tempted to just tell him point blank to direct all questions to her to save everyone the hassle.

"Nah amiga," Jane replied once Daria told her about it after class, "Let the masochistic have his fun, besides if no one asked Brittany and Kevin anything, we couldn't make fun of them behind their backs."

"Hell we could do it to their faces, it wouldn't make a difference." Scarlett added, bringing much joy to Daria and Jane's lives.

But sadly the assembly was coming up prior to lunch, which did have the advantage of cutting Economics short, it spared Daria the migraine of trying to follow Ms. Bennett's drawings compared to the words coming out of her mouth.

* * *

It had taken Daria only a few minutes to change, but it had been enough of a delay to avoid being seen by Ms. Li prior to the start of the Student Assembly, she wanted this to be a surprise, for everyone.

While Ms. Li prattled on about a bake sale, Daria and Jane sat in between the football coach and Mr. O'Neill, both of whom were doing their best to stare at Daria through the corners of their eyes.

The rest of the student body didn't have to do that from their positions, they had a bird's eye view of the stage, their focuses riveted upon the _Angel _in their midst.

Daria Morgendorffer sat in a relaxed, casual position, only shifting to whisper something to her friend (and who was _she _everyone now wondered), she was wearing the latest in evening casual wear from Cashman's, a very nice white blouse that was fitted to show off all her curves without looking salacious, black dress pants that hugged her legs to the point that they almost looked painted on, golden bracelets shinned in the stage lights upon her wrist and her black high heels completed this perfect dream of a look.

Ms. Li wrapped up her speech with the threats of DNA tests and turned around and the mic picked up the sound of her sucking in a breath when she saw Daria.

"Wow!" Angela Li breathed out before making a space so that Jane Lane could make her speech, all her previous thoughts and worries gone.

"I still wish I had had time to grill them before this." Ms. Li thought, still regretting being delayed by all the paperwork involved in getting Biometric scans for the staff toilets.

Jane then did what she and Daria had come up with in Homeroom, she fake a panic attack midway through her speech and ran off the stage, O'Neill ran after her, for reasons known only to wimpy New Age touchy feely types.

Daria then strode the stage like a catwalk, and took to the mic, suppressed her nerves as best she could, and plunged in, using her best breathy happy voice.

"I would like to say that getting over a sense of low self-worth doesn't happen alone… Even though I myself have to confess to something very small, just a teeny tiny thing."

"I never had low self-esteem."

She had everyone's attention now, and not just on her beautiful looks or charms.

"I just have low esteem for anyone who doesn't like me for who I am," Daria then formed a small smile on her lips, "A smart, beautiful, multifaceted, young woman, trying to survive the rigors of High School as best she can."

"But I would like to thank those in my life who do understand me, all my friends and family, and the supportive and wonderful staff at Lawndale High, you're the best! "

"And to my little sister Quinn," Daria added sweetly, causing Quinn who was sitting in the audience with the Fashion Club to freeze dead in her tracks.

"Even though you're still _in _the Esteem Class, I promise to help you actualize your potential, and find a sense of self-worth!"

And after Daria finished humiliating her sister and using all of O'Neill's buzzwords that she could stand. She concluded the speech with thanks and got a standing ovation from all the boys and a few of the girls.

Daria caught sight of Quinn in the crowd, sitting perfectly still with the Fashion Club circling in, no doubt hissing things to her, the look on Quinn's face was absolutely priceless.

"Payback is a bitch isn't it Quinn?" Daria thought to herself, having taken yet another pound of flesh for herself, and that little girl in the nerdy glasses of yesteryear who had endured nearly 13 years of being ignored, pushed aside, and always told to be 'more like Quinn'.

"But I'm not Quinn," Daria had told herself on many occasions, and then when she hit puberty she figured something out that had transformed her life.

"I'm not Quinn, I'm _better _than Quinn." Daria had told herself once she had truly seen what was emerging forth during her thirteenth year of life.

This was Daria's mantra as she strode off stage, owning every single inch of the wood beneath her feet, already thinking of plans for Brittany's party later that night.

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the departing crowd, a dating couple of African-American students, one a boy who was the Captain of the football team, muscular, with dreadlocks, and handsome features named Mack Mackenzie.

The other a stylishly, yet conservatively dressed girl with beautiful hair, a studious nature, and incredible beauty named Jodie Landon.

Both of them had been moved by what they had just seen, they had seen Daria around the school and heard the rumors, some crazy, some scandalous, even ones about her being a genius.

They hadn't trusted the last, keeping their distance from the latest Queen Bee to stride Lawndale, but after this…

Their mutual thoughts were of "Wow!" and then both Mack and Jodie noticed that the other one was also stunned by what they had just seen.

"I heard she was smart, but I didn't believe it." Mack managed to spill out.

"Yeah I know," Jodie replied, doing her best to hide the butterflies in her stomach.

"We should talk to her, you know get to know someone like that better before, you know… Idiots consume her." Mack said, also trying to hide the butterflies in his stomach.

"Sure!" Jodie said, and then worried that it was too enthusiastic, but Mack wasn't paying attention to that.

For which she was very thankful.

* * *

Unlike Quinn, who had spent the last three days fretting over what she was going to wear, Daria had already picked up what she wanted at the mall and set it aside for this particular evening.

Her choice was a black satin backless halter top, very low cut blue jeans with fashionable fraying and a hole in the knee, and nice black flats since she fully expected to wind up dancing, the only accessory other than her purse was a simple silver chain.

Daria then glanced at the clock and headed on downstairs to wait for her ride, which she had scheduled to arrive just about…

"Now." Daria thought to herself, but sadly she didn't hear anything and sighed, then a horn sounded outside.

"Late by a couple seconds, but not too shabby." She said to herself before strolling out of the house with her best foot forward, her ride for the evening was with Trent and Jane, and they had picked up Scarlett at her apartment complex.

"Hey Daria." Trent drawled in his oh so sexy voice.

"Hi." Daria replied, trying to keep her voice oh so breathy and hide her nerves and didn't quite pull it off.

"Hey Daria hop in!" Jane called from the passenger side seat, and Daria swallowed a sigh and had the rare experience of riding in the back of a car not driven by her parents.

It was a bummer that she wasn't up there with Trent, but she could talk to Scarlett.

"So how exactly are you getting _us _into this party?" Scarlett asked out of curiosity, having never crashed a party before in her life, or gone to one for that matter.

Daria just grinned and replied, "Leave that to me."

Up in the front, Jane Lane heard that and silently snickered, "Oh poor rent-a-cops of Crew Neck, you don't know what's comin around!"

She then realized that if she ever breathed that sentence to Trent that he would probably think it was a great lyric and then sing it for hours on end.

"Ok, that's something for the memoryhole." Jane noted, fully intending not to encourage her brother in any way that resulted in her having to listen to him 'practice'.

* * *

"Thanks sugar!" Daria said sweetly, her magic only taking about three minutes to win over the gate guard so she and her two uninvited friends could go their merry way to Brittany's house.

Daria rang the bell and lo and behold a few moments later the hostess of the evening, Brittany Taylor opened the door, oddly enough still wearing her cheerleading uniform.

"Hi Daria!" Brittany said in her sweetest, perkiest tones, "You brought friends?"

"Yes I did." Daria replied kindly, already having learned that the easiest way to talk to Brittany was to treat her as an overgrown child.

"Great!" Brittany cheered, clearly so hyped up on her successful party that she didn't noticed that Daria's friends were normally viewed as extremely unpopular.

Daria strode through the open door as if she owned the place, it only took a few moments for her rose scented perfume to start filling the room, causing people's heads to turn.

"Hi!" Daria said very sweetly, and though only some nearby people were able to hear her due to the music, she managed to make an impact as word quickly spread of _who had just shown up!_

"I guess Quinn didn't warn them after all." Daria noted to herself, not particularly caring why her nitwit of a sister would do such a thing.

It only took a few moments for the unattached guys to start swarming, and some of those who had come with dates as well.

Daria just smiled, and picked the red-headed J (Jeffy) and asked the other two J's to dance with Scarlett and Jane for a little bit.

Then she did her obligatory dancing with Jeffy for a bit, revealing a real talent for cutting a rug, and making those so-called 'popular girls' even more jealous, and putting yet another nail into their collective coffins.

Especially Quinn, who had followed Sandi, Tiffany, and a blond girl named Tori Jericho to the back of the party to try and create even more vicious and cruel rumors about Daria than they already had.

It was a tall order, but Tori was rising to the occasion with stories about failed abortions, syphilis, and a corker about how Daria's butt fell inside out once and a doctor had to shove it back in with a pencil.

Unfortunately, no one other than the others in their group was paying them any real mind, the guys were either all over Daria, fantasizing that their girlfriends were Daria, and their girlfriends were either glaring at Daria, fantasizing about Daria, or taking notes on how to be more like her.

But eventually Daria feigned tiredness and sent Jeffy to go fetch her some soda and snacks, Jamie and Joey followed his lead, eager to please.

"I have to admit that Joey is kinda nice, for someone so dim." Scarlett said kindly while she, Jane, and Daria found a couch to lounge on, chatting about the J's.

"Emphasis on the word 'dim' I take it?" Jane snarked, causing the three girls to snicker.

"I wonder what the latest scope is?" Daria wondered even though she clearly didn't care.

"Probably the story about you and the zoo lions or something." Scarlett noted with a snicker.

Daria just grinned, and then grinned wider when she noticed a scrawny boy with red hair heading towards them.

"Let's see what Upchuck is made of." Daria thought to herself, pulling a plan out of her ass and wondering if it would work.

"Hello Ladies…" Charles Ruttheimer III said in his sleaziest tones.

"Hello Charlie." Daria replied quietly, using a variation on Upchuck's name that she hadn't heard anyone else use.

"And a special hello to you Madame." Upchuck replied brightly and pronounced the 'Madame' with a faux French Accent. Being called 'Charlie' by a girl with a breathy voice was clearly getting to him.

"But who are your luscious friends I wonder?" Upchuck pondered while also taking in the sight of Jane Lane (whom he already knew) and a red headed girl in dark baggy clothes wearing an ankh that he had seen before but didn't know.

"Scarlett LeVey." Scarlett said neutrally, not sure how to react to the creepy nerd.

"Tiffany Duke." Jane replied with a cold bite.

Upchuck just responded with a sleazy, "Feisty!"

Daria gave him a grin that seemed slightly dark on a pretty face like hers, and for some reason unknown to science it caused Upchuck's hormones to race through his bloodstream even faster than before.

"Would you luscious ladies like a grand tour of this atrociously designed house? It's on me."

Daria began to think of a response but was interrupted by the arrival of Jeffy, who gave Upchuck the cold shoulder and presented Daria with a snack bowl and four different sodas.

"Since I didn't know what you would like." He replied like a happy puppy wanting to be acknowledged as the best.

Daria thanked him and said to Upchuck, "Maybe later, want to join us for food, it's on the J's." She said the last as she noticed the arrival of Joey and Jamie with more food they had snagged from the snack table.

"If you insist Madame." Upchuck replied, visibly pleased that a girl of any sort was letting him join her group.

Even for something innocent like a snack, which in his very hopeful mind could be the start of something more… Feisty!

Daria noticed some of the popular girls gawking at what they had overheard and gave them her warmest smile and batted her eyelashes, pleased that she had just blown their minds.

* * *

Much to their amazement, Jane, Scarlett, and the Three J's discovered that, once you got passed the sleaze factor, Upchuck… _Charlie _was actually a lot of fun to talk to.

He poked fun at the countless stuffed animal heads strung around the house and the so called 'stylish' décor, and did a running commentary on the antics of the other party guests.

"And that one girl over there, Tara, thought that nose job would make her more popular, turns out if you get a bad nose job it ruins you… And she used to be so ravishing."

Charles sighed at that, she had been adorable before, but alas she had fallen into the hands of some quack doctor.

"It's interesting to me that so-called 'popularity' isn't really about being well-liked, it's about having the cash to buy the things that make people think you're popular, even if everyone actually thinks you're a jerk."

That last caused the J's brains to actually process information, granted they all groaned about their heads hurting, but as Daria explained, "That's just because you don't use your minds a whole lot."

She then smiled and took the sting out of her words by continuing with, "The mind is kind of like a muscle, if you don't use it, then it atrophies." She then had to simplify the word atrophy to 'shrink'.

It caused Jamie to panic, thinking that his brain was turning into a grape, but Daria told him it was a metaphor, then she had to explain what a metaphor was.

She sighed after that and made the excuse of going to the bathroom and slipped away, but when she reached it there was an impressive line and an Asian girl in a blue dress, Tiffany Blum-Deckler, was pounding on the door, yelling, "Quinn… We… Need… To… Pee!"

Daria couldn't resist a small grin at the impressive spectacle before her, and decided that the best solution would be a dose of humiliation.

So she strolled over to the popular girl Tiffany and said in tones loud enough to carry across the room, and into the locked bathroom, "Hello Tiffany, I assume that Quinn is in there taking her sweet time right?"

Tiffany began to respond and several girls in line began making catty remarks, but Daria just kept going with, "Well I guess this is a perfect time to tell you the story about the time when we Morgendorffers were on a road trip to Utah and we were stuck in traffic for over four hours and Quinn _really _needed to use the bathroom."

Daria thought she heard a small gasp in the bathroom and her face twisted into an evil grin, "So after about three hours of her incessant whining, Mom handed her a plastic cup and told her to use it so Quinn began to unzip…"

At that point the bathroom door flew open and Quinn Morgendorffer rushed out, her face beet red, screaming incoherently.

Daria just grinned as her sister fled the scene, no doubt looking for another shady spot to sulk in, she simply turned to the other girls in line and gave them all a formal bow and strolled away, enjoying the looks of awe and shock on all their faces.

Daria then began to wonder where she should go, since the bathroom line would take a while to filter out, the J's clearly needed tutoring but she didn't feel like doing it tonight, and without her new friends at her side she felt out of sorts.

After a minute of wandering, she found herself in a quiet part of the Taylor's house, so she picked a random door and opened it, and found herself in an empty laundry room, the quiet was kind of nice so she sunk down onto the tiles, leaning on the washing machine and just allowed herself to decompress.

Daria lost track of time, though only a few minutes past by until the door suddenly opened and two black students she hadn't really spoken too before managed to get through the doorframe while kissing furiously.

Then they noticed they weren't alone.

"Oh sorry," Daria said apologetically, "I didn't realize this room would be taken…"

Mack laughed and replied, "Well this is the official make out room, were you waiting for someone?"

Daria laughed at that and replied, "No, I was just looking for some place quiet, get away from it all."

Mack just nodded and said that he could see that, Jodie however stood still, drinking in the sight of the extremely beautiful girl, and feeling her knees weaken and her bosom shake a little.

A strange tension filled the air, like the crackle of thunder before a powerful lightning strike, Mack and Jodie sank down to Daria's level, and while Daria tried to excuse herself, both of them immediately asked her to stay, then they both realized that the other had also said that as well.

At that point Daria noticed something truly interesting, "They're _both_ interested in me." She thought and was momentarily floored by that revelation.

To try and break the ice, Daria opened the floor with the general questions asking who they were, what they were about, and answering their questions in turn.

Daria learned that Mack and Jodie had been an item for a while, viewing their relationship as both enjoyable and 'easy', though when Daria tried to press them on what easy meant they both gave very vague statements which failed to answer the question.

Mack was the captain of the football team, and if his ability to hold his own was any indication, a cut above the usual idiots that made up the Lawndale Lions.

Jodie Landon on the other hand, viewed herself as a 'model minority', which is the role she was assigned to by her parents, the quintessential overachiever, she was the head of most of the extracurricular activities at Lawndale, and spent quite a bit of time doing charity work, and getting good grades all in the name of a plan devised by her parents to get into a good school.

They learned quite a bit about Daria, a tad more than she had initially intended in fact, that she was the eldest of two siblings, that her parents were barely there workaholics, her mother a junior associate for a powerful law firm, her father a freelance private consultant, and her sister Quinn the very picture of the average teenage girl.

"A vapid, self-absorbed moron whose only thoughts involve color coordination and who can get her a table at the most expensive restaurant in town." Daria finished with a much colder snap than she had at describing her parents.

Jodie ventured to ask while drawing herself a bit closer, "Why do you not like your sister so much?"

"It's… complicated." Daria answered softly, "And a long story."

Mack grew himself a bit closer to Daria and Jodie as well and added, "You can tell us, I wouldn't spread it around and Jodie wouldn't either."

Jodie nodded very enthusiastically at that, Daria gave them both a small sad smile and replied, "Maybe some other time."

Daria then inched herself closer to the couple as well, and only then noticed that they were all within a few inches of each other, the air so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife.

"Instead I think I should ask… Are you two, interested in me?"

It was now all out on the table.

Mack and Jodie made some initial denial sounds while glancing at each other, then the pair realized what they were both doing.

There was a moment of silence, and then they both laughed.

"Wow." Mack managed to say after pulling himself together, "I didn't realize that you were… I mean I knew I was interested but wow Jodie, I didn't see this coming."

Jodie felt flushed but her face had a very large grin, "Well this is a first for me, I mean, I've been dating you for so long, and yes I'm completely yours Mack, but… I think Daria is… Hot."

The girl in question, Daria, just took this in stride and made a sound to get their attention, and got to laugh in turn at the raccoon eyes that they both made when Mack and Jodie realized that Daria _was still in the room._

"Well, just so we are all on the same page here, I'm into both guys and girls."

Daria then leaned in a little closer to the two of them and, much more bashfully admitted, "Far from what you would expect, I haven't been with many people, and I've never done what… I think we're about to do."

Mack almost asked the dumb question, but managed to stop himself from asking it at the last possible second.

At this point the three of them were so close together you could barely squeeze molecules in between them, the heat was palpable.

Words began to fail them, their faces began to lean in towards one another, and just when Jodie and Mack's lips began to come into contact with Daria's, the door slammed open, bringing everything crashing to a halt.

"Woah!" Brittany Taylor exclaimed in her squeaky voice

"Hey, Awesome Mack Daddy!" Kevin Thompson said in total awe.

Daria, Mack, and Jodie snapped their faces forward and saw Kevin and Brittany, the stereotypical QB and Head Cheerleader couple at Lawndale in rumpled clothes, their faces wet with saliva, having come in to do their usual routine, and seeing the unexpected sight that had been unfolding in the make out room instead.

"Do you mind?!" Mack snapped at Kevin, and then added, "And stop calling me that!"

"Uhm… We should go Kevy." Brittany said in a much more embarrassed squeak, "Let's find another bedroom since mine's taken by Les and Tori."

"Cool!" Kevin said while Brittany turned and began leading him out, but he managed to glance back at Mack Daddy with his girlfriend and the hottest slut in school and gave him a big grin and a thumbs up before departing.

"Well that killed the mood." Jodie said bitterly while smoothing out her blouse.

Mack just sighed, trying to swallow his anger at how Kevin managed to bungle everything without even trying.

Daria just chuckled and added, "Yeah… Maybe later, and not in Brittany's laundry room."

This gave Mack hope for the future, Jodie on the other hand was now starting to feel confused about the whole situation.

"We should get out of here," Jodie said simply, "Before the gossip mill spins and more people come here to gawk."

Mack just sighed at that and got up and did the gentlemanly thing and helped both ladies up off the floor and gave Daria a polite goodbye before leaving with his girlfriend.

Daria stood for a moment in the middle of the room, and was only able to articulate a single response to the entire twisted situation.

"Dammit!"

* * *

Once Daria managed to find her way through the Taylor's twisted and macabre hallways, the animal heads looked almost menacing when distorted by night's shadows.

The first steps she took back into the center of Brittany's party was enough to confirm that the word of her near exploits in the make out room when she heard the distinct buzzing sound of gossips going into overdrive when the object of their gossiping strolls into the room.

"Ohmigod! Its her!"

"Like she was totally busted mackin on Mack and Jodie, they were like, totally doing it!"

"Mack Daddy is a GOD!" (this was Kevin)

"Daria was like, totally, lezboing out on Jodie, but she's got all the guys all over her, wazup with that?!"

These were the tidbits that Daria managed to pick up just before she came within the speaker's line of sight and they shut their mouths, but their eyes clearly conveyed their feelings on the matter.

Some were in awe, others lust, some disgust, a few seemed curious, but they call contained some level of judgment in them.

"Wow, these idiots really think I care about their opinions." Daria thought as she strolled on bye at her usual pace, as if nothing had happened at all.

But it didn't take long for her main court to find her.

"Daria!" Jane almost shouted as she rushed up to her friend with Scarlett in tow, the J's and Charles trailing behind them, confusion and questioning looks dominated all their faces.

"Hey Janie, what's up?" Daria asked in her usual breathy voice, giving no indication that anything unusual was occurring.

Jane hesitated, not sure how to bring it up, the J's and Charles were shuffling their feet, it was left to Scarlett to speak up.

"Uh Daria," Scarlett began hesitantly, "Everyone's been talking and… Well…"

Daria just smiled and said, not giving a crap who overheard her, "Oh, I suppose the little birds are a twitter, so I'll set the record straight."

"I went to find a quiet room to relax in, but then Mack and Jodie came in and told me what Brittany's laundry room was being used for."

Daria then laughed at that and continued with, "But they sat down with me and we just… Started talking and somewhere along the line we all got close and comfortable, and then we three started to kiss."

Daria then dropped the hammer, "But then Brittany and Kevin barged in, and managed to kill the damn mood!"

She then stomped a foot on the ground in disgust, "The bastards!"

"Daria," Jane began to ask, "So are you like…"

"I'm Bi." Daria stated casually, as if it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Cool!" Jamie breathed from the background, now even more in love with Daria than before, his jealously towards Mack completely forgotten by that simply revelation.

Not to be outdone, the other two J's also enthusiastically gave Daria their unconditional support and Upchuck said, "Feisty!"

Scarlett just smiled and said, "Neat, so now what next? Should we all get out of here and get some burgers or something?"

"Sounds good." Daria replied, "This place does put a person in the mood for animal flesh."

"I have a car," Charles said while coming towards the foreground, "I'll drive us there, though it will be a tight fit…"

"Well I don't think the J's will mind if they have a couple of girls sitting on their laps in the back, right Jane?" Daria asked the last while looking at her raven haired friend who had gone oddly silent.

"Uh sure, no problems here!" Jane replied, trying to shake herself out of her stupor, feeling oddly flush for some reason.

Scarlett just shrugged her shoulders, having discovered that Upchuck could be charming, if he dropped the slimeball act.

"You lead Charlie." Daria said to the nerd who beamed like a guy who won a million bucks, not even caring that he would be sharing company with the J's.

"They're not bad guys to hang around with," Charles Rutheimmer thought to himself, "Granted I'll be the one to win over this, _Goddess_, but… I think I can make them my friends."

And the thought of having actual friends to pal around with was nearly as good as fantasies of Daria Morgendorffer who had managed to prove herself to be more than just a pretty face.

"She truly is the Queen of Feisty!" Charles thought to himself as he took pride of place and lead the group out of the Taylor's palace of tacky and towards his car, "I think… I'm in love!"

* * *

Daria Morgendorffer woke up the next day feeling pretty good, the party had been a success, she had made Quinn miserable, met some interesting people, came out as Bi, and afterwards went to Cluster Burger for greasy food and got back home at a semi-reasonable time so her parents couldn't bitch.

Life was good.

But after changing into her usual clothes and perfume, and going downstairs she heard the sounds of hushing whispering and instantly smelled a rat.

The instant she entered the kitchen Daria got a sinking feeling in her stomach as she saw her parents snap their heads towards her with looks of shocked outrage, and Quinn was happy as a clam.

"I will get you for this you cunt!" Daria thought to herself as her mother began yelling at her, demanding an explanation of all the things she had heard from sources about her being involved in a crazy orgy at a party.

Daria simply gave a mental sigh and began to get to work to salvage the situation as best she could, all the while thinking of horrible things to do to Quinn.

* * *

Jodie Landon sat quietly at her desk in the room set aside for the Lawndale Lowdown, the school's paper, this was the first quiet she had had all day.

"Those gossipy bitches!" Jodie's inner voice sneered once more, "Don't they have more interesting things to talk about, like their eyeliner or something?!"

Sadly no, so they chattered about the now legendary (assumed) threesome she had had with Daria and Mack, even though in truth they hadn't even been able to share one, stinking, heat inducing, kiss…

Mack of course got the best end of the deal, he was now the big man on campus, his new nicknames ranged from 'Mack Attack', 'Mack Dynamite', to 'Mack the Rock', and everything in between.

Daria of all people had managed to get some good out this as well, now she had girls and guys all over her, the popular girls had spent the day ripping out their hair and gnashing their teeth at that.

Jodie on the other hand… Had had the joys of hearing everyone whisper about the good girl who it turned out was some sort of scarlet woman.

Jodie sighed while she looked at her work for the day in vain and caught the scent of Rose scented perfume.

She looked up and got to watch Daria stride into the room, causing everyone's heads to turn in perfect synch as she strolled her strolling walk towards the editors' desk (Jodie's) and said something.

"I'm sorry what?" Jodie asked, not having heard a word of what Daria had been saying.

"I said I want to sign up for the Newspaper," Daria repeated in her pretty voice, "You know as a writer for an extracurricular."

"Oh… Sure of course!" Jodie said much too quickly, causing people to snicker and she felt a fierce blush take over her face and her insides cringe with embarrassment.

Daria just smiled and replied, "Cool thanks Jodie, I won't disappoint you."

That was enough for Jodie to forget her embarrassment since everything was now completely right in the world and nothing bad would ever happen again since this Goddess was in the room.

The feeling would only fade after several hours and Jodie was in her bedroom, trying to get some sleep, and the strange mixture of confusion and desire filled her belly at the thought of Daria.

"Why does she have this effect on me?" Jodie asked herself for the millionth time, not sure of the answer.

* * *

At that particular moment, Daria was asleep in her own bed, snug as a bug, and still kinda pissed that she had been forced to sign up for an actual school activity, but she had needed _something _to assuage her mother's concerns about her excess of free time.

Plus it had been really funny to see Quinn's face once she remembered who was the Editor of the School Paper, and was unable to say anything to her parents at all about it.

Since she had been in the halls of Lawndale High and Daria had just left the damn newsroom.

"But it's not enough," Daria still thought, "I suffered for thirteen years, Quinn's only dealt with misery for a couple years now."

"She hasn't suffered enough yet, not by a long shot!"

**The End**

_Notes: Some lines from 'Esteemers' and 'The Invitation'._


	2. Sex and the Mall

**Sexy Daria: ****Sex and the Mall**

Daria Morgendorffer had discovered a while ago that the best way to learn anything in Ms. Bennett's class was to ignore the complicated chalk drawings that she drew while talking and just listen to her voice.

But at the moment Daria wasn't giving Ms. Bennett much attention, her heart-shaped glasses were down almost to the edge of her nose, her head down as she gazed at her first published article in the Lawndale Lowdown.

In her new column, Lady D's POV, she had done a piece on the trip to Middleton her parents had dragged her and Quinn on and how the pair of them had slipped away and became the Keg Queen's of rival frat houses.

"Heh," Daria laughed quietly to herself while thinking, "It was a lot of fun plotting against Queen by proxy."

But sadly the good times didn't last long when Helen and Jake had finally caught up to them and spoiled everything by revealing that she and Quinn were both underage and using the twin guns of motherly rage and legal threats got them all off scot free.

Sadly however Ms. Bennett cut through her self-reflective glory by calling out her name, Daria suppressed a mental sigh and managed to dredge up enough of what the teacher had been saying to throw out an answer that she hoped made sense.

"Well if we're gonna talk about concrete economics…" Daria began in a breathy voice, using dramatic pauses to fill in the spaces when she wracked her brain for useful buzzwords, "Then we should talk about the temples of consumer excess, a.k.a, the Mall."

The portly middle aged teacher beamed at her brightest pupil, even if she _was_ wearing a whore's uniform.

"Excellent Daria!" Ms. Bennett said with good cheer, "The mall is the perfect example of all the economic principals we've been discussing in today's lesson. In fact… It would make for a perfect field trip!"

"Field trip?!" Daria repeated in shock, having suggested nothing of the kind.

The rest of the class however was much more enthusiastic, the main supporter was Kevin who cheered at the idea of a field trip, then had to ask _where _they were going in the first place.

"The field." Jane Lane answered with false sincerity while sitting next to Daria and Scarlett, then the three of them hid smiles when he cheered that, sarcasm was lost on the Campus Moron.

Jane looked at Daria with a pleading, questioning look, as though there was a magical solution that Daria had hidden somewhere in her skimpy clothes that could get them out of this.

All Daria could do was quietly whisper, "We're screwed."

Jane did the only thing she could do, she headbutted her desk and prayed for the sweet release of brain damage.

Scarlett was a tad more practical, "I hope that O'Neill doesn't get any bright ideas."

Daria just grunted and replied, "He'll make me answer a question and take the answer and warp it to suit his purposes, like I said before, we're screwed."

Scarlett did the only thing she could do, she laid her head in her arms and tried to go to sleep, hoping that the oblivion of dreamland would make everything alright.

Daria just sighed and took out a notebook filled with her randomly written down thoughts and wrote this.

"_Headed for O'Neill's and the Mall, Don't know which is worse… Oh god this sounds like the start of one of Trent's songs!"_

Now it was Daria's turn to vent her frustration, but since Jane and Scarlett were already fully engaged in their own releases, Plan A wasn't an option.

"And I don't have a Plan B at the moment." Daria thought wearily, except to hope that the rest of the day wouldn't suck so much.

But this was Lawndale High, it was _designed _to suck, at all times.

* * *

Daria Gianna Morgendorffer strode the halls of Lawndale, gracing it and all it's inhabitants with her presence, or so it seemed to every single heterosexual boy (and some of the girls).

In her wake followed what people were referring to as 'Daria's Court', a nickname that Daria had taken a liking to and had seen fit to give her 'Courtiers' nicknames (in her head of course).

Her two ladies-in-waiting, Jane and Scarlett were at her side, and nipping at her heels were the Three J's, and their newly acquired friend, Charles Ruttheimmer III, otherwise known as 'Upchuck' or 'Charlie' in Daria's case.

"Well let's try to look on the bright side," Scarlett stated while the conversation turned once more to the ad hoc mall fieldtrip, "A mall of any size has a food court right? Well a 'super mall' is bound to have several places where we can go, sit, eat, and snark about the denizens that troll places like that."

"Like us?" Daria asked with a nonchalant air that added just the right touch to the snark, and bringing small smiles to Jane and Scarlett's faces.

"Well I can think of ways to whittle away the time in more… pleasurable pursuits." Charles said with an unusually muted level of sleaze.

Then moving in for the kill before he was shot down, Charles finished with, "I have my father's gold card and I do just _happen _to know that there is a Bikini Island at the Mall of the Millennium, if you catch my drift…"

"What? Oh sorry I wasn't paying attention." Jane muttered, trying to kill this idea before it got out of hand.

Daria just laughed and replied, "Oh Charlie, I already picked out my swimsuits for next year, and if you're lucky you just might see me in them… When the weather is nice of course."

Upchuck growled and said, "Feisty!"

One of the J's, Jeffy decided to be bold and asked, "So Daria, what exactly are these swimsuits anyway?"

Daria just smiled and replied, "My favorite is the white micro-bikini, and when I wear it I'm thankful for having a good bikini waxer on speed dial."

The thought of Daria in a white micro was enough to put the J's, Upchuck, and several other boys in earshot in 'full mast mode', their actual brains were reduced in IQ capacity to that of gibbering idiots, and Daria noticed that at least three of them were now drooling.

She just smiled and added, "But in the meanwhile… I'm sure we can think of something _else _for me to wear and show off. Granted it might not be fit for public consumption…"

At that, every single guy in earshot instantly and very enthusiastically behind Daria's idea.

Whatever that might have been, letting someone that beautiful suffer from self-doubt was a sin.

It had to be.

Daria's Court turned a corner, and when she heard the name 'Quinn' come from nowhere, she stopped dead in her tracks and began listening in, and caused traffic jams stretching all the way back to the entrance of the school in the process.

"And then after she tried to butter me up by saying I was nice and reliable and junk, she tried to get me to do her damn babysitting job for her!" a tall boy with long blond hair named Ronnie was telling his friend.

"Yeah, but Quinn's cute dude," the other guy said, "It could get you a shot at that fire crotch man."

"Yeah right Taylor," Ronnie replied with a dark laugh, "The instant I said 'you'll never go out with me will you?' the little twit had the gall to say yes AND to add that she wanted me to do the babysitting gig so she could ask Skylar Feldman out."

Daria raised an eyebrow at that, the wheels began to turn in her head as several ideas came to mind.

"Why is she interested in 'His Majesty the King of the Arrogant Pricks' anyway?" Taylor asked with a snicker at his own wit.

Ronnie laughed and replied, "Because he has rich parents who own a yacht."

Daria selected a plan of attack that she felt was best suited, and began moving in closer to the two boys, letting her rose-scented perfume and her charms do the introductions for her.

"Hi guys." Daria said sweetly, an inviting smile curled on her face, her eyes sparkled like diamonds, her bosom moved up and down very noticeably with every breath, and the cherries ensured that the eyes were drawn in and glued.

Ronnie and Taylor were putty in her hands within a matter of nano-seconds.

"Taylor is it?" Daria said to the not-blond boy who managed a very small nod, "Go fetch Skylar Feldman for me."

Taylor practically flew at the pace he dashed off at from standing perfectly still, plowing through obstacles like open lockers, trashcans, fellow students, and the most unfortunate Mr. O'Neill who was left on the floor to sob his eyes out after Taylor practically dropped kicked him out of the way.

Daria just giggled, and nearly caused Ronnie's hear to burst in his chest, but he would have die a very happy man.

"Ronnie is it?" Daria asked and enjoyed seeing the rather nice looking freshman boy melt right in front of her, "My sister's cute and everything, but she's very controlling with her dates and she has a lot of weird rules when dating them. I suggest you date someone more suited, and just plain better for you, understand?"

"Yesss…" Ronnie managed say without moaning obscenely like a dirty old man watching two very hot lesbians making out right in front of him.

"Good." Daria replied sweetly just as Taylor came back with Skylar in tow, the awe and hope in Skylar's eyes was so pathetic it almost made Daria laugh, but she suppressed it, she had a plan to execute.

"Skylar," Daria said while dragging out his name like a flavor she wanted to savor, and causing him to almost loose it right then and there.

"Do you want to go out Saturday night?" Daria asked, making that inviting smile even more delightful, and leaning in just so, and making delightful things about her person jiggle delightfully.

Skylar Feldman managed to hold on to rational thought long enough to reply with a very lusty, "Yes!"

Daria clapped her hands and finished this whole thing off with, "Great! I'll see you Saturday then, anyplace you want to take me then?"

Skylar almost felt the words "My bedroom' tumble out of his mouth, but he caught them in his throat and passed it off as a cough, but barely.

"Oh excuse me," he apologized lamely, "Uh… Chez Pierre sound good?"

"Hmm… Nah, I don't like the food." Daria replied with a small sigh, for some reason everyone here thought that 'expensive' equaled 'good', "How about a movie date at the theater?"

"Sure!" Skylar said practically leaping onto the idea of being in a darkened theater, hopefully alone, with this goddess.

And that it was _waaaaay_ cheaper than that overpriced Pseudo-French restaurant didn't hurt either.

"Great!" Daria cheered before planting a small kiss on Skylar's cheek before striding away and giving him a full view of her rear tattoo, and other things as well.

Skylar waved weakly and gave a very lame 'Goodbye', not even noticing the looks of envy and hatred on the faces of every single guy present at the time, and the rest of the day as well.

* * *

"So why'd you ask him out?" Jane asked, very curious as to why Daria had latched onto the Ego King of Lawndale.

"Oh reasons." Daria answered without answering at all, while she idly played with her pencil in DeMartino's class.

"And what reasons would those be?" Jane asked, hoping for clarification, because this whole thing made no sense at all.

"To spare him being screwed over by Quinn." Daria answered, much less breathy than normal.

"Huh?" Jane replied, not realizing that they were being overheard by a couple students nearby.

Daria sighed, already sick of talking about her sister but was compelled to do so, "Because she'd date him, use him and his cash to get what she wanted, then throw him away without so much as a slow dance."

"Because the Ice Princess won't slow dance until after the fifth date, which none of her dates ever get too, since she'll dump them by the third."

Jane laughed until she realized that Daria wasn't joking, at all.

The conversation was interrupted when Mr. DeMartino caught on to it and yelled, "Ms. LANE, Ms. MORgendorffer, as INterESting as your SOcial lives MIGHT be. I'd ASK that you KEEp it to YOURselves until AFTer CLASS!"

Daria and Jane both wore masks of pure innocence that wouldn't have fooled the Pope.

Then DeMartino moved on with the day's lesson, which was interrupted by him being masochistic enough to ask Kevin (again) a question.

It only took a couple minutes of Kevin and Brittany's banter to have the teacher screaming incoherently with his eyeball bulging out.

Daria simply took this all in with stride, but she did respect that DeMartino for trying to teach the unteachable.

In the way you admire lemmings when they jump off cliffs, expecting to survive the fall.

* * *

Meanwhile at her desk near Daria and Jane's, Jodie Landon breathed easier, now that she knew the Skylar thing was just a pity date.

"I was worried she had forgotten all about me." Jodie thought to herself, then worried that she shouldn't be thinking that way, then told herself, "Screw it, think that way."

Then she worried about it again.

It had been that way since the night of the party when Kevin and Brittany busted her and Mack about to kiss with Daria, and about to do things they had never done before.

Those two IDIOTS had completely ruined the moment, now whenever she looked at Daria there was desire but also confusion.

Mack on the other hand got the best end of the deal, when Brittany blabbed, Mack was transformed from mere Captain of the Football Team and 'Smart Jock' and granted apotheosis.

He had been transformed into a God.

Now every single guy in Lawndale aspired to be like 'Mack Attack!" or "Mack the Rock", or "Mack Dynamite", the last being Jodie's favorite.

Daria was even more desired than before, her first day back had seen an even bigger traffic jam than her first day at Lawndale since now all the lesbian, bi, and bi-curious girls joined the guys in congregating around any spot that they suspected MIGHT be a place where Daria would go.

There was a lot more people in the Library these days, and yesterday Jodie could have sworn she had seen (male) members of the _track team_ studying!

"And those clods rely on Ms. Li's grade fixing even more than the football team!" Jodie had thought both then and now.

Jodie tried to focus on class, but DeMartino's latest meltdown was a good excuse to just focus on Daria instead, and hope that the trip to the mall might help sort out her feelings.

"And maybe, just maybe give you a second shot." Jodie's inner voice whispered very quietly and very hopefully.

Jodie ignored the raving voices of her parents in her ears and went with her inner voice, hoping against hope that it was right.

* * *

Dinner in the Morgendorffer household was, once again, an affair that Daria would rather have avoided, but sadly her mother was on a bonding kick and had pulled out the big guns to get Daria downstairs, eating with them.

She had waived the threat of Music Camp over her head this summer, and blatantly ignored the extracurricular that Daria was already doing in the School Newspaper.

"Alright fine!" Daria had snapped in visible annoyance, "I'll eat with the rest of you."

And now there they were, the four of them, at the dinner table, the adults and Quinn subsiding on frozen lasagna, Daria had looked at the newly de-thawed concoction, sniffed, and made herself a Chicken Caesar Salad.

Quinn had first stuck to the latest gossip, but inevitably she had wound up complaining about how Daria 'stole' her 'boyfriend'.

To forestall the explosion, Daria held up a hand and said, "Quinn's exaggerating, again. What happened was that I heard she was going to pull one of her usual stunts, i.e. date a guy for his cash, then dump him once she was done with him without so much as a pat on the head."

"So…" Daria continued, dragging out the so deliciously, "I took steps to spare poor Skylar an evening of Quinn's company."

Then she dropped the hammer, "Besides aren't you supposed to be babysitting Saturday night Quinn?"

Quinn gasped and tried to salvage this, but sadly Helen hadn't been paying complete attention to the conversation, but she did get the gist of Quinn trying to skip out of her responsibilities.

"Quinn," Helen snapped, "Remember what we've taught you? A commitment's a commitment, and you have to fulfill them once you make them."

"But moooom!" Quinn began to whine, and Helen told her, "No buts!"

Daria couldn't resist a dark smile, for once Helen was on _her _side, but then she heard some dreaded words.

"However to prevent something like this happening again, there's a Time Management consultant that I've worked with before and I think it would be to your girl's benefit if I bring you along on my next consultation."

Daria was forced to go into damage control mode, "Sorry, but I'll be working on an article about the field trip to the Mall that night."

"Field trip?" Helen asked before she remembered signing a form earlier, "Oh that's right! Your class is going to learn about applied capitalism at the mall. Well… If you're doing an article about it then that's ok, but I will want to read it."

"Of course," Daria replied sweetly, having rather enjoyed her Mother's reaction to the first article about their trip to Middleton, "Anything for you guys."

Daria then finished her salad and used the excuse of cleaning up to slip away from the table, then once they were distracted to slip out of the house completely.

* * *

Daria looked around Scarlett's bedroom, it was a tad dreary, but then again everything was in this particular apartment complex, the most colorful things on the walls were the posters of her favorite bands.

Jane in the meanwhile was with Scarlett around the small cage where she kept her pet mouse.

"Jane, this is Roger, Roger this is Jane." Scarlett said sweetly while hold the mouse in her hands.

Jane smiled indulgently and said, "Hi Roger."

Scarlett grinned and put the mouse back in his cage, "I got him hoping to make him my familiar, but alas he is but a pet."

Daria smiled at that, her friend had some strange beliefs, but unlike other religions, Scarlett's belief in Wicca wasn't pushy.

"In fact the ascetics are cool looking." Daria admitted to herself while eyeballing a small alter that Scarlett had set up on a dresser drawer, black cloth draped over it and on it was an assortment of black and red candles, dried plants, pentagrams, an elaborate silver dagger, and some other knickknacks.

Daria moved on and picked a CD from Scarlett's collection, a goth band she hadn't really heard of before and put it in the player, if nothing else to give the room ambience.

The three girls then sat on Scarlett's bed and began to talk, the first topic to come up was the epic meltdown that Quinn had apparently had once she learned what Daria had done.

"According to Jeffy when that gossipy bitch Tori went over to give Quinn the news in O'Neill's, she screamed so loudly she cracked the glass in one of the windows, Tori ran out of the room screaming bloody murder about her head, and of course O'Neill cracked and cried himself." Scarlett said, relishing the story once more.

The three of them laughed again at Quinn's expense and Jane asked, "Did anything happen to Quinn, you know for the acting out?"

Daria then felt her good mood slip away a bit and replied, "No, she was allowed to get away with it, no doubt O'Neill has the hots for her too."

To salvage the situation, since Quinn was ever the minefield with Daria, Jane switched the topic to the Mall of the Millennium field trip.

"So we're going to a crass, tacky, tasteless, gaudy monstrosity to learn the ways of the world," Jane said quickly, "At least I'll get some ideas for paintings, you know, since my work isn't negative enough."

"Jane darling," Daria replied in a faux southern accent, "Nothing is negative enough for me."

Scarlett tried to inject a hopeful note into this, "Well with all those stores there's bound to be someplace cool in there, mathematically speaking."

"Oh I'm sure that even with math on our side that the Mall of the Millennium will still suck." Daria concluded, "But at least I'll get a semi-decent article out of it, I hope."

* * *

"At least he stopped singing." Daria moaned as the bus hit yet another pothole, and Brittany spared everyone the misery of Kevin singing '99 Bottles of Beer' by making out with him.

Then a horrid smell struck her nostrils, making bile rise up in her gullet.

"Oh god what is that?!"

Jane grinned darkly, her red painted lips looked like some twisted monster, "Oh now that Kevin and Brittany are going at it, she's working up a sweat, so her perfume…"

"Oh god." Daria breathed, turning a disturbing shade of green, and just in time for Upchuck to come around.

"Can someone open a window." Daria managed to say while keeping the contents of her belly inside her.

"Allow me." Charles said and then demonstrated his lack of strength by failing to open the rusted out window.

"Go get Robert." Jane ordered while looking at Daria with concern, Upchuck did what he was told and in a few minutes, the Native American football player came up from the back and asked.

"What's the problem ma'am?"

"Daria needs an open window, a.s.a.p." Jane replied kindly and with an inviting smile, Robert was dumb but cute and polite.

"No problem ma'am." He replied gently, and then demonstrated a lack of gentleness by seeming to almost rip the window out in order to get it to go down.

A delightful breeze danced across Daria's face, bringing her blessed relief from the ever growing smell from Brittany Taylor's excess of perfume.

"Thank you Rob-bear." Daria replied weakly and using a pet name she had come up for him.

Robert blushed and stammered a "Your welcome." Before heading back to his seat, but he did give both Daria and Jane one last glance of curiosity.

"And there it is," Jane said as the bus approached the monolithic chrome and glass building, "The Mall of the Millennium."

"Wow, they're slogan really is 'Shop Here Forever!'" Ms. Lane noted in surprise, having just assumed that Ms. Bennett made that part up.

"Well at least they're being honest about what they want." Daria snarked, some of her strength coming back with the goodness of fresh air.

"But what about what we want?" Jane asked.

"Hmm… Not sure." Daria replied as the bus continued to get closer and closer, "But I'm sure I can come up with something."

Jane leaned back into her seat and grinned; once Daria pulled herself together this trip could become very interesting.

"As long as…" Jane began to think before hope was dashed when Kevin began to hum 99 Bottles of Beer.

Daria leaned her head out of the window and threw up.

* * *

The instant that the Lawndale kids had gotten into the Mall, Jodie Landon had taken command, ignoring the blustering of Mrs. Bennett, she had shanghaied a couple students to go into the nearest pharmacy with her in the Mall of the Millennium, and get some items.

Daria in the meanwhile leaned on Robert like the rock he was, her stomach wanted to heave again, but she had thrown up on the Tram on the way to the entrance from the parking lot and it was now quite empty.

"It'll be ok," Robert said soothingly while holding a shivering Daria, "Puking sucks and you feel bad afterward but you'll bounce back, trust me."

"Thanks." Daria managed to say through chattering teeth, and Robert was nice enough not to point out her nasty barf breath, but he did crinkle his nose.

Luckily for them both, Jodie was bounding back with her two temporary lackeys in tow and she said, "Ok I've got these pills to help settle your stomach, and some toothpaste, a toothbrush, mouthwash, and some water to help freshen you up."

Daria just nodded and took the water and pills gratefully and after downing the medication, quickly brushed her teeth, rinsed with the water, spat it out in a nearby trash can, then gargled with mouthwash.

"If your quite alright," Mrs. Bennett snapped in the background, "We need to get going, we have a very important meeting with very important people and we're already late."

"I'll be fine now," Daria said as she took a few steps with Robert pulling the trick of propping someone up without seeming to do so.

The teacher then pulled out her map, and in five minutes got them all lost, she asked Jane to sort out the color schemes on the charts, but got distracted by a store that sold some sort of knickknack that she collected.

"This is going to be a long day." Daria muttered to herself sadly, Robert then glanced at Daria's two weird friends, Scarlett and Jane and asked, "Should we get her some food?"

"Not a bad idea." Jane mused, but was denied when Bennett came bounding out of the store with two bags filled with those Fuzzy Wuzzy Weebits she collected and said, "Now onward ho!"

Daria just sighed and thanked him again for helping her through this.

* * *

While one of the non-descript mall executives prattled on about what people shopped for, Daria took in the room with a lazy eye, due to being a bit weak from the puking, her brain wasn't working on all cylinders, but something about all this didn't sit right.

Jane began making snarky comments about shoplifters being the best judges of merchandise, then Charlie added to it with his own comebacks about how a fine, luscious woman in a bikini wouldn't need to associate herself with shoplifting.

"Since any man worth his salt would simply buy her whatever she wanted," He said innocently, "And by the by I do happen to have my father's gold card, if you're interested Jane."

"I'll take my chances with the shoplifters." She replied, but more to mock the suits than Upchuck.

Daria couldn't resist a grin as the three executives did their damn best to get away from the topic of shoplifting, she then realized what was up with all this, and motioned to Scarlett to come over.

"I think that mirror over there is a two-way deal," Daria said quietly into the redhead's ear, "Find a light switch and flick it."

Scarlett nodded and began looking around and once she had the target, made a beeline for it and before anyone could stop her, turned off the lights, revealing that they were being monitored, then flicked the lights back on.

Daria felt her smile turn dark as the executives of the Mall of Millennium went into spin mode, trying to dig their way out of pulling a secret focus-group on teenagers without paying.

"Time to extort them for cash." Daria thought as she, and oddly enough Jodie and Mack went to town on them.

They didn't stand a chance.

* * *

Daria grinned like the cat that ate the canary as she and Charlie walked the halls of the Mall with a hundred dollars cash in her pocket, Charles Ruttheimmer III was grinning because due to her illness earlier, Daria still needed someone to help keep her steady.

Which meant being very, very close.

"Feisty!" Charles had thought to himself at the time, and still thought now every five seconds, everything about Daria was just so, perfect.

Her skin was smooth and free of blemish, she had a nice, tight body, but not rail thin like most hot girls were, everything was in perfect proportion, and she was easily one of the smartest people he had ever met.

"The food court should be nearby." Charlie said having memorized the map at once glance.

"Good," daria replied weakly, "I really need something to eat, and then maybe I'll be up to shop and do the stupid assignment."

Charlie grinned like a loon, and only felt it fall slightly when he noticed who else was at the food court once the turned a corner.

Mrs. Bennett had assigned random pairs to do different things at the Mall, but most of everyone figured they could do it in two-seconds, and spend the rest of the time shopping, eating, chilling, or whatever.

And in the food court, two other pairs were there, Mack and Scarlett were already at a table with Jodie and the Goth girl Andrea, and all four were eating to their hearts content.

Daria pointed at the small Taco Hut in the food court and said, "Next time I'll let you pick Charlie."

The hope she had given him, that there _would be a next time_, made his entire week seem like gold.

* * *

Quinn Morgendorffer, Sandi Griffin, Tiffany Blum-Deckler, and Stacy Rowe, walked the halls of the Mall of the Millennium, bags of course being carried by the guy that had brought them here, they had ditched school to come to this wonderful land of shopping, since duh!

It was the Mall of the Millennium, where you could shop _forever!_

"I just like, hope that they have salads in the food courts." Quinn said in her sweetest tones, having to walk on tiptoes since her popularity had been taking some serious hits this past week.

"I do too Kw-hin," Sandi said while exaggerating her 'bff's' name, "Because if you gain any weight, it might hurt your standing."

Quinn forced a laugh and dismissed the idea of getting fat, but the worry was obvious in her tone, even Tiffany picked up on it.

Sandi suppressed a grin, since that Daria slut had stolen Skylar from out underneath her sister, and spread those rumors about her being a crappy date, Quinn's popularity had been in free fall.

"And since that slut has… Temporarily seized the reigns, popularity is a scarce commodity." Sandi thought to herself, having looked up some big words the night before to articulate her thoughts properly.

She had justified this to herself on the basis that, that Daria girl had made being smart _cool_.

Which was another thing that Sandi would have to work on, but first things first, break the younger sister, then work on the older one.

No sense in destroying Daria only to find that hard work undone by yet another Morgendorffer becoming more popular!

The four girls turned the corner and breathed a sigh of relief, finally the food court…

Then Sandi and Quinn saw who else was there and stopped dead in their tracks.

"Uh…" they both breathed, and then were forced to suppress irritation when Stacy and Tiffany failed to stop and ran right into them.

"Watch it!" Sandi snapped as quietly as she could and then pointed out the four other L-Dale students already present.

Stacy began to hyperventilate, which forced Sandi and Quinn to drag her off, Tiffany and that guy or whatever following them.

"I… Didn't… know… the tour…. Was… here…" Tiffany drawled, and for once was completely correct.

The Fashion Club girls had made a simple mistake, they had known about the Economics class going to the Mall for the day, but they had assumed it was at the local mall, and not a mall over a hundred miles away.

The group then began to flounder, until Sandi took the reins and said that they would be leaving now, "While we can, like, get away with it, or whatever."

They began to weave their way through the twisted halls, until a voice emerged from a store that sold some ugly and unfashionable plush dolls.

"Hey! What are you girls doing here during school hours?" Mrs. Bennett said emerging with even more Fuzzy Wuzzy Weebits than ever before.

At that point, all four girls screamed and bolted, the guy following as fast as he could with all those bags spilling everywhere in his wake.

* * *

"Did you hear something?" Mack asked while cocking an ear up, not noticing the ketchup running down his cheek.

"Hear what sugar?" Daria asked as she and Charlie came up with some tacos and drinks, the smells alone were doing wonders for the Sex Queen.

At the sight of Daria Morgendorffer, Mack's brain shut down and shifted to his little brain, he just stammered and said, "Nothing I guess, except you of course."

Jane, Scarlett, and even Andrea couldn't resist a grin at that, then snickered when they noticed that Jodie was vacantly staring at Daria with undisguised lust.

Charles just growled in his throat and sat down and said, "So we eat and then… Bikini Island?"

Daria also sat down and replied, "Nah… I was thinking Leather Emporium."

At that, Upchuck shuddered with desire, Mack had to wipe his forehead of sweat, and Jodie breathed in deeply and began to wonder what Daria, Mack, and herself would look like in tight leather clothing.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Scarlett replied teasingly, wondering what sort of madness would be unleashed, but hoping to dodge active participation herself.

Jane just glanced at Andrea and whispered, "This will be very entertaining."

Andrea just replied, "I hope so, I've been dragged to this hellhole of capitalism against my will, there had better be a major payoff, I mean besides the cash."

Jane grinned very evilly, "With Daria, trust me, there's always a big payoff in the end."

* * *

"It was nice of that clerk to give us all discounts." Scarlett said while running her fingers down the slick material of her new, tight, black leather jacket.

"Yeah," Jane replied with a devilish grin, "And all it took was Daria coming out of the dressing room in that leather bikini, knee high jack boots, and a smile."

Daria, who was now wearing her normal clothes, and had a very tight leather jacket as a cushion just gave an even larger more satisfied grin than before.

"I only had to model three different outfits for the poor dear," Daria replied in her breathy voice, "I was hoping that black leather dress would have been enough, but he had more stamina than I thought, so I broke out the biker gear, then the bikini."

"And you made a lot of people very happy." Andrea butted in from the seat in front of them, all the while enjoying her own jacket.

After spending most of the school day at the mall, Mrs. Bennett's economic class was now heading back to Lawndale, with an impressive collection of bags around all their feet, filled with goodies.

Charles leaned in from the seat behind Daria and replied to Andrea's words, "None more happy than myself, you were simply to die for Daria."

Daria just giggled at that and replied, "Oh that I am Charlie, that I am."

Even with his improvements, Charles let slip a, "Feisty!" that actually didn't sound all that sleazy.

Even Jane smiled at it.

In the meanwhile, Charles thought about the pictures that Daria had let him take of her in that dress, and in that black strappy leather bikini, and knew that it would make his father _very _happy.

"More than enough to forgive the… discretionary purchases made on his credit card." Charles thought to himself with glee.

He hadn't needed to buy Daria that dress, or the other stuff she had tried on in the store, in fact Daria had tried to wave him off on doing it, but he did it anyway, and had felt like a God when she smiled.

"Sadly the others had to buy their jackets with their bribe money." Charlie noted to himself, but didn't feel any regrets on that score, since Daria had smooth talked the clerk into discounting quite a bit of stuff to make it happen.

"I think she could talk a Rabbi into eating pork, or a Mormon to buy condoms." Charles thought to himself in awe again.

And then felt even better when he remembered that new scanner in his room where he could make copies of the pictures.

"Feisty!"

* * *

Jodie admired Mack in his new tight leather jacket, "It really looks good on him." Jodie thought to herself and then felt the material of her own acquisition and felt… sexy.

She then snuck a peak at Daria, letting her memory dredge up the image of her in those… Wow!

"Ok screw it," Jodie thought to herself as she let a very heavy weight fall off of her shoulders, most of which came from the thought of how her parents would react to all of this.

"I'm going to ask Mack when we get back if he's ok with… A second shot at what we almost did in that laundry room."

Jodie then glanced at Daria again, lounging in her bus seat, clearly recovered from her early morning puke, "I'll call her later tonight and set something up for later still in the evening."

Jodie then sneered to herself, "Skylar can pick over the leftovers tomorrow night, if we let him."

* * *

Once she was safely and securely in her room it had taken almost an hour to stop laughing.

"Scarlett, Jane," Daria said weakly into the receiver, "You two should have been here, it was FUCKING SPECTACULAR!"

"What happened?" Scarlett asked on the other end of the line, thankful for conference calling.

Daria then related the story about the Fashion Club's adventure in skipping school to the go to the mall, specifically the Mall of the Millennium.

"What?!" came from two voices at once.

Daria then laughed again, "Yeah, the nitwits didn't realize that we'd be going to the big new fancy mall rather than the local one, they were busted by Mrs. Bennett outside of that Fuzzy toy store. Granted they ran like cowards and got away, but she had them dead nuts."

Then Daria snickered again, "Plus the shopping bags with the credit card receipts still in them helped in ID-ing the perps."

Jane and Scarlett both snickered.

"So what punishment did the Fashion Queens get?" Jane asked once she got control of herself.

Daria snickered again, "Oh it was epic, I don't know about the others, but when Mom got her hands on Quinn… Normally she only yells like that at me! It made for such a nice change."

There wasn't much snickered on that one, which Daria found odd but she continued, "At any rate, Quinn's allowance is gone, for the next two months, she doesn't get to do _any shopping_, starting tomorrow, and it will last until whenever my mother feels like relenting."

Daria then sighed, "Or until she forgets, which might actually last a week this time considering how epic this is."

Jane and Scarlett both offered some words of sympathy on that score.

"If I did anything like that and my aunt found out about it." Scarlett said before her shudder was audible through the phone.

"My parents wouldn't care since they're currently on the Easter Islands looking at those statue things, but I'm thinking that Trent might actually say something about it." Jane said, and then enjoying Daria's much more stuttered question asking how Trent was.

"Oh he's right as rain Daria," Jane replied gleefully, "He broke up with his girlfriend this week so he's available."

"Eap!" Daria squeaked, causing Jane and Scarlett to giggle like school girls.

Which they technically were, but let's not call a spade a spade.

* * *

Jodie sucked in a deep breath, glanced at Mack for support and dialed the number, her fingers trembled with each push of the button.

"Hello?" Daria's breathy voice sounded from the other end of the line.

"Hey Daria, what's going on?" Jodie asked as calmly as she could, Mack rubbed one of her legs to calm her down.

"Not much at the moment, other than Quinn complaining about her punishment, you?"

"Oh I heard about that!" Jodie then giggled at that pooch screw, "But that's not why I called."

"Why did you call then?" Daria asked out of curiosity.

"I… Well _we _were thinking about the, you know, laundry room incident and I was wondering…"

"Is Mack there?" Daria asked out of curiosity again.

"Yes," Jodie replied and felt a hint of desire escape into her tone, bringing a smile to Mack Dynamite's lips, "And well… Do you want to try again? Without interruptions?"

"…Oh yes."

"Come by Mack's then," Jodie replied quickly and gave her the address.

"I'll see you in a few, bye Jodie."

"Bye…"

* * *

Daria noticed that while Jodie clearly came from money, Mack was on the lower-middle class end of the spectrum, if his parents' house was any indication.

"I wonder how controlling parents like Jodie's would tolerate her dating someone from a bracket lower than theirs." Daria pondered as she slipped into the house, wearing her usual outfit, but dolled up to look extra wonderful.

She had heard quite a bit about the infamous Landons, from Jodie and others, and they seemed perfect on the surface, but the appalling damage they had done to their daughter alone was enough to reveal a lot wrong beneath the surface.

"So no different from anyone else then." Daria sneered to herself before entering the house, having been told that Mack's parents were out of town.

Mack greeted her in the entrance, fully dressed thankfully, and he beamed and took her coat and asked if she wanted some liquid courage.

"No thanks sugar," Daria replied sweetly, "Where's little Jodie?"

"In the bedroom," Mack replied blushing, "Getting some courage into her system."

Daria smiled at that and asked if he could show her.

"No problem!" Mack enthusiastically said, making Daria giggle as she took his hand and he led her to the place he had always wanted to see her in.

His bedroom.

The room looked like any teen boys room, posters of bands and sports stars, a book shelf, some knickknacks, a bed that had a beautiful black girl on it.

Ok maybe not the last, but everything else was normal.

Jodie was lounging on the sheets, blouse unbuttoned at the top, but otherwise normal, except she had had a couple glasses of wine and the stress normally on her face was gone.

Mack and Daria sat down next to her and Daria asked them both if they wanted to stop before they went any further.

"No." Mack and Jodie breathed together.

"Ok then," Daria replied with a touch of hesitation, "I've said before I've never done this before, with multiple people I mean…"

"I have to ask," Jodie said suddenly, "How many people have you slept with?"

Daria said quietly, "Two, one guy and one girl."

"Then why the act?" Jodie asked while leaning in closer and not realizing it.

Daria smiled at that, "It's complicated, it started out as a way to make my sister suffer and it just grew and grew into something much bigger than that."

"Besides," Daria added with a joyful laugh, "It lets me keep full control over everyone, the guys love me, the girls love to hate me, they spread their rumors, leaving me free to do what I wish without real judgment since hey, they've already convinced themselves I've done so much worse."

Daria, then inched closer and closer to the pair, and added in a lusty whisper, "And the best part is, besides the perks I mean, is that I can find the best of the best, and truly enjoy things."

Daria then felt Mack's fingers find her top and she let him begin to unzip it and she whispered, "Without any fear."

Then she leaned in and before Jodie could do anything stupid, like stop her, Daria kissed her, and Jodie began kissing back.

Then Daria pulled out just in time for Mack to undo her top and she kissed him, then Mack kissed Jodie while Daria began to unhook his pants.

Then it was game on after that.

* * *

While Scarlett and Jane chatted in the back, Daria glanced at Robert from her passenger side seat and thank him again for driving them to school.

"My pleasure Ma'am." The big lug replied in his kind voice.

Daria blew him a kiss and smiled sweetly at his blush, he really was a nice guy, but sadly lacking in the memory department.

"But maybe I could help him with that." Daria mussed to herself, wondering what it would take to help the big guy.

However her thoughts quickly turned to the events of the night before, and yet another wave of euphoria flooded her body.

Daria leaned back into the seat and grinned like a fool, thankful that no one was looking at her.

"I think Mack earned that nickname." Daria's inner voice whispered to her, and Daria was forced to suck on her lower lip to keep from laughing out loud, she barely managed to keep her silent giggles in check.

Mack and Jodie, individually either one of them would have been fantastic, but put together… The results had been absolutely ecstatic.

Afterward, and once they had recovered, it had been with a mixture of sorrow and regret that Daria and Jodie had left, needing to get back home and in both cases, sneak back in to avoid getting into trouble.

"Though maybe Jodie _needs _to get in trouble," Daria had wondered then, "It might serve as a catalyst for her, a good fight with Mom and Dad just might be what the doctor ordered to break her out of her self-made prison.

Getting back into her parents had been relatively simple, all Daria had done was snuck around the back where she had left the patio door unlocked, slipped in carrying her shoes in hand, then moved quietly and quickly up the stairs and slipped into her bedroom, changed into her usual pj's, and tried to catch up on her sleep.

No one had been the wiser in the morning, the caffeine pills had helped in that regard, though Daria was never a morning person anyways, so nothing was suspicious.

Daria had even written the article for the column prior to her evenings activities and gave her mother a copy like she had promised.

"Though I doubt she'll read it until tomorrow at the earliest." Daria reminded herself with sneer of contempt.

As Robert pulled up in front of Lawndale High, Daria suppressed a bored yawn and grabbed her teddy bear backpack.

Though as Scarlett and Jane debated the hotness of the drummer of Backflash compared to the rhythm guitarist of Steel Chimera, even while getting out of the car, Daria felt just a tiny bit better about going to this hellhole for the next three years.

"At least I have some real friends to share it with." Daria thought to herself fondly, even while she enjoyed making Robert blush with a kiss on the cheek and one last thank you.

He really was a sweet boy.

* * *

Quinn sat with the other three members of the Fashion Club in the back of their History class, as usual, and ignored the teacher and talked about important stuff.

Like fashion, and the totally NOT fair punishments they had all gotten for doing their duty as soldiers of fashion and going to the mall.

"Ok, so Tiffany got three weeks, Stacy got a month like me, and of course Sandi got off the lightest, just a week." Quinn thought to herself while Sandi continued to complain about it.

"Ugh! Why does she have to go on about how unfair it is, it isn't like her Mom won't crack in a couple days anyway."

Quinn then felt a little better herself, since her parents would probably crack as well, it would just take a little longer.

But in the meanwhile, she was thankful for the babysitting job now, since it was going to be her only source of cash until then.

"And besides," Quinn reminded herself, "It gave me an 'out' from having to fess up to not being able to go out due to being grounded, like Tiff and Stacy had to do."

Quinn was then irritated by the reminder that Sandi already lined up a date in anticipation of an early release.

At this point all she could do was deal with what had been handed to her, and then wait for a better chance to work on rebuilding her popularity, it had taken far too many hits as it was.

"Preferably by making people see Daria for what she really is," Quinn fumed to herself in cold fury, "An evil slutty bitch!"

Then the damn teacher just had to go and ask Stacy a question about what he was teaching, which sent her into hyperventilation and forced Quinn and Sandi to try and calm her down.

It took nearly three minutes, which wasn't helped by DeMartino freaking out and doing that eye thing, which panicked Stacy even further.

"High School sucks." Quinn muttered bitterly while she rubbed Stacy's back and Sandi kept repeating, "It's alright." Over and over again, in front of everyone.

Dammit!

* * *

Scarlett didn't have a chance to react as what felt like a brick wall collided into her as she began to turn away from her locker with books and paper in hand.

"Hey watch it!" She yelled out as a couple of her assignments and a book flew out of her hands all over the hallway floor.

"Oh I'm sorry!" a nice looking boy apologized as he quickly scrambled and grabbed the dropped items before they were stepped on.

"Here you go." The boy said as he handed everything back, his blue eyes danced like twin sapphire suns, they drew Scarlett in and for some reason they reminded her of the eyes of her not-so secret crush.

"Th…Thanks." Scarlett stammered and then felt like an idiot when she asked him his hand.

"I'm Ronnie," the boy said while running a hand nervously through his long blond hair, "Ronnie White."

Scarlett smiled at that and replied, "I'm Scarlett."

"I know," Ronnie said with a nervous grin, "You hang around Daria a lot, so everyone knows your name."

The look of surprise on Scarlett's face made Ronnie feel a little better as she said, "Wow, I didn't think anyone had noticed."

Ronnie snickered at that, "Everyone notices Daria, how could they not notice her friends?"

Scarlett giggled at that, and then blanched when she realized what time it was, "Oh crap, we've got to get to class or else we'll both be late."

The two of them then were forced to almost bolt in order to make it, but for some reason in Defoe's class, Scarlett kept drifting off, her thoughts turning to a boy with sapphire blue eyes.

"Ronnie," Scarlett muttered dreamily while lazily working on the day's project, "Ronnie…"

* * *

Daria smiled as she handed in her latest article, "Malled" to the editor of the newspaper, who just happened to be Jodie and said, "I just wish I had been the one to bust Quinn, not the teacher."

Jodie snickered and replied, "Yeah, you could have blackmailed her for cash."

"Nah," Daria replied with a dark grin, "I'd have just forced her to do all my chores for a month, unlike my parents I would have held her too it."

They both laughed at that, but Daria added, "At least Quinn and the other Fashion Victims are getting detentions after school for a whole month, and that's going to stick no matter what."

Jodie then asked, much more quietly, "How do you feel, about last night?"

Daria's smile became much more pleasant and she said in her most breathy of voices, "Like a million bucks, I had a lot of fun and I hope you did too."

Jodie then sighed and replied, "Yeah I did, and it's got me thinking about, you know… Everything I do… and don't do."

Daria just stood silently, letting Jodie get it all off her chest.

"I… I know I need to stand up for myself, against my parents and their ever growing list of things for me to do in order to get into a top school… I just… I wish I had your nerve."

Daria just replied, "You do Jodie, you just gotta learn to use it."

Jodie smiled sadly and replied, "And I want to give Mack a real chance, do things right this time, no more making him the last thing on the list, I just… I don't know how to start that conversation."

"Just start talking Jodie," Daria said with kindness, "And keep talking until you've both hashed it out and decided for yourself what you want."

"That sounds like… Good advice." Jodie replied quietly while trying to look at some of the submitted articles in vain.

"I try darling," Daria said with warmth, "But if you and Mack are going to try and really give this relationship a shot, I don't think we can do a repeat of… last night."

Jodie's eyes flew open and she began to speak, but Daria cut her off, "No Jodie, it's not that I don't like you two, I do, but in a relationship between two people, a third person is a crowd, I'd just get in the way. You two have enough on your plate as it is."

Daria then said with redness in her eyes, "But I will always be your friend, no matter what."

"…Yeah," Jodie replied quietly, processing what Daria had said and seeing the logic, the hard cold true logic, "But… If there comes a time when it _could_ work…"

"If we're all on the same page, I'd be willing." Daria answered sweetly and then put on a brave face and changed the topic to the article in question, asking if Jodie wanted her to do anything else for it.

Jodie just gave some stock answers about reviewing it first, and then said she'd see Daria later.

"Always Jodie." Daria replied before striding away, with much less spring in her step than usual.

Once she was out of the Newspaper room, Daria shut the door and leaned on it and sucked in some air, despite feeling bad she knew she had done the right thing.

* * *

A little later, after school, while Daria began changing into her outfit for a night at the movies, Jane slept on the couch at Casa Lane, Skylar Feldman grinned at himself in a mirror as he hooked his favorite necklace around his neck, Quinn was leaning her face on the window of the front passenger side of her Mom's SUV as they sped to the Gupty's for her babysitting job.

* * *

Scarlett LeVay listened to the latest Backflash CD while laying on her bed, trying to focus on a new spell book she had bought at the bookstore, but her mind kept filling with images of the boy with sapphire blue eyes.

"I wonder if he meant it when he said that people notice me." Scarlett thought out loud while sliding the book down to look at Roger in his little cage, he was the best confidant she had, he wouldn't tell a soul any of her secrets.

"I wonder," Scarlett said while unknowingly licking her lips, "Does he… notice _me?"_

* * *

Skylar Feldman stood quietly with a slight smirk on his face while an old guy he assumed was Daria's Dad yelled up the stairs that her date was here.

The first surprise of the evening was that Daria came down a couple minutes later, since normally chicks were into making the guy wait anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes.

"Wow," Skylar thought to himself when he caught sight of Daria, "She's like a 10!"

As Daria Morgendorffer walked gracefully down the stairs, even Jake did a double take, in lieu of her usual outfit, she was wearing a very tight black spaghetti strap shirt, tighter low cut pink jeans, nice black heels, her usual white purse, her hair messy yet stylish, the makeup minimal, and around her neck dangled a pretty golden cross.

Out loud Skylar managed to say without a whimper, "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," Daria said kindly with a warm smile on her lips, "So the movies and then whatever?"

"Yeah," Skylar replied dreamily, "Movies… I guess you want to see that new Chick flick right?"

Daria just giggled at that and replied, "Oh God no, I want to see that new Vampire movie, give me blood and gore over some simpering Hollywood starlet any day of the week."

Skylar's smile could have lit up Vegas as he offered his arm to Daria and he led her to his very nice jet black sports car and thought to himself, "Daria is awesome!"

This was, or so Skylar now hoped, would mark the start of one the best nights of his life.

* * *

Quinn felt her smile melt away once Lester and Lauren Gupty were out the door, she already knew the schedule by heart, babysitting for these guys was a cakewalk.

"Even though the way they dress is so… ugh!" Quinn thought to herself while turning around to look at the two Gupty kids.

Tricia was the elder of the two and was wearing one of the kitschier things that the Gupty's made her wear, an actual babydoll dress, mary jane shoes, stockings, a bow on her head, and except for the shoes, everything was powder purple.

Tad was in even more dire straits with that buttoned blue polo shirt, tan khakis, and ugly brown shoes.

"What's wrong Quinn?" Tricia asked once they got a look at her fallen face.

Normally Quinn would just follow the schedule, keep a smile on her face, let the kids follow it like predictable clockwork thingys, and spend the rest of the time on the phone since the TV had that parental block on it.

But now… She wasn't feeling up to it.

"Tough week." Quinn said quietly while slumping onto the Gupty's couch, "You two wouldn't understand."

Tricia and Tad both looked crestfallen at Quinn's sadness, until Tricia had an idea and she whispered it to Tad who then beamed like a small star.

"Hey Quinn," Tad said sweetly, "Do you think we could play our music a little early?"

"Sure," Quinn answered lamely, "Whatever."

Tricia and Tad didn't waste any more time, they both headed straight to their bedroom to get their record player and their happiest records.

* * *

As yet another undead bloodsucker met it's end at the behest of the lone hero armed with a silver stake, Skylar Feldman nearly cheered and glanced at Daria to make sure she was having a good time.

And once more to his amazement, she was almost glowing as yet another vamp met a gory end on the big screen.

"This is the best date ever!" Skylar whispered to himself in awe before taking a big gulp from his Coke, he was in a theater, enjoying junk food with a hot lady, and best of all, he wasn't stuck watching some boring ass chick flick.

Life was good.

On Daria's end of things, she found the movie to be rather stupid in terms of plot, she had already spotted eight plot holes in the first act alone, but she was digging the special effects.

"They really did a good job with the bloody exploding corpses." She thought to herself as more vampires met their deaths.

Then the (bad) ham actor said more cheesy one-liners, and of course the token action girl in the skimpy impractical armor immediately took off her top and kissed him and began another soft-core sex scene.

"I bet in the sequel they have a kid that is born with a sword in it's hand." Daria thought to herself sarcastically, deciding to save that line for when the film was on sale and she and her friends could snark about it together.

* * *

"_I can hope and I can dream/"_ Tricia and Tad both sang while sitting on either side of Quinn on the couch, _"and I am full of, full of, full of, full of self-esteem!"_

Even though this was the third replay of their insipid little song, Quinn noticed that she was swaying to the beat.

"Wow," she thought to herself, "I have to admit that at least it's a happy song."

She hadn't noticed that she was humming the tune yet.

* * *

The remains of pizza were on the table before them, Skylar finished his soda and asked Daria if she wanted another refill.

"No thank you," Daria replied kindly, "I'm stuffed."

Skylar laughed at that a little and replied, "Me too."

After the movie, which Skylar had loved, Daria had suggested that they go out for pizza and now here they were, in the local Pizza Prince, having had a blast.

"I've had a really good time tonight Daria," Skylar said out of the blue with a warm, satisfied grin on his face, "This has been the best date I've been on in, well, ages."

"Oh come now," Daria said with false modesty, "I can't be that good…"

"Oh yes you are!" Skylar replied enthusiastically, and not realizing that they were being overheard by several other Lawndale High kids that were in the pizza joint with them.

Daria just giggled and went, "Oh stop!" But was clearly enjoying the praise.

After settling the bill, and Skylar discovered that he hadn't even spent 50 bucks yet on all of this, they strolled out of the pizza place, Skylar putting a polite arm around Daria's waist, and sparking a whole new wave of rumors in the process.

They got into his car and just, drove for a bit, while they talked, and while Skylar brought Daria to a place he knew had a good view of the town, he felt brave enough and comfortable enough with her to reveal something about him he hadn't said to anyone.

"Hey Daria," Skylar said with her head on his shoulder while they took in the glittering view of their hometown, "I want to ask your opinion on something."

"Ok, shoot." Daria replied softly.

"Try not to laugh but… I was thinking about trying out for Drama Club, you know to see if I can be an actor." Skylar said carefully, hoping against hope that he was with someone who would understand, that wouldn't just make fun of him and say that he was gay or something.

"Sounds good," Daria answered nonchalantly, as if it wasn't a gigantic thing.

"…Really?" Skylar answered in turn with cautious optimism, though with a hint of fear at a sudden rejection.

"Really," Daria replied, "I think it's cool."

"Thank you," Skylar breathed in sweet relief, "I knew you'd understand, but I was afraid you'd laugh at me like everyone else probably would."

"Who cares what they think?" Daria asked in reply, a bit more flatly than she normally let people hear her speak.

"Hey yeah!" Skylar said as though he had achieved a revelation, "Who cares? This shouldn't be about them, it's about what I want."

"And what about me?" Daria asked teasingly while running a finger across Skylar's jawline sinuously.

Skylar just grinned at that and looked deep into Daria's eyes and replied, "I care about what you think Daria."

She grinned and said, "Good answer."

Then she rewarded him with the hottest make out session he had ever experienced up until that time.

* * *

Quinn beamed at the two slumbering figures, all nice and snug in their beds, she put the book back on its shelf, relieved that it only took a single telling of Snow White to send into dreamland.

"At least their parents have got them eating the right stuff early and taking care of their teeth and stuff." Quinn reminded herself while tiptoeing out of the room.

"I mean it took me forever to stop eating all that sugary stuff and eating carrot sticks so I'd stay thin, but they have GOT to work on their fashion sense or else in High School they'll be eaten alive."

It didn't take long for the Gupty's to come back home after their children were nice and asleep, and for Quinn to report that all was well.

"They are so predictable," Quinn mused to herself while tuning out what the Gupty's had to say, "This is the easiest gig in the world."

For a second, something that Lester had said about a picture caused Quinn's head to hurt as it tried to think, but she suppressed the pesky pain and instead focused on collecting her payment, all the while humming the tune about having self-esteem.

Both Lester and Lauren Gupty noticed this and grinned to each other, glad that their parenting skills even worked on other people's kids.

It only took a few more minutes of waiting for her dad to arrive to pick her up, and with a nice cute goodbye, Quinn got into her father's Lexus, and fell into a state of semi-sleep while curled up in the front seat.

In this state, she began to softly sing a tune, "_and I am full of, full of self-esteem!"_

Jake Morgendorffer glanced at his daughter, worried for half a second before putting it out of his thoughts since it would have required doing something.

Then he promptly forgot about it, or that his daughter was sleeping and turned on the radio and cranked up the volume at the same time.

"_Oh girls! They just want to have fu-un!"_

This caused Quinn to wake up with a startled scream, and her father to panic and nearly run right off the road.

After that Quinn was wide away all the way home and radio stayed off, it was easier on both of them that way.

* * *

The sun shined on yet another day in Lawndale, but sadly the students of Lawndale High wouldn't get to enjoy it very much.

Since they were stuck in Ms. Li's fishbowl for another round of torture... I mean learning!

"So Amiga," Jane asked sweetly as she and Daria prowled the halls, and ignored those trying to listen in, "How did your date with Skylar go?"

"It was fun actually," Daria replied with infectious bubbly glee, "We saw that new vampire flick, then we had pizza and found a cozy spot for 'leisurely pursuits'."

"Ahh…" Jane responded, "And what were those leisurely pursuits?"

Daria just giggled and replied, "Oh Jayne, I'd never kiss and tell."

She didn't have to bother, the school gossips were already creating their own version of events, which became steamier and kinkier by each retelling.

"Pity," Jane replied with a teasing grin, "But on a different not, have you seen Scarlett yet?"

"Yeah," Daria replied as they reached her locker, "She said she had to meet someone first."

* * *

"Like omigod! Daria totally snarffed Skylar's you-know-what at the movies! She has no shame!" One prudish girl said to Priscilla, who sniffed (and secretly wanted to do the same).

"Did you hear about Sandi's date? He totally bailed on her when she kept nagging him about his shoes. Heeheeheeheehee!" Tori Jericho said to anyone with working eardrums.

"Can you bul-ieve how _cheap_ a date Daria is?!" One freshman girl said to another, and she meant cheap as a bad thing.

"Jodie quit being Captain of the Chess team!" One nerd said to Ed 'the Head' who answered back that Jodie had upped and quit nearly 2/3rds of her extracurriculars that morning. "Whoa!" was the only response to that.

"Hey I knew that Daria was awesome, but being cool enough to do all that?! Wow!" One of the football players said to a dude on track, and he totally agreed with the other guy. Then had to ask what he was talking about since he hadn't heard the word yet.

"Dammit that tune is, like, viral and junk!" One student said to another after being called out on humming some annoying song that was even now spreading across Lawndale like the plague.

"Daria rules!" every single guy at LHS said at one point or another on that most fateful of days.

* * *

Scarlett had gotten up an hour early that day and had spent her time practicing how to introduce herself to her pet mouse Roger.

Who did the helpful thing by first pawing at the cage a bit and then eating his breakfast before crapping it out and sleeping it off.

She had dressed in her usual clothes, but had put on some higher quality makeup than usual, she had used the stuff reserved for special occasions.

And now that she had spotted him by himself in the hallway, it was moment of truth time.

Once she had caught his eye, his gorgeous sapphire blue eyes, all those rehearsed lines flew out the window and she was forced to improvise.

"Uh… Hi Ronnie." Scarlett said lamely, it was the best she could do with short notice.

"Hi Scarlett." Ronnie answered with a casual grin, and Scarlett had to suppress glee at the fact that he had _remembered her!_

"I was wondering about what you… You know, said yesterday about people noticing me…"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to ask if you… noticed me?"

Ronnie's grin grew a bit and his eyes seemed to sparkle as he replied, "I have noticed you Scarlett, how could I not?"

That answer alone sent Scarlett LeVey into the stratosphere.

"Thanks!"

Then to her horror, things grew quiet and she realized that she would have to make the first move, which brought her back way down to earth.

"Uh… Do you want to… Go out sometime?" she asked the last with a very nervous squeak.

After asking it, fear turned her bowels into jelly and she felt absolutely certain that he would say no and then make fun of her.

A heartbeat later Ronnie replied, "Sure, how about tomorrow at 8?"

"Yes, I'd love to!" Scarlett answered bouncing back with a level of happiness she hadn't felt in a while.

"Cool," Ronnie replied smoothly, "So it's a date then."

Then it hit her, really hit her, she had asked a guy out and he had said yes.

Scarlett LeVey then knew how people felt when they hit to lottery, and it felt fantastic!

* * *

"I still can't believe you talked me into this." Jane mumbled while sitting in the auditorium with only a few other students.

Daria answered with, "Aww, you don't want to expand your horizons?"

"Not during lunch."

"What about supporting your fellow students in their endeavors?"

"You mean supporting Skylar Feldman as he gets ready to make an ass of himself for us to laugh at? Sure I'm game for that." Jane answered with glee, impressed that Daria had talked him into this.

Daria began to answer that, but sadly was forced to stop when the Lawndale Drama Club began to hold open auditions for a small performance of _South Pacific_.

The first role was for Joseph Cable and after a couple lackluster auditions from a couple guys, Skylar's turn was up.

And he nailed it to the wall and owned it!

"Go Skylar!" Daria cheered for him once he was finished, ignoring that she was alone in doing so, and Skylar's happiness was so acute it could probably be measured from space.

After he gave Daria a formal bow, and earning quite the smile from her, the three kids in charge of the open call, Wynona, Jolie, and Bobby were unanimous in their decision.

Skylar won the part.

And was so buzzed that he asked Daria out on a second date, and she said yes.

* * *

"Ugh!" Sandi moaned dramatically at the lunch table as more people walked by humming that insipid tune that was suddenly _popular._

"I can't bu-lieve that people like that song!" Sandi complained again to her fellow Fashion Club members.

"I know…" Tiffany drawled while poking at her salad, "It's… sooooo… wrong…"

"Yeah!" Stacy added enthusiastically, "And have you guys heard the lyrics? Like omg it's so stupid."

Sandi then glanced at Quinn in her conspicuous silence, "Quinn… QUINN!"

"What?!" Quinn stammered out in shock having been lost in a fog.

"What do you think of that annoying tune? Or are you suffering from a blessed deafness to it and if you are would you care to share this secret with the rest of us?"

"Oh Sandi, you know I'd share a power like that with you guys," Quinn replied with a nervous giggle, "I think it's dumb, but hopefully like spandex it will be soooo last year in an hour."

The other FC members agreed, at least to the notion of spandex being out of season, preferable forever.

Meanwhile Quinn returned to the important task of eating and letting a pretty song fill her ears and dig her out of her funk.

"If I'm full of esteem then everything will work out in the end." Quinn thought to herself, "Esteem is the key, is the key, is the key… Hey that's a cool rhyme."

She then realized that as bad as things had gotten, this had to be the bottom of the barrel.

It couldn't possibly get any worse.

Could it?

**THE END**

_Notes: Some lines from 'Malled' and 'Pinch Sitter', the events of 'College Bored' are mentioned in the intro, the only major canon difference was a mentioned 'Keg Queen' war between Daria and Quinn's frats that ended when the cops showed up._


	3. Sexy Cute Models

**Sexy Daria: Sexy Cute Models**

Skylar turned off the radio in disgust and asked himself rhetorically, "Who came up with the so-called rock version of 'Full of Esteem'?!"

The lovely rose smelling goddess in the passenger seat answered anyway, "A band really desperate for fame, and I bet Jane's brother is beating himself up that Fetal Metal beat him to the punch."

Skylar snickered at that, having been introduced to Trent by Daria's oddball friend Jane a few nights before.

Daria then added "At least Trent has _some _standards."

"You mean like the song he does about going to the bathroom, whenever he really needs to go the bathroom?" Skylar asked in between fits of laugher.

"At least he isn't full of esteem," Daria said defensively before starting to go, "Full of, full of… Oh god I'm doing it again!"

She then hit herself on the forehead, that thrice damned tune was in her brain and it wasn't coming out.

Thankfully, Skylar fiddled with the dials of his radio until he found a station playing angry heavy metal, which drowned out the latest Top Ten Hit to torment the world.

Once they pulled up at school, Daria suppressed the bile in her throat at the sight of LHS and steeled herself again for another day of High School.

"I wonder what madness will be unleashed on us today?" Skylar mused to his muse who managed a small grin at that.

"Hopefully the kind that lets you sleep through class," Daria replied sweetly, "Cus after what happened at O'Neill's coffee shop, I could use the shut eye."

Skylar smiled at that and would have responded, but he glanced at the radio clock and realized he'd have to skedaddle to make it to class on time.

"Sorry Lady D," he said while rushing to grab their bags, "We've gotta move."

"Oh crap!" Daria said while slinging her teddy bear backpack over her shoulder while moving as fast as she could.

They made it to their respective classes, but barely.

* * *

Quinn sat in her Math class with her friends, comfortably in the back of the class of course, and while leafing through the latest issue of Val Magazine idly wondered aloud about the 'big surprise' that popular wannabe Brooke Crest had in store.

"I mean, she's been dropping hints for _weeks_ and unless it had better be, you know, big or else it's just wasted anticipation." Quinn said while eyeing the images of beautiful skinny models in expensive clothes, wondering what would look good on _her._

"Oh Quinn," Sandi said next to her, "Brooke is just desperate for attention, I'm sure that what it is, is like, something silly like a makeover that she won't be able to maintain. It always is."

"Riiiight." Tiffany drawled next to them in sycophantic agreement.

"But Sandi," Stacy replied happily, "She's been really excited about it so…" Sandi then gave Stacy a deathglare and she squeaked, "Eeep!" and stopped talking.

Quinn kept her focus on the magazine on her desk, but for some reason she felt concerned over how Sandi was treating Stacy.

"Well it's not like it's like, you know, different from any other day." Quinn thought to herself while reading an article about how whiteheads would ruin your social life for, like EVER!

But she couldn't help but think about the situation this time, she had been thinking a lot since the incident at the Mall of the Millennium.

Well the thinking was _relatively _a lot for her anyways, for most people it amounted to the same power as a brainfart.

But it was thinking none the less.

* * *

Daria glanced first at Jane, and then at Scarlett for confirmation on what she had just heard, and the looks her friends gave her said it all.

Yes, O'Neill had just asked _Brittany _what she thought about Thoreau's _Walden._

He got the answer he deserved.

"He wasn't on Walden Pond because he hated the world." She said with a twirl of her hair, "He was just mad at Jane Fonda. You know, he was her father in real life, too."

"Aww," Jane breathed as she watched the English teacher's reaction, "He's about to cry and we're only a few minutes into class."

And sure enough, O'Neill had that 'I'm about to cry' look on his face that he always had when he was about to sob.

What happened next left a mixture of relief and revulsion in everyone's stomachs.

Their Principal, Ms. Li got on the intercom and said the following.

"Attention students of Laaaaawndallllle Hiiiighhhh! This is the Principal with some exciting news. A team of talent scouts from Amazon Models will be here this week as part of their national talent search, and the most promising Lawndale High student will receive a professional modeling contract."

"They got my letter!" Brittany chipred unhelpfully in the background.

"And in a completely unrelated note, new bullet-proof skylights will be installed for the school's swimming pool, the metal shutters will be removed within a week, that is all!"

A brief period of quiet began to fill the room, until Mr. O'Neill chose to fill it with his usual drippy psychobabble.

"Isn't this great?!" He asked with a happy grin replacing his previous sorrow, "They must have learned about how good looking you all are."

Daria sighed breathily and spoke up, "Oh excuse me Mr. O'Neill?"

"Uh…." Was his response, since the poor guy couldn't even look at Daria without being reduced to a quivering mass of incompetent desires.

"Isn't modeling a shallow sort of career to pursue?"

O'Neill tried to respond, but one fateful glance at Daria's cherry tattoos forced him to bite his lip to suppress a moan.

"Yeah," Jane commented from the side, "It's all about your looks and youth which are declared dead by 25."

Scarlett then added from the other side, "And you wind up squandering your life and health in the pursuit of an impossible to meet standard of beauty."

Daria grinned and then added, "I guess if anyone wants to get into the spirit of modeling had better be prepared to do some ugly things, like puke up breakfast."

The rest of the class listened to their running commentary, not sure how to respond until Brittany latched on to the only word she understood, 'puke' and went, "EWWWW!"

The rest of class was much duller after that since it shocked O'Neill out of his unhealthy lust and forced him to resume teaching, and thank his lucky stars that he had adopted the habit of wearing double underwear to hide the mess.

Ewww indeed.

* * *

After class, Daria got Jane's attention and they both grinned as Scarlett pulled out of their orbit and headed off towards Ronnie.

"They do make a cute couple." Jane said in a voice that oozed comic sweetness.

"Yeah they do," Daria said with sincerity, "And I think he made a good impression at the Café when the idiots rioted."

"True," Jane replied, "How often do you get a knight in shining armor that will hustle you into a corner and stand in front of you to make sure you're ok?"

"Not often enough." Daria replied as she spotted the Three J's heading their way with their newest friend along for the ride.

"Hi Jeffy, Joey, Jamie," Daria replied thankful that all three J's were present so she didn't have to guess who was who, "And of course Charlie."

Charles Ruttheimer III still grinned with pleasure at the nickname that Daria had given him and wished he could purr like a kitten at it.

Instead he said hello and beamed a big smile and says, "And might I say that you ladies look especially radiant today."

"Oh Charlie," Daria replied breathily, "You do say the sweetest things."

Jane in the meanwhile was just enjoying the banter a bit, normally she got to see guys turn into puddles of goo at so much as a glance from Daria, but 'Charlie' always found a way to hold his own with her.

"I have to admit that the creepy bastard is cleaning up his act." Jane thought to herself, very deep down just in case the bastard could read minds.

While Daria turned her attention to the J's, Jane thought over the oddball friendship that had bloomed between Charles and the J's.

"Well I guess they were impressed with him at the party," Jane reminded herself, "Sadly it snowballed from there."

While watching things from an emotional distance, Jane noticed things she hadn't really paid much attention to before, mainly because she did her best to avoid dealing with Upchuck at all costs.

"Well he's now doing the WASPy look, got a better haircut, and… Is he working out?" Jane had to ask herself the last since she thought she saw some muscle on Charles's normally very rail thin frame.

"Nah, can't be." Jane thought dismissively.

However the banter came to an end due to a need to get to class, and Daria departed with Jane with a wink at the guys and a friendly goodbye.

While the J's stared vacantly at Daria's Alice in Wonderland tattoo, Charles Ruttheimer III went over some of the things he had heard about Daria and Skylar and felt some comfort in the fact that their relationship was unlikely to last real long.

"But it is doing the kid some good," Charles thought to himself even while the J's came back to their senses and he began chatting football with them, "So why not let Skylar have some fun?"

"I'll be the one to win her over in the end." Charles thought even while using his new found knowledge of Pigskins to chat with his new buds.

It felt nice to have friends to just pal around with, even if they weren't up to his intellectual level, each of the J's were cool dudes at heart, and they were becoming precious to him.

It was good to belong.

* * *

"My hero," Scarlett said sweetly to Ronnie once she had gotten his attention, "have you slain a dragon in this maiden's honor?"

"Nope," He replied with an ironic grin, "But I did bring extra snack cakes."

He then held up the confectionary treats and handed a very grateful Scarlett a couple, which she quickly scarfed down.

"Thanks," she replied once she didn't have a mouthful of food, "I didn't get breakfast this morning."

"No problem Scarlett," Ronnie said in turn even while getting his books out, "So the hero is now curious, did his valiant acts secure a second date with the fair maiden?"

Scarlett giggled at this and said, "Sure, on the condition that we don't wind up in the middle of a riot."

"As you wish." Ronnie said feeding into their cheesy banter before they both busted out laughing at themselves.

"Ok ok that was a little much," Ronnie admitted once he composed himself, "So where do you want to go?"

"Um…"

Ronnie then realized that Scarlett hadn't been in Lawndale all that long, plus she didn't have much dating experience.

"She probably doesn't have a clue where to go, let alone have any idea how to go about this." Ronnie reminded himself before making a suggestion for her.

He suggested Cindy's Steakhouse.

"Cool," Scarlett answered, "I haven't been to a steak place in ages."

"Sweet," Ronnie replied with visible relief that she didn't want that French place, "So I pick you up at around 8?"

"Sure!"

* * *

After their math class, Daria, Jane, and Scarlett walked the halls of Lawndale with their usual courtiers present, plus the boyfriends Skylar and Ronnie next to their girls.

Jane was the odd one out without a significant other at her side.

However there was something unusual in the works.

There was a secondary crowd of 'popular' girls and they were all gossiping at once about something, or someone in the center of the storm.

They parted like a bitchy Red Sea when Daria approached, to reveal an interesting sight.

"Is that you Brooke?" Daria asked sweetly of the newly restyled brown-haired girl.

"Yes!" Brooke answered with joy, "So what do you think of the new me?"

The normally cute Brooke had changed more than just her clothes, which now resembled an homage to Daria's usual outfit, her nose seemed different than usual.

It only took a few seconds for Daria to guess the right answer.

"You got plastic surgery right?"

"Yes!" Brooke squealed in delight at acknowledgment from even the most popular of the popular at Lawndale.

"She's now moved from 'Cute' to 'Supercute'." the bitchy voice of Sandi Griffin echoed from nearby as she approached with her Fashion Club goons, "I have to say Brooke that if you keep it up, you will be 'in' the Club in no time."

"Really?!" Brooke breathed in pure bliss, her biggest dreams were coming true right before her very eyes.

Daria suppressed a sigh at the pathetic display before her, Brooke had been perfectly fine and it was sad to see a girl throw herself under the knife just to get some compliments from a complete sow like Sandi.

"Oh Brooke," Daria interjected, "Why bother with those girls at this point? They're all washed up, you'd be much better off with a circle of real friends."

"Really?" Brooke said, now hoping that Daria meant herself and her friends, granted Jane and Scarlett were a little weird, but Brooke had wondered if that was just to make Daria look even better by comparison.

"Think about it." Daria said kindly before walking away with her usual strut, deciding to avoid a verbal war with Sandi, and knowing full well that she had planted a seed or two.

Whether or not they would take remained to be seen.

* * *

"Oh don't listen to that skank," Sandi said once Daria and her Court were out of earshot, "She's just jealous of your new look Brooke."

"Really you think so?" Brooke asked, but this time she was faking her enthusiasm.

"Oh yes," Sandi replied with false sweetness, "You'll get a spot in the Fashion Club, all you need is some more improvements to your look."

She then rattled off a list of things Brooke should consider having altered, and Sandi meant more than just hair, makeup, and clothing.

"In fact," Sandi said once she was done critiquing Brooke, "I have a feeling that plenty of girls at Lawndale will be getting some work done soon, not that I think anyone in the Fashion Club needs it."

"Of course Sandi."

"Totally."

"Umhumm." Tiffany sounded in sycophantic obedience.

Brooke took all of this in, already wanting to get to a mirror to check things out, feeling fear about imperfections she didn't realize she had.

"My god I'm so ugly!" She thought to herself, planning to find a way to talk to Daria, a super smart and super popular girl would _have _to have a better grasp of what she would need to get done next.

"After all Dr. Shar is a miracle worker," Brooke thought to herself happily, "I mean just once tweak for my nose and I'm now more popular than ever."

"It can only get better and better."

* * *

"And what was wrong with Brooke's nose in the first place?" Helen asked her youngest daughter Quinn at the dinner table.

"This is an unusual amount of attention from Mom," Daria noted with no small amount of curiosity, "I'll bet she picked up on the words 'plastic surgery' and will find a way to make it all about her."

Daria picked at her fruit salad while Quinn went on a rant about how Brooke's nose had weird 'extra' bones in it, Daria couldn't resist a snicker.

"What's so funny?" Helen asked with a small snap in her tone.

"Oh it's just amusing to see Quinn judge people based on their bones rather than their fat cells like she normally does, you should hear the things she says about the 'overweight' girls."

"What things?" Helen asked in a dangerous tone and, to Quinn, an even more dangerous amount of interest in the subject.

To divert her, Quinn blurted out the first thing she could think of, "And so I was thinking that if I got some work done, you know to make myself even cuter for the Modeling Agency."

"Modeling Agency?!" Jake randomly roared, "No daughter of mine is going to whore herself on some stripper pole like the girls at Jiggle City!"

There was a brief awkward pause before Daria threw out, "And how do you know the name of Lawndale's biggest strip club?"

Jake then stuttered for several minutes before burying his face back into his food to hide his shame.

Then the doorbell rang.

"Hmm…" Daria mused as she got up and thought aloud, "If that's Skylar he's awful early."

But when she answered the door as an excuse to get away from her family, the person on the other end was the last one she expected to meet at her house.

"Brooke?"

* * *

"And that's all of it." Brooke said after reciting a massive list of things that Sandi told her would need to be 'corrected' in order for her to join the Fashion Club.

"Uh Brooke honey," Daria said gently as the pair of them sat on the Morgendorffer's couch while the rest of her family sat in the other room, pretending to eat and 'secretly' spying, "Isn't all of this a little… much?"

"Uh." Was all Brooke could come up with, she hadn't quite gotten her breath yet since her new nostrils weren't giving her the right amount of air.

"Brooke," Daria continued, "Think this through, the amount of surgery here would take countless hours, and ignoring all the risks associated with everything on that list, don't you realize how _freaking expensive _it will be?!"

The girl in question then took a moment to think that last part through and said, "Well it was kinda hard to talk Mummy and Daddy into paying for the rhinoplasty… But Dr. Shar cut a deal the last time…"

"DR. SHAR?!" Helen Morgendorffer roared from the kitchen in a mixture of shock, outrage, and to Daria's surprise a trace of fear.

"YOUR PARENTS LET YOU GO TO THAT BUTCHER?!"

Brooke looked at the advancing figure of Helen Morgendorffer with pure unalloyed terror, forcing Daria to grab her and say, "It's ok, she's not mad at you dear."

All the while Daria got the suspicion that her mother already new the doctor for reasons that had nothing to do with plastic surgery.

This was confirmed when Helen squeezed the number for the Crests out of Brooke and then called them and one of the first things out of her mouth was.

"Don't you realize how many times that woman's been sued for malpractice?!"

Then the most disturbing thing of all was uttered.

"We need to get your daughter evaluated, right now, no I'm not kidding Mr. Crest, the last three lawsuits that my firm dealt with involving Dr. Shar involved botched nose jobs!"

Brooke went stark white and then passed out on the couch, just in time for Quinn to gather up enough courage to come into the living room.

"Uh Daria?" she asked nervously, even while their mother continued to talk to what they presumed was Brooke's dad, "Shouldn't we, you know, do something?"

"I… I'm not sure what we can do." Daria replied helplessly, this situation had completely thrown her a bit.

Then Daria thought of something they could do.

"Quinn honey," Daria said nicely to her sister, "Get a towel wet and bring it here, we'll try to make Brooke feel better before…"

Daria trailed off, not sure what else to say.

"Ok." Was Quinn's reply and she walked out of the living room just as Helen wrapped up the conversation and gave the Crests the address for the Morgendorffer residence.

As Quinn held a nice, fluffy white towel under the running water she realized something.

"Wow," she said to herself with happiness, "Me and Daria talked and it didn't end in fighting."

It was a nice change of pace.

* * *

"And so the Crests left with Brooke," Daria said to Skylar as he drove away from the Morgendorffers, "With Mom in tow with legal papers and hopefully the hospital will give Brooke a clean bill of health."

"Eck!" Skylar Feldman said with a shudder, "Makes me glad that when my little sister wanted to go to Shar the parental units put their foot down."

Daria snickered at that, "Same here for Quinn."

Skylar then glanced at Daria and asked how she was holding up after all of that.

"Ok I guess," she replied while leaning her forehead against the window, "I can't wait to get to Jane's and blow off some steam."

Then Daria turned back to look at Skylar and added, "Please don't spread around everything I told you, kay?"

"Of course Lady D," Skylar replied with a wry grin, "I won't talk, but word will spread anyways."

"Why?" Daria began to ask before the answer hit her, "Oh wait scratch that, we go to school with idiots who do nothing but gossip."

"Exactly." Skylar replied with a laugh just as he pulled up in front of the Lane's slightly dilapidated house and wondered once more why Daria hung around weirdoes like this.

He was about to find out.

* * *

Quinn Morgendorffer finished telling Stacy all about the drama that had happened with Brooke that night and glanced at the mirror once more.

Her nose did seem a little… boney.

"Well I can't go to that Shar woman if she's, you know, a butcher." Quinn reminded herself and did her best to think of a solution to her woes.

Quinn turned away from her looking glass for a minute since the image of her boney nose was, like, a bummer, and she began to attempt a brainstorm.

All she could come up with was the notion to get a mani-pedi sometime that week, not realizing that she might have lost sight of her original line of thought.

* * *

In the Lane's messy living room quite a few things were happening at once, Trent and Nick were playing hacky sack with an empty beer can, Jesse was teaching Ronnie some of the basics of playing rhythm guitar, while Jane and Scarlett were dancing to Backflash tunes next to the stereo system, and Max lugged in a cooler full of beers and some hard liquors.

"Whoa!" Skylar said as he took all of this in and then asked, "Are their parents out of town or something?"

Daria suppressed a laugh and just replied, "Something like that."

She then added a silent, "All the time in fact."

But then again Skylar had only met Trent at the coffee shop when he had done a guitar solo, and thankfully hadn't bothered to sing, "Too stoned." Was his claim on the matter.

Daria couldn't help but wonder at the time if he had simply forgotten his lyrics, but had let it slide.

The memory of reading to the students brought her much pleasure and she threw in a mysterious laugh and said to Skylar over the loud music, "Welcome to Casa Lane, no rents, no rules, except that you can't start fires anywhere but a fireplace."

"Any questions?" she added with a grin as Skylar shook himself back to reality.

"Wanna dance?"

"_Yes!"_

* * *

Skylar and Daria cut a mean rug to two or three Backflash songs before they both went off to the cooler for a drink, Skylar cracked open a couple of beers, which Daria took without thinking.

"I'm normally not a big drinker," she told himself sweetly, "But then again, it doesn't mean that I don't do it."

She then took a swig of the cheap beer, and then wished that Max had thought to bring better beer to the party.

Skylar snickered at the look on Daria's face and asked, "Yeah, Blackdog is the beer of desperation, or for alcoholics."

Daria glanced at the members of Mystik Sprial and said, "The first, but if you tell anyone I said that I will deny it, and then ensure horrible things happen to you."

"Yes Ma'am." Skylar answered before proving himself right by drinking some of the beer.

Cheers could be heard as the front door opened, and lo and behold the party was joined by some more people, only some of whom Daria recognized.

"Words spreads I guess." Daria quipped to herself.

She was telling the truth, since their arrival, Casa Lane had seen the arrival of Trent's girlfriend Monique and her band mates from a group called the Harpies, an all-girl rock group, followed by oddly enough Devan 'Shaggy' Howard who had an uncanny knack of being able to go wherever he wanted without being questioned on it.

The new comers were some more of Trent's friends, and some Lawndale kids that apparently hung around the Zon a lot, Bob the Punk, Jennifer 'Burnout' Burns, Angel, and to top it off, the girl that everyone had expected to become Daria's main enemy.

Jackie Wentworth, a.k.a. 'Slutty Girl'.

Jackie made a beeline for the cooler, which is where Daria and Skylar were near, so the vampy and slightly trashy looking blond smiled at them both and said, "Hello Daria, Skylar, what's up?"

"Not much Jackie," Daria replied sweetly, "Just here to party hearty."

Jackie grinned even larger at that and said, "I like that turn of phrase darling."

She then grabbed a coke and a mini bottle of jack out of the cooler and asked if they had plastic cups.

"Check the kitchen." Daria said, hoping that Max had thought of that and once Jackie went her merry way finished off the nasty beer in her hands just in time for the music to change to Steel Chimera.

Skylar grinned and asked if Daria wanted to dance again.

"Why not?" Daria said before letting Skylar pull her back to the big space in the living room that was now the impromptu dance floor.

The party had just begun…

* * *

Somehow the little shindig with 'just friends' had grown quite a bit, or that's how Jane Lane saw it, but was at least thankful that most of the new arrivals brought more booze and food to keep everyone else from getting angry.

Jane spotted Ronnie and Scarlett making out in a corner and gave her friend a thumbs up, but Scarlett was too busy to see it.

She then laughed to see Slutty Girl on top of a very embarrassed and blushing Robert and was clearly wanting him because he was there.

"But I don't see him stopping her." Jane snarked to herself as the big lug simply put an arm underneath Jackie as she wrapped her arms around his beefy neck and carried her upstairs.

The J's had arrived at some point and the blond one and the black haired one had gotten a couple girls to join them on the dance floor, i.e. the space on her living room floor.

Daria was there as well, having a good time with Skylar who had proven to be something of a surprise for Jane.

"You know I have to admit that Daria's been good for him." Jane said quietly to herself as she found a nice quiet corner to observe everything, "He hasn't been quite the smarmy dude he used to be."

"Now that's the truth." A familiar voice said as he came within range, and yet the person was something of a stranger to Jane.

"Hi Charles." She said simply.

He smiled and replied, "I think that's the first time you didn't call me Upchuck."

Jane shrugged and said, "Not sure about that, but you've been improving, and more than just the hair and the clothes."

Charles Ruttheimer III shrugged in his WASPy polo shirt and replied, "Maybe it was time to grow up a little."

It was Jane's turn to smile and added, "It's been more than just a little… Charlie."

Charles smiled when she used Daria's nickname for him and he replied with, "I've seen some of your paintings around the house and… I want to see more of your work."

"Most of it's in my room," Jane replied a bit nervously, "I… I'll show it to you as long as you promise not to try anything, or else your out the door and you won't be welcomed back… ever."

"Deal." Charles replied firmly and then shook on it with her, while hoping that no one had gotten into her room for reasons that had nothing to do with art.

* * *

The party suffered a major hiccup when some unknown prankster put in the latest Fetal Metal CD and the good vibes of the party had to endure the guttural roars of…

"AND WE'RE ALL FULL OF, FULL OF, FULL OF, FULL OF…"

Screams of terror at the insipid, terrible, and yet contagious tune erupted until they party-goers were saved by the heroics of one Jeffy Mercer who got to the stereo first, ripped the CD out, threw it on the floor and put in a random CD.

"CHANGE THE PITCH UP! SMACK MY BITCH UP!"

Once Prodigy's biggest hit filled Casa Lane, everyone's ear drums rested easier, and Burnout rewarded Jeffy with one of her spliffs and a make out session, both of which rendered him legally stoned for an entire week.

* * *

After some more dancing, and a couple of beers, Skylar and Daria found themselves kissing passionately while trying to make it up the Lane's staircase at the same time, it was a tad uncoordinated but they managed to make it without major mishaps.

Even in her inebriated state, Daria had enough sense of direction at Jane's house to know which rooms to avoid, and which were readily available.

She picked a random room for one of the older Lane kids (Wind Lane) and opened it and they were both thankful that no one was using it.

Before they realized it, they were laying on the bed making out hardcore.

Skylar pulled away after a few minutes and stuttered, "Stop…Stop for a minute."

"What's wrong?" Daria asked very breathily, with her chest heaving up against Skylar's somehow bare one.

"It's just…" Skylar turned beet red as an admission emerged from him, "I've never done what I think… we're about to do."

Daria guessed what he was saying and just smiled and replied, "It's ok Skylar, everyone starts out as a virgin."

She then pulled in closer and kissed him again before pulling back and asked the awkward and yet important question.

"I've got one." Skylar replied while fumbling in his jeans' pocket and pulling out first his wallet and then a certain small plastic package.

"Better safe than sorry right?" he replied and Daria rewarded him with a slow kiss while they both really began to grind their bodies against one another.

Then she whispered, "Exactly."

After that, neither one of them needed much in the way of words, and while they did their best to keep the noise down, some of the moans reached impressive decibels, but the music downstairs and the various activities of the others took care of that…

* * *

"Coffee…" Daria moaned in delight as her nostrils inhaled the heavenly scent before her pretty mouth sucked down the nectar of the gods.

"Glad you like it." Skylar replied with an exhausted smile while he pulled out of the Lane's driveway, with two additional passengers in the back in the form of Scarlett and Ronnie.

Once Daria had had her fill of the morning joe she looked at him and asked, "Thanks for the coffee run to Coffee Joe."

"No problem," Skylar replied nicely, "Besides I think we all need a pick me up and there wasn't any food in there for some reason."

Daria snickered at that, "Well the Lanes don't like to clutter up their kitchen with food."

It was Skylar's turn to laugh, but then his head throbbed which forced him to stop for a while.

Daria turned her blurry gaze to the back and heard Scarlett say, "You still owe me Cindy's Steakhouse bub."

"I know Scarlett," Ronnie answered while rubbing his head, "We'll do it when our heads aren't being used for invisible hammering by the demons."

Scarlett wanted to laugh at that, but her head hurt too much so she threw out an, "Ok." And then curled herself up in the back seat a bit more and drifted back asleep.

"Schools gonna suck," Daria thought with her head pounding, the Tylenol hadn't kicked in yet, "At least I left the rents a note about staying at Jane's for the night."

Daria had taped it to the fridge where her parents were bound to look sooner or later, the old Morgendorffer standby for familial communication.

It was easier than actually _talking _to each other.

* * *

"How you guys holding up?" Jane Lane managed to ask very weakly to the two people in the back of Charles Ruttheimer's car.

"I'm ok ma'am." Robert answered, annoyingly awake and perfectly fine to Jane.

"I threw up all the booze last night so I'm good." Jackie replied and giving everyone a TMI moment.

Then Robert made it worse by adding, "I held her hair for her ma'am."

Jane shuddered and put her hands over her ears, praying to god that the topic would stop before it got worse.

Then she heard Jackie answer, "And it was _sooo_ sweet of you my Navajo Stallion…"

"Thank you ma'am…" Robert began before he was cut off by Jackie suddenly jumping him and thrusting her tongue into his mouth.

Charles noticed this in the rearview mirror and said to Jane, "Kids…"

Jane found her amused at that and added, "Yeah, kids."

"I just hope that she brushed her teeth." Charles added in turn, which caused them both to shudder once the concept sank in.

And at that, Charles turned on the radio and thanked God that it was a good station that he fell on the first time.

During this, Jane took the opportunity to not be noticed to give him a small, unseen, smile.

Her thoughts turned to the events of the night before, while the rest of the party had descended to an animal-like state of making out, drinking, fucking, or some combination of the three, Jane had shown Charles a sampling of her latest works.

"And the kid actually had some helpful criticism as well." Her inner voice whispered to her.

After that she had felt comfortable enough to offer him a sleeping bag in her room while she took the bed, since her room was the only one in the house that had a working lock.

Then when her alarm clock failed to go off, Charles had proven to be an early riser and had gotten her up and never once leered or said anything Upchuckish.

"He's growing up fast Mrs. Lane." Jane thought to herself, "And growing up to be pretty damn good."

That last bit caused absolutely everything in the fiber of her being to suddenly freeze.

Upchuck… looked good?!

"Please tell me the world's coming to an end." Jane whispered to herself while looking out the window for fireballs and falling stars in the sky.

Instead all she saw was Lawndale High, an apocalypse of a different sort.

* * *

It only took everyone who had arrived at Lawndale from Jane's house a few minutes to learn that word of the party had leaked.

That's because all the guys cheered at the first sight of Skylar Feldman with Daria on his arm and all the girls gave her even bigger death glares than normal.

"How did they…?" Skylar began to ask out loud.

"Someone blabbed." Daria answered for him flatly, even with it being a 'just friends' event there had simply been too many people who knew people who knew people who _lived _to talk about other people's business.

During the walk to their lockers, Daria and Skylar separately heard most of the rumors from the party, granted the whole event had been inflated into a gigantic orgy worthy of Caligula, some of the details were uncannily accurate.

"But there's no way that Jane would have slept with Charles." Skylar thought dismissively when he heard _that one. _"Improved or not the kid still comes off as slime to most girls."

Daria laughed when she overheard a couple bitchy Freshman girls talk very loudly about 'the party where the guys went to nail sluts who don't' respect themselves'.

"I didn't think that you two were smart enough to charge." Daria said to them with a smile that said butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

They shut up and walked away after that, knowing a losing battle when they saw one.

* * *

A very loud, "WHAT?!" could be heard echoing across the halls of Lawndale High.

"I guess Jane heard the rumors." Daria said to herself with a weary sigh before grabbing her books and heading on over at warpspeed to Jane's locker to either help her, or prevent her from killing someone.

Whichever one was required.

* * *

"I can't believe that she bailed on us and had a damn sex party." Quinn thought to herself while slamming things into her locker and grabbing others, not paying attention to what she was grabbing and would wind up having to leave class to go get the right books later.

At the first words out of Tori's mouth about what Daria had been up to the night before after her parents had left with the Crests to the hospital, Quinn had seen red.

She had then burst into a fit of swearing that would have been illegal in most Arabic countries if she had been able to turn it into anything coherent.

Quinn had remembered feeling just a tiny bit closer to her sister that night, and even letting mom and dad know where the note was the next morning and defending Daria by saying she wanted to be with friends.

"Some fucking friends!" Quinn snarled and then found herself giggling at her words, since they _had _been fucking.

"Oh Quinn!" Sandi's familiar bitchy voice emerged from behind her, "What's funny?"

"Oh nothing Sandi… Whoa!" Quinn began while turning around and then was shocked by what she saw.

"I'm glad you noticed Quinn," Sandi replied beaming with pride along with Tiffany and Stacy right behind her.

"Did you two get nose jobs?" Quinn asked with her eyes wide with shock.

"Yes… We… Did." Tiffany drawled on Sandi's behalf and her own, both of them had medical tape on their noses.

Stacy maintained a brave face for her two friends, but when they weren't looking gave Quinn a look of worry.

"Who did you go to?" Quinn asked weakly, dreading the answer.

"Why, Dr. Shar of course," Sandi replied snootily, "She is, like, the one to go to, I mean did you see Brooke's nose? It was supercute."

"Yeah…" Quinn managed to say and kept the terror out of her tone, "Supercute."

Sandi gave a dark smile, pleased that Quinn was completely thrown by this and without a nosejob as well.

"Well we have to get to class," Sandi said with a shake of her fabulous hair, "We have to set an example with our new looks, since the Modeling Agency is going to be in our school today."

She then added a darkly said, "Not that your nose is terrible or anything."

"No way." Tiffany added unhelpfully.

At that, Quinn's concern vanished and was replaced with a sense of anticipation, "Of course not Sandi, I mean if you two needed to, you know, tweak your looks then more power to you."

Sandi smiled at that, "Well if you do need to tweak things, just go to Shar." And then she led the other members of the Fashion Club away.

Quinn stood at her locker and only debated what to do for five seconds.

"Meh, if they're noses fall apart, they fall apart."

She then walked away.

* * *

Scarlett sighed once Ronnie told her what he had heard, amidst the talk about 'the Laneorgy' as everyone was now calling it.

"So Li is actually doing it, she's letting the Modeling scouts into the school." Scarlett replied flatly.

"Yeah," Ronnie said in a tired drawl, "I wonder who will be let in next, the drug dealers? I mean no sense in making them wait out the parking lot if they'll pay the school a fee, right?"

Scarlett smiled darkly at that, "Yeah, and why stop at models? I'm sure there are plenty of recruiters for Jiggle City that are dying to get their hands on fresh young girls."

Ronnie then asked the dumb question of, "How do you know about Jiggle City?"

"How do you?" Scarlett fired back, wearing the mask of the suddenly suspicious girlfriend.

Ronnie stammered and sputtered for a minute before Scarlett busted out laughing so hard she was holding her stomach.

"Gotcha!"

Ronnie White then stood still like a mesmerized deer before he then joined her, in fact he laughed hard enough that he felt his eyes water up.

Once she had Jane calmed down, Daria heard what one of the other nameless freshman girls was saying and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh crap!" Daria said flatly, "I forgot about the Amazon Modeling Agency."

"Is that bad?" Jane asked with her thoughts still in righteous indignation mode.

"Jane, look carefully at me," Daria said very flatly and very unlike her normal breathy voice at all, "I am a waifish young girl in sexy clothes, I've dealt with scam artists like this before and it's always a pain in the ass."

"Not to mention you're hung over and have the air of a girl who's had a night of passion and is ready for more." Jane added with some of her old snark back.

"There's no way for me to avoid being involved in whatever comes next is there?" Daria asked herself, dreading the answer.

Jane helpfully supplied it for her.

"Nope."

* * *

Things started going downhill even _before _the scouts from the 'Amazon Modeling Agency' arrived in faux fashionable glory.

"Then again they did stop O'Neill's latest crying fit." Daria conceded, letting them have a single brownie point.

They used it up in the first three seconds.

"Oh you must be from the Modeling Agency!" Mr. O'Neill squeaked happily, flipping from near misery to joy that the good looks of his youngsters were about to be validated.

"I would hope so," said the campiest man Daria had met outside of a convention of Drag Queens, "I mean we _are _a little long in the tooth to be in high school."

"Speak for yourself grandpa-pa!" the woman replied with the fakest French accent Daria had ever heard in her life.

Their laughter was even worse than hearing O'Neill talk.

"And that's saying something." Daria thought to herself as the disaster waiting to happen began to unleash itself.

The pair introduced themselves as Romonica and Claude, then spent a few minutes buttering up Mr. O'Neill, telling him that if he got a new pink shirt just a few shades brighter it would really light up the room.

"Really, you think so?" O'Neill replied at his happiest octaves yet.

"Of course dah-ling!" Romonica teased in that voice that Daria now loathed, "Show off all your assets, and I mean _all _your assets."

"I want them to die." Andrea said from behind Jane, and when Scarlett and Daria turned to look at her, the death gaze that she was giving the two fashion victims should have been enough to send them into early graves.

But before they could build on those words, Brittany squeaked happily about wanting to be a model and opened up a trench coat to reveal a very sexy strapless pink ballroom gown.

She then did some poses for Claude and Romonica, while they made shapes to indicate her hips and breasts behind her back, then Daria audibly gritted her teeth when Romonica shook her head firmly with a 'No'.

Out loud however she congratulated Brittany and fed her some false hope.

Then to the horror of Daria and her friends, Romonica turned her attention to Scarlett and began to try to lure her in with some lines about the 'glamorous world of modeling.'

Jane held up a sketch in front of them, depicting them both as roadkill on a highway being eaten by vultures.

It proved to be an apt metaphor since they moved on to the _real _target they had spotted in the room.

"Oh you're so slender and pouty," Claude said in admiration of Daria Morgendorffer while Romonica's eyes danced with thoughts of how much money she could make off this girl, "And even those glasses are cute, but could you take them off please?"

"Oh ducky," Daria replied very sweetly before her voice turned to ice, "I need them to see scam artists."

The deafening silence that seized the room was broken by Andrea clapping, slowly and yet firmly for a very long time.

* * *

"Math sucks," Skylar spouted in frustration before throwing his pencil down and leaning back in the couch to relax for a minute.

Daria suppressed a sigh and glanced at his work to check it, "Actually you were pretty close on this problem… Let me fix it."

She then corrected the problem and after shaking the paper Skylar very reluctantly leaned back in and redid the problem.

"Hey!" he exclaimed once he was finished, "I got it right!"

"Yes you did," Daria replied with a winning smile, "You just got a couple of the numbers wrong was all."

One of the drawbacks of dating Skylar was that while, for a popular guy, his grades were decent, he was as bad at math as Jane was.

So when Daria and Skylar began to do 'study dates' it usual turned into math tutoring for Skylar.

"Which is why we save it for last," Daria reminded herself as they moved on to the next problem, "So we can get everything else out of the way in the first ten minutes."

She glanced up at the muted TV in the Morgendorffer living room, glad that Sick Sad World was just repeating the old one about the Models who sold Encyclopedias for the stupid.

"I'd have to hurt someone if I missed a new episode," Daria thought to herself before glancing at her parents and sister eating dinner, "Or hurt them, either one is fine."

Skylar looked at Daria for a minute and asked if she wanted a soda.

Then the phone rang.

She held up a finger and said, "Shush."

Granted they could only listen in to the half of the conversation happening on the Morgendorffer's end of the line.

But it didn't sound good.

Once her mother had hung up the phone she called out for Daria, who motioned for Skylar to follow her.

So she went into the kitchen with a male shadow to find out what exactly this was about.

"But since I heard the name 'Romonica' I think I have a good guess." Daria thought to herself with irritation.

She hated dealing with scam artists like this, it always took a lot of hard work to get out of their claws.

"Girls?" Helen asked of both her daughters, "What's this about a modeling agency at school?"

"Mo-om!" Quinn whined, "I already told you about that!"

She then recited the gossip she had already prattled on about, but Helen and Jake were accustomed to tuning it all out, but this time Helen at least paid attention.

"Hmm… They sound like predators, preying on your youth and beauty." She said with trepidation, but Daria could see dollar signs in her mother's pupils and knew which way she'd lean.

"You do realize Ms. Li is letting them run this 'complementary class' in exchange for cash to pay for more security garbage, right?" Daria interjected, hoping to derail her mother with something that resembled ethics.

"Well sometimes in life you have to take the bad with the good…" Helen mused, and Daria leaned in towards Skylar who put an arm around her for support, even though he wasn't sure what was wrong.

"I mean if either one of you landed that contract it could pay for both of your colleges." Helen said almost to herself.

Then Quinn gasped in surprised when she realized that _Daria _had been invited to take the stage as well.

For her part, Daria just raised an eyebrow at that but said nothing, "If Quinn let herself forget how many other 'talent scouts' have been after me then that's her problem." Was Daria's thought on the matter.

Helen debated herself for another couple of minutes, and ignored Daria's acidic barbs and Quinn's random babble.

With the threat of music camp hinted at, Daria was forced to concede the argument.

"Oh by the way I'll be getting ready for the class right now." Daria replied as she walked out with Skylar in tow.

"Excellent Daria!" Helen replied, glad that her trampy daughter was at least trying to get into the spirit of things.

"I'll be puking up my dinner in the bathroom, so if the toilet clogs up just call a plummer." Daria called back before she got out of hearing range.

* * *

In the comfort and security of her padded room, Daria and Skylar had found safe harbor with their school stuff, but with the door closed and lock and the parents and Quinn distracted downstairs, since Jake had picked up on what was being talked about and freaked out about his 'good daughter' becoming a 'whore', they might as well been alone.

"So why didn't you redecorate?" Skylar asked out of curiosity since this was his first time in Daria's room.

"Lots of reasons," Daria replied plainly, "One of them is that the padding absorbs sound…"

Even Skylar could pick up on that one.

"Awesome…" he breathed gleefully.

Daria checked his homework and said, "Well you got it all the problems right Sky."

Skylar did a double take and checked his work against Daria's and realized she was right.

He had gotten all the problems right, with Daria's help of course.

"Freaking sweet!" he said with a big grin.

"I know…" Daria replied proudly, "And by the way did you read that book I suggested?"

Skylar's grin turned quite dirty, since the book had been _The New Kama Sutra._

"Yes I did."

"Wanna… You know… Try some of it out?"

"Yes Ma'am!" Skylar replied with glee before crawling over towards Daria and began to rain kisses all across her exposed flesh.

And considering her usual outfit, there was plenty to kiss.

* * *

"Thank god for distracted parental units." Skylar thought to himself while Daria quietly opened the front door for him and he headed out of the Morgendorffer's house.

At 2 in the morning.

The only person who spotted them that night was Quinn who had thought she had heard a noise.

"This'll be helpful..." She thought very evilly before sneaking back into her room before Daria could get back up the stairs.

* * *

That morning at the breakfast table, Daria was reading a copy of Brutal Mercenary magazine and ignoring everyone else around her.

"Because the people I'm surrounded with suck." Daria thought with annoyance, then felt a sting of irritation as she glanced at the note she had found slipped through her door that morning.

"_Let me win the contract or else I'll tell Mom and Dad about you sneaking Skylar out late at night!"_

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who wrote it.

Daria was using it as a bookmark, and was now trying to come up with a plan.

Then her ears perked up when she heard the word 'Brooke' while her mother talked to her boss.

Daria put the magazine down and listened in.

"…Yes well according to the doctors they caught it in time, that butcher failed in completely restructuring the Crest girls nose so it was eventually going to suffer a 'nasal relapse'. Yes I know that isn't the medical term for it, yes Eric I know that Shar is one of our clients, yes but… But if she keeps screwing up and we _knowingly_ defend her conducing unethical and illegal treatment it will cost us all our licenses to practice law in this state Eric!"

"It's nice to know that you care mother." Daria cut through Helen's call from across the kitchen table like an ice cold knife into hot flesh.

Helen had the decency to look ashamed and was rendered speechless while Daria got up and left the room without another word.

Jake didn't notice this since he was buried in his newspaper, pretending that everything was 'A Ok!"

Quinn wanted to know what was going on but had the brain power to realize that asking a question from someone you're trying to blackmail might not be willing to give you the answer your looking for.

* * *

Before leaving the house, Daria made a phone call, and with her anonymous tip dropped, grabbed her backpack and a bag that contained a surprise and then headed for the door and Skylar who was already pulling up in front of the house.

"Skylar," Daria said sweetly as she got in his car, "I'll need you to do me a small favor during the modeling class."

"Sure," he replied as he drove away from the Morgendorffer residence, "What is it?"

"I'll need you to make a phone call to Ms. Li when the time is right?"

"What?" Skylar asked in confusion, he hadn't gotten much sleep and was now running on a combo of energy drinks and sodas.

Daria took note of that and pulled out a pad of paper and a pen from her teddy bear backpack and wrote down her instructions.

"Trust me," she said sweetly and with a wicked grin to match, "This is gonna rock!"

* * *

In the school's auditorium, Jane Lane and Scarlett LeVey had already taken pride of place even before the room filled up with students looking to use this as a legitimate excuse to avoid their classes.

"Do you gals mind if I sit with you?" a breathy flirty voice asked and for a while moment they thought it was Daria.

Both girls turned to look and then went, "Oh, hey Jackie."

Jane then added, "We don't mind at all."

The stage lights came on and the two fashion victims lead their lambs to the slaughter.

Daria strode out first like she owned the join, followed by her sister Quinn, Sandi, Stacy, and a very heavy girl named Dawn Harris.

"Whoa!" Jane said in shock, "Look at what Daria's wearing."

"I know…" Scarlett breathed in equal amazement.

Daria Morgendorffer wasn't wearing her usual outfit, she was instead wearing a red leather dress, red high heels, her hair and makeup done to perfection, and a pretty gold cross dangled on her neck.

"How do you like my handy work girls?" Jackie asked the other two with a smirk and enjoyed the flabbergasted praises that came from them.

The guys in the audience certainly appreciated the fruit of Jackie's labors with catcalls that forced Claude and Romonica to call for calm.

It took a while.

"Hey…" Jane said as a memory shook in her head, "Isn't that one of the dresses that Charles got Daria at the Millennium Mall?"

"Yes it is Jane," Charles Ruttheimer said from behind them and smiling at Jane when she jumped at his voice, "I must say it does look becoming on her doesn't it…"

Jane looked behind her as Charles took a seat right behind hers and found herself saying something she never thought she'd say.

"One might almost say… feisty!" Jane said, adding a sleazy leer to the feisty.

For a brief moment Charles Ruttheimer III was at a loss for words, then he gave a big belly laugh.

"Oh god!" he wheezed, "Is that what I've sounded like?"

"Yup." Jane said with a small smile.

"Yes," Scarlett added to the confirmation.

"Yeah pretty much." Jackie added with a flirtatious wink.

Charles then laughed some more but his merriment was cut short when a loud sob erupted from nearby as Brittany Taylor joined them.

"What's wrong?" Scarlett found herself asking and then instantly regretted it when Brittany cried at a very loud squeak about not being on stage with the winners.

As the upset girl accidently called everyone around her a loser, Jackie looked at the stage where that Claude clown was doing a rant about some girl getting legs broken, no doubt the show was about to begin.

Charles in the meanwhile spotted salvation; Kevin Thompson was coming to join them, with Mack and Jodie in tow as well.

He got up and intercepted Kevin and said, "Hey Kev, your gal is upset about the whole modeling thing, maybe you should go over there and comfort her."

"Uh…" Kevin went and began to scratch his head with a football in his hands.

Mack took one look at the sobbing mess nearby and instantly guessed at what Upchuck was trying to do, so he threw his hat in the ring, "You know if can make Brittany happy right now I'm sure she'll make it worth your while…"

It took a minute but Kevin's feeble brain managed to connect the dots and came up with the right answer, for once.

"Alright!" Kevin cheered before giving Charles the football and headed right on over and put a comforting arm around his girl.

"Say Brit," Kevin said as he helped her out of the chair, "I know your upset and all but I've got a way of making you feel better…"

"At least it got them away from us." Scarlett supplied as the last of the girls did their first runway and Claude was fawning all over Quinn and Daria.

"I'm impressed that she wore it." Jodie said to her boyfriend as they took seats near Daria's Court and pointed to the stage where Daria was.

"Yeah I know…" Mack said dreamily before he realized who he was sitting next too, but Jodie forgave him for it.

Jane glanced at the happy couple out of the corner of her eye as they got as cozy as they could in public, "Jodie's so much better off now," Jane thought to herself, "Dumping the workload, telling her parents to eff off, and Mack is clearly enjoying all the attention too."

Scarlett in the meanwhile was watching the stage like a hawk, "Dawn is being used but for what I'm not sure… Stacy looks happy for the moment… Sandi is, of course glaring daggers at Daria and Quinn… and Quinn is putting on a strong face but she looks like she might blow up for some reason."

She then smiled to herself and whispered, "And there's Daria at the center of it all, lapping it up like it's her due… Maybe that's why Quinn seems angry… Jealousy."

"Jealously is never a good thing." A very familiar voice said as he sat down next to Scarlett.

"Hey Ronnie," she replied softly before he interrupted her with a PDA right on the lips, "Wow what a greeting." She said flushed with red but perfectly happy.

Ronnie just grinned at that and then they heard that Romonica say something that caused them both to look at the stage in shock.

* * *

Daria kept a coy smile on her face while she let Quinn stew and watched Sandi fume for whatever reason the little bitch had decided to be angry about this week.

"What was it that Claude wanted… innocent kittens…" Daria had to suppress a laugh as Quinn did a sweet and innocent routine for the vultures.

She then glanced out at the audience and spotted the reporter from the Lawndale Sun-Herald, doing his best to pass as a teenage in the latest teen fashions.

"The bald spot's a dead giveaway." Daria thought to herself before it was her turn to strut on stage again and play the innocent.

No mean feat either considering the dress she was in.

* * *

"Did she get my note?" Quinn thought to herself for the thousandth time as her sister once more upstaged everyone else around her, "Maybe she doesn't _know _that I'm blackmailing her…"

Romonica cut off that line of thought by saying in her extremely fake voice, "Girls your runway was superb… But now we need an ensemble performance… Might we have some male volunteers from the audience?"

There was a very sudden and very loud crashing sound as almost every single guy in the auditorium that was single (and some who weren't) tried to bum rush the stage at the same time in order to be the guy that worked with Daria.

Except for Mack, Ronnie, and oddly enough Charles who had started to get up but saw the sea of testosterone and thought better of it.

Skylar didn't join in either, instead he glanced at what Daria had written and said, "Oh I get it now!" Then got out his phone and made the call.

* * *

"I can't believe these outrageous false accusations!" Ms. Li screamed into her phone as she almost ran down the halls of her beloved Lawndale High.

She didn't know that after saying his piece, Skylar had hung up the phone, but the Tyrant of LHS was in full attack mode.

"My students are achieving their potential and I'm going to prove it too you buster!"

How she was going to do this over the phone was anyone's guess.

She continued to yell into the deadline even as she reached the doors to the auditorium, but as she burst through them she stopped dead in her tracks by the loudest whistle that anyone had ever heard outside of Coach Morris's class.

There on stage was Daria Morgendorffer, wearing a tight bright red leather dress, lowering a white whistle from her lips oh so daintily and all across the first rows was pretty much every single guy and they had clearly been fighting.

Daria just smiled at the sight, and caused quite a few hearts to skip a beat and then she spoke.

"Oh you guys don't have to fight over little old me… I'm sure that Claude and Romonica have something in mind so you can all have a turn…"

"WHAT?!" Ms. Li screamed and looked at the two completely flabbergasted agents from the Amazon Modeling Agency and her eyes narrowed.

Then one of her students seemingly turned into a reporter as he rushed up to her with a mini-mic in his hand and said, "Ms. Li would you like to give a statement to the Lawndale Sun-Herald about the nature of this 'special class'?"

Angelia Li, the Principal of Lawndale High began to stutter and managed to choke out, "No comment!"

Just in time for the action to return to the stage.

"Ohhhhhh!" Sandi moaned, "My nose feels weird…."

Everyone turned to look at Sandi as her nose seemingly began to wiggle uncontrollably for a few seconds and then completely collapsed inward.

Nearly a third of everyone that saw it threw up on sight, the others wished they had joined them in giving a Technicolor yawn.

* * *

"Um babe…" Kevin managed to say in between gasps of air during a very hot make out session in the janitor's closet, "I feel like I forgot something…"

"Oh it doesn't matter…" Brittany replied with a rare moment of understanding before pulling her Kevy back on top of her.

Their relationship went by much more smoothly when he wasn't talking, but rather _doing_.

* * *

"So how is little Brooke doing?" Jackie Wentworth asked out of curiosity while leaning towards Daria's Court from the seat right behind them.

"I heard she's recovering from her surgery very well," Daria replied having gotten the update from one of Brooke's friends that morning before classes, "I'm thinking about dropping by later to check on her."

"I have to go no matter what," Ronnie chimed in while leaning a bit so Daria could see him since Scarlett and Jane were blocking the view, "I'm the one taking her homework to her."

"Oh so I guess I'll tag along then." Daria replied sweetly and Ronnie moved swiftly to get out of charm range before he did something stupid.

"Meh I got nothing else better to do." Jane added but in a light tone to take away the bite.

Meanwhile the murmuring in the crowd began to die off once the stage lights in the auditorium came on and Ms. Li stomped to the podium.

Daria couldn't resist a smile at the haggard looking administrator, the last couple of days had seen the Principal of Laaaaandaaaale Hiiiighhhh doing some serious damage control as the local media had a field day with everything that had happened on what they dubbed 'Glamazon Day'.

"Let's see what spin Ms. Li will try to pull over us 'sweet and innocent students'." Daria thought with the smile turning into a sneer.

And sure enough the Asian lady delivered up some impressive whoppers, saying things like, "I feel as though you have gotten the wrong impression about modeling, let me assure you that it isn't about sex at all!"

Everyone got a good belly laugh at that one, but Ms. Li only gave her students an annoyed glare before pressing onward about how the 'Glooorieee of Laaaaandaaaale Hiiiighhh had been 'compromised' by over enthusiasm and the 'vile lies' of the media!

Jane in the meanwhile snarked, "I wonder how'll she'll go about spinning the fact that no one got the contract and that she won't be getting those Red Dawn skylights?"

Daria smiled but said nothing at that while she tapped her foot impatiently and checked her watch, hoping that her little surprise for the assembly would go off without a hitch.

Then she went on a rant about how they should ignore the elements within the fashion industry that would 'encourage inappropriate interest in sexual matters too mature for youngsters like yourselves.'

Daria just raised an eyebrow at that and began to come up with something sarcastic for her friends to enjoy when the doors to the auditorium suddenly burst open, startling everyone and the sounds of a boom box could be heard as a group of soldiers marched in at an impressive clip.

"It has begun…" Daria thought ominously with a dark gleam in her beautiful eyes as she got comfortable in her chair and got ready to enjoy the show.

And sure enough, the good and honorable men under the command of General Buck Conroy didn't disappoint.

The song on the boom box celebrated killing the 'enemy', whomever that was dependent on who was paying you the most.

Gen. Conroy took over the podium and began to promote both his magazine, Brutal Mercenary, and the opportunities that could be found in the life of a soldier of fortune.

Daria pulled out her copy of the latest issue to hide her now very wicked smile as Ms. Li learned to her horror that Conroy believed that she had contacted him to do this, and then the press showed up and the stone cold killer on stage ate it up.

"I didn't know that Ms. Li read magazines like that." Daria said sweet and innocently and just loudly enough for her Court to hear her.

Jane was the first to catch on to what Daria had in her hands and the sexy vamp found the way her friend's eyes popped wide open to be hysterical, but she kept her amusement internal.

"Daria?!" Jane exclaimed, "Did you…?"

Daria just turned to her friends who were staring at her in awe and simply said, "Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies."

She then put the magazine away and looked back at the stage and enjoyed the rest of the show.

* * *

After the assemblies end, which took a while to sort out considering the chaos, Jackie left with several new numbers in her purse, and considering how good some of Conroy's boy's looked in uniform she was most certainly going to be calling them.

She caught her reflection in a window and smiled at it, her styled and feathered bleach blond hair and makeup perfect, everything about her screamed sexy.

"Just like Daria oddly enough," Jackie thought to herself as she moved on, "Yet somehow she's taken it to a whole new level… I've got to learn that secret, and now that I've got an _in_ with her, I've got all the time in the world to learn it."

In the slowly refilling halls of Lawndale High, she by chance walked by a knot of cheerleaders and football players.

Jackie glanced at them and recognized nearly every single guy there, having seen all of them before, and with a couple exceptions had seen oh so much more…

She smiled when she noticed sweet, dopey dumb Kevin Thompson among them, "Breaking him in was so much fun." Jackie thought to herself with pleasure at the memory of being the cool Sophomore who showed the spry young Freshman buck a thing or two about sex.

Then the squeaky voice of Brittany Taylor cut through her reminiscing, and Jackie suppressed a grimace as she started to pay attention to what the twit was saying.

"Well as I was saying to Nikki your first time is extremely important and no one can take that away!" Brittany said with perfect confidence.

"I can." Jackie said from the background in her sexiest tones and drew everyone's attention and for good measure blew Kevin a kiss before walking away.

"Hey hey!" kevin said with pleasure at the sexy retreating figure.

Then when he screamed after Brittany punched him it was Jackie's turn to smile.

"Those two are so easy." Jackie thought with a laugh as she headed to her next class, wishing that at least Daria was in her grade so she'd have someone interesting to talk to in class for a change.

* * *

Skylar leaned on the locker next to Daria's as his girl grabbed her books and closed it up and he noticed something.

"What was that picture?" he asked.

Daria turned to him and smiled, "It was a picture of the Hindenburg disaster."

"Oh," Skylar replied and tried to make a discreet note of it to look up later, Daria noticed this but said nothing, glad that he was putting real effort into learning new things.

"Commenting on it would discourage him." Daria thought and suppressed a sigh at that, one of the things she didn't like was that Skylar hadn't fully gotten over the 'anti-intelligence' that the popular considered to be bread and butter.

"But he's clearly improving," Daria thought to herself as she glanced at the teeming masses of Lawndale High going about their business.

Then she saw something that made her stomach churn.

Her sister, Quinn, taking pride of place as she led the newly revamped Fashion Club down the halls as if they owned the place, and if Daria wasn't present they probably would.

"There's Quinn in the lead," Daria noted, "Stacy and Tiffany of course, but now there's Tori and Siobhan as well."

In the wake of Sandi's nose literally falling apart in front of the entire school, Quinn had assumed 'temporary' control then added two new members who voted with her to kick Sandi out while she was still being put in the damn ambulance, as per the testimony of one of the less popular girls who told Daria this in exchange for some advice on how to get a guy to like her.

"I wonder if Quinn will try to recruit Brooke once she's back?" Daria thought to herself then decided to ask Brooke about it later that day.

That reminded Daria of what was happening on the legal front, since after Sandi's 'nasal relapse' her mother had joined the Crests in a massive lawsuit against that quack Dr. Shar.

"And Mom can't defend her this time," Daria thought with glee, "Since her youngest daughter is a member of the club that Sandi was in and that Brooke was trying to join."

Daria wondered if some other junior associate at her mother's firm could pull of a miracle for Shar, the mountain of evidence was damning but more air-tight cases than this had been destroyed before.

For a wild moment Daria wished that her mother _was _working on the defense, just so she could steal her legal papers and send them to the Griffins.

"But I doubt I could get away with it." Daria concluded as she and Skylar walked in the general direction of their next classes.

Skylar in the meanwhile was looking very nervous and uncomfortable, like a preppy kid that got lost and wound up on Dega Street.

"Um Daria…" he stuttered and one of his hands shook, "I was wondering if… Well you see my parents are hosting a party on our yacht and… well… I want you to come with, you know to… meet them."

The last two words came out in an embarrassing squeak, but Daria simply glanced at him with a smile in her eyes and said, "Sure! I've never been on a fancy boat like that before."

"Great!" Skylar replied in visible relief, "I'll tell my parents to send you an invite in the mail with the details and junk."

"I love it when you get all mushy." Daria teased him and then gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading into Barch's class and Skylar went on to his math class.

* * *

"It was so nice of you guys to come and see me," Brooke said while propped up on fluffy pillows while tucked comfortably in her bed, "I've been at a loss for people to talk to, outside of my family I mean."

"Think nothing of it darling." Daria replied kindly while Ronnie showed Brooke the homework for the day.

Brooke had been pleasantly surprised by the arrival of not just Ronnie and Scarlett to deliver the day's homework, but _Daria Morgendorffer _herself and her friends, the most popular girls in school, even more so than the Fashion Club.

"You're recovering well Brooke," Jane Lane said and gave the girl a sympathetic look.

"Thanks!" Brooke replied with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, considering the painkillers and the fact that her nose was covered in a cast.

"It's just," Brooke added more sadly, "I mean I know I was lucky considering the circumstances, I mean if my nose had fallen apart like Sandi's I think I would have been scarred for life. It's just…"

Brooke then sighed and said pitifully, "I wish I had stuck with my old nose, even if it did have that bone in it."

Daria began to respond but Brooke waved it off and continued, "I… I'm seeing some sort of fancy therapist that deals with 'body dysmorphic disorders'." Brooke said the word 'dysmorphic' very carefully since she was still getting used to it.

"That's great Brooke!" Daria replied kindly.

Brooke smiled a little at that, "Yeah… Maybe it will help me with loving what I see in the mirror cus right now all I see is… ugly."

"Brooke," Daria replied much more sternly, "Stop that, you are not ugly, you are a very beautiful girl with a great personality. You just need some help to see it, that's all."

She then gave the girl in the bed another charming smile and shifted the topic to lighter stuff and figured that the best way to do it was to ask Brooke for fashion advice.

Even if she didn't do anything with it.

But when Brooke learned that Daria was going to a fancy yacht to meet Skylar's parents she squealed in delight and said, "Wow Daria! You're so lucky to have a boyfriend like that, you'll get to dress up and probably meet people in the whole 'jet set' thing."

Daria just laughed at that and replied, "Oh I doubt it, Skylar made it out to be a meeting with his parents for the first time, you know show off the dream girl and all that."

But Brooke Crest would not be denied, she suggested that Daria consider dressing very Posh, and then listed several colors that would look good.

They did this for about half an hour before Brooke's mom came to the door and asked everyone, politely of course to get ready to leave since her daughter needed to do her homework and rest.

Brooke swallowed her complaints and wished everyone well and smiled until the last person left, but even after her face fell she still felt better than she had in ages.

"That was so cool!" Brooke said to herself, "The most popular girl, like, ever was here! And she asked me for advice and stuff… And she's so smart and pretty and lucky!"

Then as she blanched at the real hard looking math problems she said aloud, "I wish I could be like her… Maybe if I asked her for some advice once I'm back in school, then I can be super popular too!"

After that Brooke felt so much better, she might be down and stuck in her room while her nose recovered from emergency surgery to restore its structural integrity, but she already saw a group of cool people that she at least had a link too.

She dared to hope that she could join them as a friend, then everyone would love her and she could be truly happy.

* * *

For once her mother was ecstatic, saying, "I'm so happy for you Daria! Of course you can go to the Feldman's, but I will need to get the exact timing of all this of course."

"Of course Mom." Daria replied with calm, carefully controlled tones, wanting very much to have full parental approval for this.

As part of her campaign to secure permission to go to the Feldman's little shindig, she was even eating the frozen lasagna that her Dad had so lovingly removed from a box and shoved in the oven in lieu of actual cooking.

She then glanced at her sister and gave her a small smile, since the Amazon Modeling Agency had been forcibly removed from the premises of the school, no one had been awarded the contract, which meant that Quinn hadn't been able to use her blackmail on her.

"And with every day that passes, it's power over me grows weaker and weaker," Daria thought to herself as she took another bite of her food and found a cold spot in the middle of the boiling lava hot substance.

"And in the meanwhile I can work on my revenge on the bitch for trying that tactic on me in the first place."

By the time that Daria was finished, her little sister wouldn't know what hit her.

But for the moment, she had to make nice with her parents, get something to wear for a boat party, and meet a boy's parents for the first time.

"The delay will lull her into a sense of false security," Daria thought to herself, "Then when she feels like she's back on top of the world…"

Daria had to suppress another wicked grin lest it give anything away, but her vengeance would be all the sweeter for the wait.

Oh so sweet.

**THE END**

_Notes: Some lines from 'Too Cute' and 'This Year's Model', the events of 'Cafe Disaffecto' are mentioned._


	4. Lab Lockdown Sex

**Sexy Daria: Lab Lockdown Sex**

"Skylar sweetie," Daria said through clenched teeth and a painted smile, "Your parents are nice and all but how do you put up with these parties?"

"I grit my teeth and bare it." Skylar replied through his own gritted teeth.

Then yet another old couple who Daria had no idea who they were approached them and while Skylar made the introductions she stood at his side, arm in his, rigid in pose, wearing some very nice and very new preppy casual clothing that wouldn't look out of place at a party on a yacht.

Which was a good thing because that's where she was, and it felt like torture.

Once the old couple, what were they're names again? Walked off Daria whispered to her date, "Are you sure we can't sneak off?"

"I wish," Skylar replied in a hush in her ear, making it look like an endearment, "Dad is having the crew sail around the harbor for a couple hours before docking."

"Crew?!" Daria asked with a raised eyebrow, the boat was of a decent size, or so her inexperienced eye told her, but she didn't think it was _that _big.

Skylar smiled at that, "For events like this Dad is fond of getting someone else to sail the damn thing for him, so he can mingle with the old money set."

"But just think…" Skylar added with a more interested whisper, "Once we're off this boat and we're back at my place, my parents were nice enough to let you use the guest room since we'll be getting back so late… And it's just down the hall from my room."

That did make Daria smile back at him and she whispered back, "Sounds like your parents forgot what it's like to be teenagers."

Skylar's smile turned quite evil as he replied, "They think the walls are thin enough to hear through, they're not and the way they sleep an earthquake wouldn't wake them up."

He then added, "And my little sister's room way on the other end, she won't hear a thing."

Daria giggled at that, "Oh Sky, you've become quite the schemer."

"I think all the tutoring you've been giving me has help."

"Oh is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Daria asked in mock-seriousness which made them both start to crack up.

Unfortunately they had to deal with another couple that they didn't give a crap about, which made Daria wish that there were any other people their age at the party.

"It would be nice for some age-related company." She thought with annoyance, since every time she had left Skylar's side for food or a bathroom break she had been hit on by the sleaziest old men imaginable.

"They put the old Charles Ruttheimer to shame." Daria thought to herself with snark at their unknowing expense.

* * *

"Hey Janie cool painting," Trent drawled suddenly from Jane Lane's open doorframe and unusually causing his sister to jump like she had been shocked.

"Ahhhh! Oh hi Trent," Jane said once she ascertained that she wasn't being haunted by a silent stoner ghost, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Just woke up." Trent said while rubbing sleep from his eyes, at very late at night, "But I couldn't find any food so I came up here."

"Oh, that makes sense I guess." Jane quipped and silently thought, "For you anyway."

Trent in that meanwhile began looking at the painting again and asked, "He looks familiar."

"It's just a guy from school," Jane explained very quickly, "One of my alter ego things, you know?"

"Cool," Trent said while looking at the painting, then at his sister, then at the painting again and an eyebrow was raised, but he said nothing of his inner thoughts.

"Well gotta go get some shut eye, see ya in a few Janie." Trent replied before shuffling out of the room, completely ignoring the twelve hours of sleep he had just woken up from.

"Thank God he's oblivious." Jane breathed once he was out of earshot then turned back to her latest work and smiled at it.

It was a painting of Charles Ruttheimer with his new clothes and developing muscles, ripping out of a skin of himself in his old geeky clothes and sleazy attitude.

Jane took a step back and looked at it for a long while to make sure that everything was just right before resuming her painting.

* * *

Quinn stepped out of the car and thanked the guy, whatever his name was for the ride.

"Thanks for the lift… guy." She said sweetly as she shut the door and he drove away into the dead of night.

"That party at Tori's was fun," Quinn said to herself, not worried about a thing despite the hour since her parents would be dead asleep from a combo of booze and work, "And since Daria wasn't there to ruin it I was sooo able to build on my new popularity."

Quinn was radiant with joy as she reached the front door and slipped the key into the hole, as the new President of the Fashion Club she had new connections and resources to call on in the Great Game of LHS.

"No matter what Daria does for attention, it's girls like me who are the truly popular." Quinn reassured herself as she unlocked the door and opened it.

"QUINN LOUISE MORGENDORFFER!" the voice of her mother roared from the living room like a monster from a fairy tale.

"Oh no!" Quinn said to herself in horror, suddenly the night wasn't so good.

As Helen began to read her daughter the riot act she felt a momentary gratefulness to herself for having listened in to Daria talking to a friend on the phone about missing a big party at some girl's to go to the Feldman event and then complain further that Quinn would be going.

Helen had no way of knowing that Daria had been talking into a dead line.

It was the first part of the vengeance that was to be unleashed upon Quinn Morgendorffer.

* * *

As the non-descript houses of Lawndale flew by in the window, both Daria and Skylar had small, satisfied grins on both their faces, it had been secretly hysterical how his parents had noted the glow that they both radiated like Chernobyl radiated radiation.

"Oh it's just love, that's all." Daria had said with a sweet as could be grin when Skylar's mother had commented on it and they had both laughed at that oh so mysteriously.

Well maybe not quite so mysteriously since Daria could swear that Skylar's dad had winked at them when his wife wasn't looking.

"Maybe our shenanigans weren't so hush-hush after all." Daria thought to herself with a silent fit of the giggles.

But all good things have to come to their appointed end, and once Skylar's sleek black sports car pulled up in front of the Morgendorffer house, Daria sighed and got ready to get out, but turned to Skylar and said in a lusty whisper, "I had fun last night."

Skylar grinned like a guy that won a million dollars and blushed at the same time, but when Daria kissed him goodbye, he returned it with fever.

But they were forced to part and Daria had to step out of the car and back into the jungle.

As soon as she stepped through the door she saw something that perked her right back up.

"Looks like the little dominos are falling along quite nicely," Daria thought with glee, "And it only took a minimum of effort, god these people are too easy!"

However she didn't say anything until she approached her family in the living room, Quinn was sitting on the couch and her parents were standing over her, Helen was doing a very good angry parent routine, Jake… Not so much.

"… I still can't believe that stunt you pulled! Oh hello Daria." Helen added once she noticed her daughter arrival with her night bag in tow, "How was the Feldman's party?"

"Fun if you like the old money set," Daria replied nonchalantly, "But his parents were nice and his little sister was cute, and you should see their yacht, and their house! They have a lot of cool stuff."

She added the last as a dig at Quinn who squirmed in her seat with envy, but Daria gave no sign of her joy at yet another triumph.

But to change the subject before things got into dicer territory Daria asked, "So what happened at the homefront?"

Helen gritted her teeth, "Your sister tried to sneak in at the dead of night from some party!"

"But Mo-om!" Quinn began to whine.

"No buts Quinn!" Helen snapped, "We caught you red-handed on this one."

Daria allowed herself an amused grin, "Quinn… What's gotten into you?"

Her little sister glared up at her, "And what were you up too? I mean besides tramping it up!"

"Quinn!" Helen snapped even more loudly, "This isn't about Daria, for once, this is all about you."

The aside that Helen had included caused Daria to sniff, and in her very preppy outfit she did a very good imitation of an offended young lady with an irreproachable record.

As Daria then took a step back and listened to her parents yell at Quinn, something that they probably had picked right back up from the night before, something her father said caught her attention.

"Hey!" Daria snapped in a disturbing imitation of her mother, "How come I have a curfew but the party princess here doesn't?"

Then while they stammered petty excuses, Daria took the opportunity to storm off, knowing full well why they tried to keep her on a short leash and let that twit have a free reign.

"Well let's see if the favorite is oh so favored after pulling _this_ stunt!" Daria said to herself with hope, even though the track record of her parents and disciplining Quinn was quite sparse at best.

She then shut the door to her room behind her loudly, just to make sure they got the message.

* * *

"So how was Cindy's Steakhouse?" Jane asked with her phone pressed up to her ear while she idly flipped through an old sketch book.

"Great!" Scarlett chirped on the other end of the line as she lounged on her bedroom floor and stared at the mouse cage she had brought down while Roger ran endless laps on his little wheel.

Scarlett then added, "We both got big steaks, baked potatoes, side salads, and we even took home a slice of cherry pie for dessert."

"Hmm, yum." Jane replied while looking at an alter ego of the Fashion Club as the Beatles walking down Abby Road, "And did Ronnie get an extra dessert?"

Scarlett giggled and replied mysteriously, "I'd never kiss and tell on that."

Though her gaze turned to her small desk where a borrowed copy of The New Kama Sutra lay, she wasn't finished with it yet but once she was she fully intended to knock Ronnie's socks off.

"Well you two have your fun… Safely." Jane lectured a bit and then added, "Anything else new on the home front?"

"Well," Scarlett replied with bemusement, "Brooke called to let me know the scoop, apparently Sandi's coming back to school on Monday."

Jane chuckled very evilly, "I wonder what torments await the former Queen of Lawndale now that she's been brought down a few pegs."

Scarlett enjoyed a laugh at that, "Well Quinn's running her little cult, the image of her nose falling apart still makes people puke, and with her bitchy attitude… Well I have a feeling that a whole lot of people will be extracting their payback now."

"Excellent!" Jane hissed with delight, before she and Scarlett chatted away about other topics for a few more minutes before they hung up on each other.

"It's good that she's got a good one out of the herd." Jane thought to herself but when her gaze fell on her latest painting for some reason she felt forlorn.

It took a while to shake that feeling for some reason.

* * *

Skylar and Daria were sitting side by side on the couch watching an old Pumpkin Skull horror movie, or rather they were _trying _to watch it since the sound was being drown out by an argument in the kitchen.

"But Mo-om!" Quinn whined, "I'm the President of the Fashion Club now and it's my duty to manage things."

"Quinn you are tying up the damn line!" Helen roared back, "Who knows how many calls from Eric that I've missed!"

"Who's Eric?" Skylar asked his leading lady, having come over later that day to see her for what was supposed to be quiet time together.

"My mom's boss at the Firm." Daria answered with boredom, "He's managed to become quite the leech and my workaholic mother just gives and gives."

She then glanced at the kitchen where the argument was getting louder, "Let's go upstairs, the padding in my room will be a blessed relief."

Skylar just grinned at that, "Lead the way."

* * *

The movie was now on the credits on Daria's upstairs TV while Skylar lounged on her bed and Daria was, oddly enough pulling out a couple old photo albums, wanting to show them off.

"Well to justify having you up here, in case Mom comes up I'll show you some pics from Hell, AKA Highland Texas." Daria said with her best smile.

Skylar made appreciative noises, fully expecting to be bored.

Daria held up a hand, "A word of warning, no judgments should be passed, based on the past. Kay?"

Skylar granted his assent to this, not having any idea what he was getting himself into.

Within a few minutes as he saw ever increasing levels of madness he whistled, "Pwhew! I can't believe it! Is this place for real?"

"Yup." Daria replied very flatly, "Those two boys managed to generate chaos and insanity, which is why I always kept tabs on them, it made living in that town slightly more tolerable. How many times have you seen a downed jumbo jet? I think I can answer that, none!"

They both laughed at that, the pictures of Butthead wielding a shot gun while standing in front of his prey had been quite the show stopper.

She then turned a page that contained pictures of her other class mates, Daria listed a few of them for him but when she got to a nice but nerdy girl with glasses she seemed to pause for a moment.

"That's Cassandra," Daria breathed with a fond smile, "I'm not ashamed to admit that she was my first girl."

"…Really?!" Skylar asked in shock, granted he knew that Daria was Bi but he had always assumed it to be an act, a way to get attention.

"Really." Daria replied in perfect honesty. "Oh granted she's very quiet, in public, but once you get her somewhere private… Oh she can become quite the kitten."

Skylar licked his lips at the thought of his sexy girlfriend with another woman, it was more than enough to get his libido up.

"Any ex-boyfriends I should be jealous of?" Skylar asked as nonchalantly as he could, but Daria wasn't fooled by the act.

"Nope," she replied, "I know I don't look it but when I date someone I go exclusive, completely loyal, cus I've seen relationships come to pieces when three or more people get involved… It's messy."

Skylar nodded at that, "Yeah, it always looks like those soap operas that my Mom watches."

Daria teased him with a raised eyebrow and he added very quickly, "Not that I would pay attention to that!"

She giggled and replied, "It's ok, I've known guys who did weirder things."

She then noticed the picture of Earl in the jumble and smiled at the memory of the things that _he _got up too.

Then there was a knock and her mother burst in a moment later with a tray full of chips and salsa and said very happily, "Snacks!"

Helen was very visibly relieved to see that they were on the floor, clothes on, with a photo album in front of them.

"Told ya!" Daria said to Skylar with a small smile and a laugh as Helen set out the tray and asked what they were up too without any shame.

"Just showing Skylar my photo albums," Daria answered with total honesty.

"That's nice sweetie," Helen replied in a voice that was clearly glad at seeing something so innocent out of her wayward daughter.

As the mom from hell departed she couldn't help but think, "That Feldman boy is doing Daria some real good, best not to discourage them from dating, but… Yeah I won't let them do _that _in this house!"

As soon as the door was shut, both teenagers grinned at each other and then began to make out in defiance of parental tyranny.

* * *

Daria walked the hallways of Lawndale High with her friends Jane, Scarlett and her new additions of Jackie Wentworth and Brooke Crest and countless new hanger-on's as well.

Then a very welcome face made its presence known, Jodie Landon made a beeline for Daria with a very large grin.

"I know you would be interested in this!" Jodie said as she held a collection box in front of her and a spool of tickets attached to it.

"What is it that I'm supposed to be interested in Jodie?" Daria asked in genuine confusion even while Jane called out, "We'll take one each!"

"It's for the Annual Teacher-DJ roller Hockey Game." Jodie answered, which didn't dispel Daria's or Scarlett's confusion for that matter.

Jane then glanced at them and then it clicked, "Oh right they weren't here last year."

Jodie laughed darkly, "Should we tell them?"

"Yes!" They both answered each other.

Daria then said, "Hey what are you two talking about?!"

Jane then grinned like a Cheshire cat and said, "Well last year during the big game DeMartino suffered an explosive heart attack and required emergency angioplasty, he almost died."

"Ahh…" Daria breathed in complete understanding, "And this year I assume he's participating?"

"Oh yes…" Jodie breathed very wickedly, which made Daria smile at the memory of making her breathe like that for other reasons.

"Is the betting pool up?" Jackie asked from the background.

"Charles is running it this year so we don't have any mishaps." Jodie replied more businesslike.

Jackie grinned at that and then headed off to find Charles Ruttheimer III to place her bet on when her history teacher would die and how.

"I'm in." Daria said with glee as she handed over her money for a ticket to what was now the greatest show on earth.

Other than her running bare naked through the streets, but that was only in the fantasies of the boys and curious girls of Lawndale High, and everywhere else on earth that had been graced by her presence.

* * *

Now once again Daria found herself in the seething cauldron of misandry fueled hatred that was Ms. Barch's Science Class.

As Barch's lecture on positive and negative reinforcement slowly slipped into her ranting (again) about her ex-husband leaving her after twenty two years of marriage, Daria was sorely tempted (again) to suggest that she get laid as soon as humanely possible.

"As in, leave for the nearest bar and nail the first man she can get her mitts on!" Daria thought to herself with amusement at the thought of Barch chasing down terrified barflies down Dega Street.

Something of that amusement must have shown since Daria felt the glare of the Feminazi teacher fall upon her.

"Daria!" Barch snapped, "Since the Neanderthals weren't able to answer, perhaps you can give us an example of reinforcement?"

"Well…" Daria began in her breathy voice, "Let's say you wanted to make a child stop crying, you could threaten them with a trip to Scottsdale Arizona to live with their abusive real father. Then afterward whenever the child showed signs of upset, you could wave the ticket in their face, or frame it on their bedroom wall."

"Very good…" Barch began to say before Daria cut her off with her voice flipping to a very dull monotone.

"Then years later due to the constant reinforcement of not being allowed to convey their emotions properly, anything associated with air travel could cause the now grown up child's fragile psyche to shatter and trigger violent and possibly deadly psychotic episodes worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos."

The teacher's smile was terrible to behold, "I like the way you think Daria."

Then she randomly screamed at Mack to shut up and for reasons unknown to science he blanched in confusion.

"Doesn't Mack Dynamite realize that since he doesn't fit the stupid male stereotype that she hates him even more than Kevin?" Daria thought to herself, even while noting that Barch was slowly coming around.

At first her science teacher had had no idea how to respond to a girl like Daria, a seemingly vapid sex crazed bimbo, who then revealed a truly frightening level of intelligence and coupled it with an inhuman talent at manipulating the boys and men of Lawndale into doing her bidding.

She had veered between bursts of anger and awe but seemed to be slowly leaning towards cheering her on.

Daria was vaguely aware that the teacher was explaining their assignments even while comparing the two articles she had turned into the Newspaper before slipping into class.

One she didn't expect to see printed and the other would pass muster, but the first had a different purpose than being printed.

"Daria," Barch said, "Mack will be your lab partner for this project."

That caught her attention, "What?!"

"You and Mack will design and construct a maze and condition a mouse to go through it using either Positive or Negative reinforcement."

"Oh," Daria breathed and for some reason felt very hot all of a sudden in spite of wearing clothing with very little fabric.

"Um… Ok!" Mack said simply.

"Shut up Mack!" Barch and Jodie both snapped together.

Poor Mack didn't know which way to blanch, but he did back his chair away from his girlfriend a bit even while she and Barch stared at each other for a whole minute before shaking it off.

Then as Daria tried to let her mind wander she heard something that was almost as shocking as being assigned to work with Mack.

"And Jodie will work with Upchuck." Ms. Barch said with a strange relish, which sounded quite strange since Charlie's old nickname was passing out of favor at Lawndale High.

"Oh my," Daria said under her breath, "This could get very messy."

Then Barch snapped at Kevin and informed him that he'd be working with Brittany and finished assigning lab partners.

Fortunately for the males in the room the bell rang soon after and Barch called out, "Oh and don't forget about the Teacher-DJ Roller Hockey Game since that MAN DeMartino is looking for students to beat up… I mean train with!"

Even Kevin knew that volunteering for that gig was a bad idea.

* * *

Just the students were filing out, Daria was approached by, among others, Jodie Landon who seemed anxious about something, and Ms. Morgendorffer had a feeling it wasn't about her article on the Fashion Club.

Before Jodie could speak Daria said very gently, "Jodie I am not going to use this as an attempt to steal your boyfriend."

"Um… That's not what I was going to talk about." Jodie replied very weakly.

There was a pause and then Jodie said even more lamely, "Ok even I didn't believe that."

"That makes two of us." Daria replied flatly and elicited a laugh out of the beautiful girl.

"But consider the message sent and received." Daria added more kindly and Jodie smiled at that.

"Great," Jodie replied and then changed the subject with, "But there was one other thing, your article on the Fashion Club, 'FC Without a Point', I loved it but I don't think Ms. Li will let us print it."

Daria smiled mysteriously at that, and Jodie felt her heartbeat increase, "Well I did give you that alternate one on my investigation into 'the Secrets of Mystery Meat' just in case."

Jodie laughed, "That one did make my day brighter, but I want to know, what's your beef with the Fashion Club."

Daria replied with a single word, stated in a monotone so flat it was robotic.

"Quinn."

Then she walked away and even though she was quite off-put by that, Jodie stared at the Alice tattoo on Daria's lower back as it swayed back and forth oh so invitingly.

She stared so intently that when Mack approached to get her going to her next class that for a minute she had trouble remembering where she even was.

* * *

Angelia Li sat at her desk in her office, the beating heart of her precious Laaaaandaaaale Hiiiiighhhh, the proposed articles for the Lawndale Lowdown were in front of her, but the one on top of the pile had truly captured her imagination.

And not in a good way.

"I give those girls 1500 dollars in operating funds and what _do they contribute back?_" Angelia Li asked herself while her mind went through a rundown on what each school club and group brought her school in terms of glory, honor, prestige, and possible lucrative sponsorships.

She couldn't think of a single gods damn thing that the Fashion Club had ever brought the school except headaches.

"Hell without Sandi involved I don't even have a link to her mother Linda at the local news station to call on for favors!" Li screeched to herself.

She then made a note to herself to call Quinn in and first read her the riot act and then give her an ultimatum.

"Make the Fashion Club into something that contributes to the school or else it will be cut!" Li wrote down.

Then she made a quick call to her secretary to have her inform Ms. Landon that the Fashion Club article would not be printed.

"Tell her to print the one on the Mystery Meat, we can survive that one since it's a joke piece." Li said dismissively and then sent her aide away and used the PA system to get Quinn Morgendorffer there forthwith.

* * *

A few minutes later a very shell-shocked Quinn Morgendorffer stumbled out of Principal Li's office.

Ms. Lime, the Principal's secretary watched the poor girl try to get her motor skills back and shook her head.

"Angelia must have been in a bad mood today," Lime thought to herself and checked her supply of Tylenol, "Good, I have enough to survive."

It was obvious that Aunt Flow had come to visit early, or Li was freaking out over money.

They both caused psychotic levels of anger in her boss and either way it meant that at some point she (Ms. Lime) was going to be yelled at.

She then checked her supply of disposable earplugs and tssked at the nearly empty box.

"This is going to be a long day." Lime said in resignation and wished she could hand hers in.

But she needed the money dammit!

* * *

Sandi Griffin was alone, completely and utterly alone.

Her return to school to what she had hoped would be a triumphant restoration of her status hadn't gone off according to plan.

She had learned to her absolute horror that _Quinn_ had seized the reigns of the Fashion Club, brought it her own choices for new members, then had… had…

"Kicked me out!" Sandi thought to herself once more and had to fight back tears.

She had already openly wept once that day and redoing her makeup was such a bother.

Especially since most of her supply had been stolen out of her locker, along with a bunch of other stuff.

Oh and vandalized with the words "Busted Nose Bitch!" spray painted all over it.

After having been shot down by the girls who a few days before had been all hers, Sandi had endured a day of brutal taunts, teasing, tripped legs, 'accidently' spilt drinks and food all over her person, and in gym she fully expected things to get much much worse.

"How dare these unpopular girls do this to me?!" Sandi moaned to herself once more, not realizing that she was talking out loud again, "I'm popular!"

It was enough to make a girl want to just ditch and go to the mall, but no guy was willing to give her a ride.

Or go on a date with her.

Or even talk to her.

In fact most of them couldn't even look at her without a shiver, their minds filled with the image of her on stage with her nose completely concave.

"No one loves me." Sandi moaned to herself as she walked in total isolation from everyone.

Then she reached a corner and stopped when she heard girls talking, she recognized one of the voices as that Brooke girl.

"…I couldn't help but laugh at her Jackie." Brooke said and Sandi wracked her brain cus she couldn't recall a 'Jackie' at their school.

"Well I have to admit that seeing Quinn knocked down a few pegs was worth seeing but openly enjoying her misery? I'm not sure that's a good thing." A voice replied and Sandi made the mental connection.

"Brooke is hanging around Slutty Girl!" Sandi hissed with glee as she thought she found a handle for juicy gossip.

Then another voice emerged, that weird art girl who was friends with Daria the Superslut, "Well with Quinn being grounded I doubt she can do a whole lot to save the Fashion Club, but it will be interesting to see how it implodes."

"What?!" Sandi thought to herself as her body froze in instinctive horror.

"Exactly," Brooke replied with dark joy, "I mutilated my face to try and be one of them and I still wasn't good enough, now it's their turn to suffer, and hopefully crash and burn so I can laugh at them."

The voices grew more distant but Sandi stood stock still, her mind processing all of this and then her demeanor changed and for an instant she no longer seemed like the fallen and shattered Sandi Griffin who had been standing there a moment ago.

She looked a little like her old self again.

* * *

During lunch, while DeMartino trained on the weight machines, huffing and wheezing like a man slowly dying of cancer, Ms. Barch was showing Ms. Bennett how to use a hockey stick on mannequins normally used to resuscitation classes.

"Um… Janet." The economics teacher stammered very nervously as Barch slammed the stick hard in a male mannequin's crotch, "I'm not sure this how we're supposed to… eep!"

The eep happened because Barch had glanced at her, cold inhuman fury burned in her visible eyeball like a fragment of hell itself.

The only other sound was DeMartino's wheezing.

* * *

At lunch, Daria held court as usual with her friends Jane and Scarlett, the new additions Jackie and Brooke, and their assorted boyfriends and manfriends, or those that could fit at the table that weren't official manfriends.

During this, Mack approached the table like a man with his hat in his hand, except he didn't have a hat.

"Um hey Daria," he said a bit nervously, not sure how close he should get, considering that he was dating another girl, had had sex with Daria and said girlfriend (at the same time), and that Daria was in her usual provocative outfit with her _current_ boyfriend within punching distance.

"Oh hi Mack." Daria said nicely, but not overtly friendly, "Is this about Barch's assignment?"

"Yes." He said simply, "So where do you want to do it… The assignment I mean!" He added the last very quickly lest Skylar get the wrong idea.

"Well we can build the maze at my place because yours doesn't have a garage… right?" Daria added the last in a desperate bid not to seem like she had been to Mack's house before and failed miserably.

"…That'll work." Mack said and then scurried off before he hit anymore landmines.

Skylar, who was sitting opposite of Daria raised an eyebrow and began to form the obvious questions in his head but Jane spoke up first.

"Uh… What's all that about Daria?" she asked since she didn't have science with Barch.

Daria then explained what Ms. Barch had come up with for homework and had assigned people their lab partners.

"Oh," Jane replied once her friend was done talking, "Well that explains a lot actually."

Daria saw an opening for a dig to change the subject and she took it.

"Yeah, like how Charlie is working with Jodie on their maze."

"What?!" Jane exclaimed in shock and then after the girls giggled at that said, "What's all the laughing for?!"

That made everyone else at the table giggle even harder.

* * *

Once more Daria found herself in the hellish purgatory that was dinner with her family, while she enjoyed some Cream of Mushroom soup, they suffered on, yup you guessed it, frozen lasagna.

It got worse somehow when her mother spoke to her, "I heard that you're working on a big science project with the Captain of the Football Team."

Daria recognized the tone, it was the preliminary to an interrogation and then an argument about everything about her, but she mentally shrugged her shoulders and said to herself, "Fuck it."

"Yes," Daria answered flatly before taking another spoonful of soup, "We're working on training a mouse to get through a maze."

"That sounds interesting," Helen replied and then fired the first shots, "But I expect you to be on your best behavior dear."

"Now why wouldn't I be Helen?" Daria asked and smirked at her mother's irritation at being addressed by her real name by her daughter.

"Because I know you." Helen replied in dangerous tones.

"Now there's a laugh and a half." Daria snapped right back, her voice turning quite frosty.

"Gee look at this!" Jake cut in while waving a letter around with at a pitch of voice that screamed 'desperate to end hostilities', "There's a new channel on our cable package called the 'Pigskins' which shows the good old football games!"

Daria latched on to that and made a smart comment about watching the games you have seen before since the new ones were so boring.

"That's right!" Jake replied enthusiastically.

Daria then glanced at her food and picked it up, "I'm finished eating." Then threw out what was left in the garbage and took the bowl to the sink and didn't bother washing it, leaving it for someone else to deal with for once.

"We're not finished talking young lady!" Helen yelled, not wanting to be denied another chance to lash out at what she viewed as one of her biggest failures.

"You never are Helen," Daria replied flatly as she stopped in mid-stride and turned to face them, "But I only have this to say, I'm dating Skylar, not Mack, get it through your head if you can squeeze it in between calls with your husband Eric… I'm sorry I meant your boss."

"WHAT?!" Jake yelled and turned to look at Helen with a face that was a mask of pain and betrayal.

Daria smirked quite wickedly at this and walked away.

Quinn in the meanwhile got up and slipped away, not quite sure how her sister had twisted the situation to her own benefit.

"I have to learn that trick!" Quinn thought to herself, "But I'll never ask for help from that hussy!"

But before she left, Quinn swiped the phone, she had to make some calls to the Fashion Club, it was so hard to run a club of that caliber while imprisoned by her crappy parents.

Then the doorbell rang.

"That's for me." Daria yelled out to no one as she went to door and answered it.

The full force of noise hit Mack Mackenzie like a cement truck driving through a nitroglycerine plant.

"What is that?!" He asked her as the yelling from the kitchen reached a new pitch.

"My parents are arguing." Daria replied very flatly, "Can we take this to the garage? That's where we'll be building the maze."

"Sure." Mack replied as he stepped aside to let Daria out of the house and followed her ot the Morgendorffer's garage, grateful to be away from the noise.

* * *

The tension could be cut with a sharp knife, but even while his mouth watered, Mack was able to lay out the blueprints for the maze he had come up with without a stammer, or drooling.

Daria on the other hand was quite flush, but doing her best to keep it under wraps and made some modifications to the plans with a pencil.

They were keeping a two foot radius in between them, the saw horse table between them was serving as a barrier, of sorts.

"This shouldn't take more than a day or two to build," Daria commented and hoped that her voice was as normal as possible.

"Yeah… Your right," Mack said and felt even more blood pump into his genitals, "About the maze I mean." He added very quickly.

"So when do we start?" Daria asked and then added, "On the maze I mean."

"Now sounds good." Mack replied very carefully, hoping that it didn't come off as a double entendre.

It did.

Daria blushed but understood what he meant, even if it came off differently, "Ok I guess… Grab a hammer."

"Yes ma'am." Mack replied with a grin and hoped that Daria knew how to use a saw.

* * *

Quinn spied on them through the small window of the garage while standing on a small pile of bricks propped up on the side of the structure.

"My god," Quinn thought to herself as she climbed down, "Doesn't she ever stop trying to seduce guys?!"

Even while she fumed about this, she also thought about not being able to get everyone on the line since Stacy and Siobhan both had dates and Tori had some family event that night, which had resulted in having to talk to Tiffany one-one-one.

An exhausting experience even for the President of the Fashion Club.

Then as she headed back into the house, which was now eerily quiet, Quinn had a brainfart and a smile formed on her pretty face.

"If I can win Mack over instead of Daria, then my popularity would be even more secure!" she said to herself in an excited whisper like a treasure hunter that had located the Holy Grail.

She then rushed up the stairs to go into emergency dress-up, now quite certain of her ability to win Mack over, already planning out their dates in her mind.

As she reached her door however Quinn paused for a moment, the image of Jodie Landon came to mind.

"Well she used to treat him like crap," Quinn thought to herself, "I doubt that she'll stick with this 'new and improved thing' for very long."

With that justification, Quinn then went into her room to change.

* * *

As Jodie and Charles began working on the rather ambitious design that he had come up with, they made small talk.

"So I heard your tutoring the J's." Jodie said as she started to feel more at ease being in the lair of the beast as it were.

Granted Charles had been improving a lot, but even someone as forgiving as Jodie had been nervous about building the maze at his house, but he had been a perfect gentleman so far.

"But if he tries anything I'm stepping." Jodie told herself again firmly.

"Yes," Charles replied as he set up the outer walls, "So far it feels like I'm trying to break rocks with a rubber hammer but I think I'm getting through to them."

"That's great," Jodie replied with a smile, "Maybe they won't have to rely on the grade fixing crap like some of the other Jocks."

"Like Kevin?" Charles asked and they both laughed at that.

Then as they started working on some of the inner walls, he then asked Jodie a question and a loaded one it was.

"So how are things between you and Mack Dynamite?"

Jodie snickered at the use of his new nickname, "That nickname is much better than 'Mack Daddy'."

"Yes it is," Charles replied, "But you didn't answer my question."

Jodie paused and sighed, "The honeymoon period is over."

Charles pursed his lips and thought, "That's not good."

She then continued with, "And… We don't really know a whole lot about each other, ah hell I should be honest I don't know much about him. I spent so much time doing my parents bidding that… I lost sight of everything."

Jodie seemed to be crawling into herself as she said this even while her eyes welled up with tears, "I… I have a lot to make up for and I… I don't know if there's enough time to do it before it all falls apart."

"Jodie." Charles replied quietly and came over just in time to grab her as she started to sway and the waterworks unleashed itself.

It took Jodie a long time to stop crying, but never once did Charles Ruttheimer III do anything other than hold her until she was finished.

* * *

"Things with Jodie…" Mack began before sighing and pausing for a minute, which caused Daria to raise an eyebrow oh so daintily, "I think we're at a fork in the road, just not sure which way we'll be going."

Daria gave him a small smile, "Well I hope you two can work it out."

Mack gave a dark laugh at that, "It isn't something to be worked out so much as her learning about me for the first time."

He then explained a little further, about how that now that she was trying, it was becoming obvious that Ms. Landon didn't really know a whole lot about her boyfriend.

"Hell I'm pretty sure she only learned what day my birthday was a week ago." Mack said passing it off as a joke but Daria wasn't fooled.

"March the fourth." She said quietly.

"What?"

"That's your birthday right? March the fourth."

Mack felt a smile slowly form on his face, "Yes, yes it is."

Daria smiled back and then glanced down at their project and tried to force it off her face to little avail and asked him what came next on the maze.

* * *

"This is so cool!" Brooke squealed as Jane finished showing her the latest sketches she had made, specifically they were part of her 'Alter-Ego's' collection, a mix of the old ones and some of the new.

"And you really captured my eyes." The popular girl added as she flopped down onto Jane's bed and looked at the drawing of herself as Wonder Woman.

She then turned the page and smirked at the picture of Charles as a circus strongman and thought to herself, "God it's so obvious that she's crushing on him."

She then turned to her new artistic friend and commented a bit more on some of the other pictures, like Daria in frumpy clothes and a bad attitude, or Quinn as a punk, or Jane as a photo-image negative version of herself.

Then she nonchalantly mentioned the Charles drawing and threw in how she had overheard him saying that she was cute.

"What!" Jane replied with a mixture of shock and hope.

"_Psyche!"_ Brooke teased with glee.

Jane growled at that while turning beet red and then struggled to change the topic but her mind kept bringing up the possibility that Charles… Liked her.

"Oh come on!" Jane told herself even while distracting Brooke with some of her paintings, "This is getting ridiculous, I mean sure he's cleaned up nice and he's getting some muscle but… He's still Upchuck… But he's not acting like that anymore…"

Then Jane realized that during her mental storm she had pulled out the painting she had recently made of Charles bursting in his new form shirtless out of the tattered skin of the old Upchuck.

The gleam in Brooke's eyes was enough of a giveaway that she was in for some serious taunting on that one.

"Eep!" Jane squeaked before Brooke unleashed the storm of good-natured razzing.

* * *

Quinn got her golden opportunity to strike when Daria went to the bathroom, it was a simple matter to watch the garage door from the kitchen while making it seem like she was leafing through the latest issues of Val and Waif.

Luckily for her Daria was so desperate for the restroom that she didn't see what Quinn was wearing, a come-hither purple strappy top, tight blue jeans, nice flats, and enough makeup to seem beautiful without overdoing it.

As soon as the bathroom door was shut, Quinn quickly slipped into the Garage where Mack was sitting in a folding chair taking a break, the maze looked pretty much done as far as Quinn could tell.

"Oh hi Mack," she said in a sweet innocent voice to get his attention.

"Oh, hey Quinn." Mack said as he head snapped up to look at her, he had to admit that she was cute.

"So how's the science project coming along?" she asked politely while walking over oh so delicately and then standing next to the table in such a way that she looked like a sweet little angel.

"Well we have the maze pretty much done," Mack replied without any sign that this was having much effect on him, "Tomorrow we'll pick up a mouse and start training it."

"Gee that sounds really interesting," Quinn answered in a very man-inciting voice, "Could you tell me about it?"

Mack gave her a polite smile and said, "Sure."

Then as he started to explain the project to her, the inner door to the garage opened and Daria stepped in.

Her eyes zeroed in on Quinn, Quinn in that outfit, Quinn who was trying to put the moves on Mack, and Daria for some reason started to see red.

However she pushed all that anger down and said in a fake sweet voice, "Oh hi Quinn, I thought you were busy with something tonight."

"Oh Daria," Quinn replied in an equally fake sweet voice but her eyes said something else, "I was just asking Mack here about this project, he said something about a mouse."

"Yup," Mack answered as calmly as he could even while looking for the nearest exit before the claws came out, "Well as I said we're training a mouse to get through the maze and we're going to use negative reinforcement to do so."

"Well that sounds cool," Quinn replied even while keeping an eye on Daria as she slowly moved around them towards the door, "Well I should go, I'm working on a little project for the Fashion Club, you'll probably hear about it soon, well see ya!"

The last was directed at Mack and Quinn gave him her nicest smile and rather enjoyed doing it in front of Daria, daring her to call her out on it.

"Let's see if the hussy will take my bait!" Quinn thought with glee.

She did not.

Instead Daria kept her face very masklike and waited until Quinn had left and shut the door behind her before she let her emotions show a little.

"I can't stand that little bitch!" Daria muttered to herself before remembering that Mack was still in the room.

Mack for his part did the gentlemanly thing and pretended that he hadn't heard a thing and worked with Daria to finish off the maze, due to the circumstances he didn't stick around for idle chit chat afterward, but he did ask Daria if she was ok.

"I'll be fine Mack," Daria answered kindly once they were outside and Mack was waiting for his ride home, "It's nothing that I can't handle."

He gave her an appropriate response as Kevin's jeep pulled up and Mack climbed in, and almost said, "Don't call me that!" to Kevin before he realized that Kev had called him 'Mack Dynamite' and not 'Mack Daddy'.

"Sorry man," Mack offered up as they pulled away, "I'm still adjusting."

"No sweat man!" Kevin answered and after a couple second promptly forgot all about it and turned on the radio.

But as the music played Mack used the time to do a mental comparison between Quinn and Daria and while he wished he knew Quinn's side of the story, so far everything Daria had said about her hated younger sister seemed to be true.

"Vapid, shallow, self-absorbed, extremely cute but not in her sister's league at all," Mack thought to himself having seen right through Quinn's attempt at seduction, "I wonder what she wanted since I'm pretty sure that no one's slept with her yet."

He pondered the notion that Quinn had honestly believed that she could have taken him for herself, and laughed at it.

"Between Jodie and Daria I've been ruined for the 'plain old cute ones'." Mack thought to himself with amusement.

* * *

Daria in the meanwhile had gone up to her room and turned on some music, her homework long finished but she turned on her compute to do something else.

She pulled up the files and began to type out ideas for the third Melody Powers story, "I wonder what thrilling erotic action fueled adventures my Melody should have this week?" Daria said to herself as she put her brain into overdrive.

The first story, which she had read out loud at the coffee shop had been a huge hit, and had caused a riot that had forced the school to shut down the coffee shop, which had been her goal all along.

But 'The Erotic Adventures of Melody Powers' had proven to be too good an idea to let go of, so she had created a sequel, which had yet to see the light of day and now.

"Onto number three." Daria said to herself as a structure slowly developed involving Solomon's Mine's, a lost magical artifact that couldn't be allowed in enemy hands, and a secret occult group that was descended from the Thule.

Even while she was doing this, Daria wondered a little bit about what Quinn was planning to do to save the Fashion Club but wasn't particularly worried.

"Whatever it is I can crush it," Daria thought with confidence before dismissing the notion for another day.

At the moment she had bigger fish to fry, and so did Melody.

* * *

The next morning, Daria didn't even bother going down for breakfast but instead headed straight out the door and waited outside for her ride, which she had called ahead the night before and asked to arrive early so they could snag some breakfast from McDonald's before school.

It was a good excuse as any to avoid dealing with the fallout from her parent's fight.

"Which I instigated for good reason." Daria reminded herself as Skylar's car pulled up in front of the house and she bounded to it with a stride that bordered on a jog.

Once they were on their way, Skylar beamed like the morning sun outside and gave her a small giftwrapped box.

"What's this?" Daria asked with a sly grin as she ripped at the paper.

"Oh my!" She breathed with her mouth popped wide open with surprise once she had it unwrapped.

It was a brand new cellphone and a bill for six months of service that was already paid in full.

"You like it?" Skylar asked as they pulled up at the drive through.

"I love it!" Daria squealed with delight and kissed him on the cheek as they got to their turn and Skylar placed their order for pancakes, hash browns, and coffee.

"I hope so it cost me a bundle," Skylar teased as he drove up to the window and got their food and drove away after paying up.

As they headed on to the school a bit early while eating their food Skylar commented, "The reason I got you the phone, I mean besides the fact that you're my number one girl, is because I can't get through at your house anymore for some reason."

He then asked if her mother had some big legal case she was working on.

"Probably," Daria said airily as they pulled up at Lawndale and Skylar got a good parking spot, but they didn't get out since they were very early, so they just kept eating in the car, "But Quinn's the one burning up the line, she's grounded and running the Fashion Club at the same time, so..."

"Don't bother with the landline, gotcha!" Skylar replied and they both laughed even while polishing off breakfast.

* * *

Quinn took pride of place as she lead the Fashion Club through the halls of Lawndale, showcasing the latest teen fashions of course, and setting a _proper _example for the others.

Since they were all dressing so… Slutty.

"It's because of Daria." Quinn thought to herself with disgust but then reminded herself of her little brainstorm that would change all of that, and save the FC from being axed by Ms. Li.

"So what's the plan President Quinn?" Tori asked from her left since she was now the Vice President of the Fashion Club.

Quinn smiled beautifully at that, "Well I was thinking that to show Ms. Li what we do for the school, we should do what we always do, give out fashion advice… But offer it up as a free newsletter!"

"Hey yeah!" Stacy squealed in servile obedience.

"Coooool…" Tiffany drawled.

"That's a great idea Quinn!" Siobhan added while secretly wishing she could do her hair up like she used too, but the bylaws of the Fashion Club wouldn't let her.

"It sounds like work…" Tori began but was forced to go with the group and added, "But if it helps us survive Principal Hitler, then I'm in!"

"Great!" Quinn said very hopefully, having been worried about a fight, "We'll discuss what to write about when we all have study hall later and then at lunch we'll eat fast and type it up in the computer lab."

Everyone in the Fashion Club agreed with this and Quinn truly felt in her element, she was large, in charge, and saving the last bastion of _true popularity _from destruction.

"Cus the alternative is… ugh!" Quinn mentally shuddered at the memories from Highland Middle School when she and Daria were there together and she had… she had.

It didn't bear thinking about.

* * *

Daria was walking through the halls with Skylar, and accompanied by Scarlett and Ronnie, the latter three were chatting about the upcoming Roller Hockey game.

Or more specifically their bets on what fate Mr. DeMartino would suffer.

"I've got him suffering a stroke in the first quarter." Skylar boasted happily, feeling sure that Mr. D was in even worse shape than last year and wouldn't last as long.

"I'm giving him some hope," Ronnie replied with a competitive streak, "He'll make it until half-time and once he stops moving he'll croak."

Scarlett giggled and mentioned that she and Andrea had the same bet, "So when we're dancing it up and cheering together boys don't feel bad about it." She added with a smirk.

Daria would have thrown in her two cents but the devil himself came towards them with darting eyes, not wanting to be spotted, and wound up drawing more attention than before.

"What's up Mr. D?" She asked sweetly, holding back the charm a bit since he was one of the few teachers here that had her respect.

He made some general comments about her schoolwork and then slipped her a note and walked away.

"Hmm…" Daria breathed as she read it and then giggled.

"Oh god!" She said in between fits of laughter and when everyone asked her what it was about she handed it to the nearest person, Scarlett, and went back to laughing.

"Ms. Morgendorffer," Scarlett read aloud quietly to the other two, "I need a small favor of you, could you sit in a prominent place during the Roller Hockey game and use your charms to distract the other team?"

Ronnie and Skylar both busted up laughing.

"Wow this is rich!" Ronnie said while hanging onto Skylar for support as he heaved in deep breaths in between laughs right along with him.

"I know!" Skylar added and then he looked at Daria and began to ask, "So are you going to…?"

"Oh yeah." Daria replied with confidence, "Anything for the cool teacher."

While the guys praised her, Scarlett decided to reexamine her bet since this might cause Mr. DeMartino to actually _win _this time.

* * *

Even while working to ensure the survival of the Fashion Club, Quinn still made time to bump into Mack when he wasn't around Jodie, which took some doing but she had gotten her hands on his schedule so she knew when she could get away with it.

For some reason he seemed… Immune to her charms.

"I mean I know that he and Jodie made out with… _her_!" Quinn thought to herself after plying on her own talents a bit thick before walking away oh so beautifully for him.

"But from what Daria said they didn't actually go all the way… Right? _Right?!_"

She also observed Mack with Jodie and picked up on some stuff that while they were making a big show about being together that there was an emotional distance between them.

"If they're not breaking up within a week or two I'd be surprised." Quinn thought to herself before jotting down an idea for the right shades of pink in the newsletter.

A little bit later when she was headed down to her Math class she really did accidently come across Mack and Jodie and saw something that really surprised her, they were talking to Charles Ruttheimer III.

Quinn stopped nearby and pretended to check her makeup and listened in.

"…So we're going to do positive reinforcement," Charles said to Mack who then mentioned what he and Daria would be doing.

"I have to admit that I'm enjoying this assignment," Jodie added, "Normally I have to ignore Barch's man-hating rants to get anything out of her classes but this go around…"

Mack tried to go with the flow but even Quinn knew that he was on Barch's shitlist and was her number one target for verbal violence.

Quinn observed them until the three of them went in their separate directions but a couple images replayed in her mind a bit.

One was of Charles himself, now that he wasn't so sleazy and she had really seen him acting decent over the last few weeks, he had filled out and was in preppy clothes and he was turning into, well…

"A catch!" Quinn thought with surprise.

Another was of the lingering stare that Jodie had given Charles when he had walked away.

"Less than a week before the breakup." Quinn said to herself before having to rush to get to class on time.

* * *

"Thanks for letting me know," Daria said to Heidi, "I owe you one."

The other girl beamed at that before Daria then fulfilled her end of the bargain, by dishing out advice on how to land that cute guy from Oakwood that she had always had a crush on.

After the freshman scampered off, Daria sighed with relief and then remembered who she had to talk too next and grumbled.

"No choice," Daria muttered before getting comfortable in a chair in the unused classroom and only had to wait a minute before the door opened again.

"Hello Tori," Daria said politely.

Tori Jericho nodded, her blond hair bouncing as she did it, and Daria couldn't help but wish that the girl had a better personality.

"Otherwise she'd be wonderful." Daria thought as they exchanged some pleasantries and got down to business.

"Tori," Daria said as they opened the floor, "There's one thing that I know about fashion and that you can be _in_ one season and _out_ the next, you're current President, Quinn… Is clearly on the way out."

Tori said nothing in reply, but she did seem intrigued.

"I've noticed that she's been having a very difficult time in running your little Club and a little birdy told me about Ms. Li dropping the hammer."

"Yeah," Tori replied, "But we're working on a solution."

"This newsletter," Daria cut right in and enjoyed seeing the blonde's eyes widen with surprise, "I am aware of that, but I know Quinn better than anyone else, she'll screw it up and that will be a wrap for the Fashion Club."

"Buhbutbuthbuh…" Tori stuttered, but Daria cut her off again.

"But that doesn't mean that you have to go down with the ship."

That shut her right up and with a dawning of hope in her eyes, Tori whispered, "How?"

Daria smiled oh so prettily and replied while sliding a piece of paper towards her, "Just do these little things for me and when it all goes down… I'll pull you out of the fire."

Tori read over what Daria had written very carefully before looking back up and said, "Deal!" without any hesitation.

Daria's smile stayed in place as she thought, "Now we have momentum."

But the instant Tori left, Daria shuddered and muttered, "I need a shower."

Because she felt dirty for all the wrong reasons.

* * *

"And it was soooo nice of that nerdy teacher to let us use the computer lab for this." Stacy cheered merrily from Quinn's side as they typed out everything they had come up with for their newsletter, they still needed a name for it but Stacy felt confident that they could come up with a cool one.

"I know!" Quinn replied as she typed away and wished they could trust a boy to do it for them.

"But it's too important!" Quinn reminded herself as she made sure not to press down with a nail lest she risk breaking it.

Tiffany drawled some sycophantic words, while Siobhan showed them the latest fashions from Waif and Val and compared them to the predictions from that website Stacy had found, .

"It was so sweet of Brooke to show it too me!" Stacy thought to herself, "And she even said I could take all the credit for it too."

Meanwhile in a different part of the school, Brooke was chatting with Jackie and Jane and asked them why Daria would want her to give Stacy a helping hand with the fashion newsletter.

Jane laughed wickedly, "I highly doubt that Daria wanted to _help _them at all."

"Huh?"

Jackie grinned since she had looked at the website earlier and then looked over her shoulder before whispering to Brooke, "She's setting them up for a massive failure."

"Oh…. Oh!" Brooke breathed before grinning evilly herself.

"This is going to be fun to watch." Brooke said with glee and the other two girls agreed with her, but alas they had to part ways for their next classes, none of them were in the same grade, which was a bummer but it couldn't be helped.

* * *

Sandi sat down in the stall of the bathroom and sighed with relief, a few moments of quiet, away from everybody else was a good thing.

At home she maintained a mask of still being popular even without the Fashion Club, making sure that she wore the latest stuff and right makeup when coming home and leaving the house, but when at school she didn't expend the effort needed to maintain it.

There wasn't a point since everything would be ruined by one person or another and it took too much effort to reapply everything over and over again.

Being popular, loved, envied, feared, and above all else respected, all of it was down the toilet, right where she was now.

Sandi pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and felt like weeping at the sight of the growing collection of cuts, but she took out a pair of nail clippers and flicked out the little knife and clenched her teeth to suppress the sounds as she pressed the pointy end on a fresh piece of flesh and began to drag it down.

She turned her face away so she couldn't see the damage, but even as she did it, she started to feel better.

After the first cut, she forced herself to take the knife away and wished once again that she hadn't broken that nail polish bottle and cut herself on the glass after that first horrible day back to school.

"But I did," Sandi thought to herself as her right hand moved the clippers back into place and began to cut away again, "And the pain of it felt like… relief."

She hadn't understood why it had felt that way, but she had found that feeling to be addicting and after a couple days of pure hell had found herself doing it deliberately.

Sandi forced herself to look at her arm and started crying again, it looked like a chopped up turkey leg.

"Why am I doing this?" she asked herself again even as the little knife touched her skin again.

She knew the answer as the third cut was made, she just didn't want to admit it.

She needed relief from being at the bottom of the popularity totem pole, and this… was giving her that relief.

Even as she made more cuts on her arm, the tears and blood flowed freely from her, she felt total release from her worries and cares.

Until she was finished and she looked at her arm again, but all she had to do was wash it up, roll up the sleeve and go her merry way.

Until she had to do it again.

* * *

Math class was the equivalent of water boarding for Jane Lane and getting out of that class was always a good feeling.

She went to her locker in a rush, not seeing the other person in her way as she rounded the corner until it was too late.

"Ouch!"

"Ahh!"

Jane managed to stay on her feet while the other guy wasn't so lucky since she had sent him flying to the ground, ignoring the laughs of the others she apologized profusely while helping the kid to his feet.

Then she noticed who he was and muttered a very faint, "Sorry Charlie."

Charles Ruttheimer III for his part dusted himself off while getting his books and replied, "Its ok Jane, I should have been paying more attention."

"No I'm the one that screwed up." Jane replied quietly and felt unusually flustered while fidgeting.

Charles shuffled his feet and struggled for something to say.

"Well… gotta go." Jane said while not quite able to reach his eyes.

"Bye." Charles replied as she ran off again and stared at her retreating figure even after she was out of sight.

This left him vulnerable to being pounced on by Joey.

"Gotcha!" he said after sneaking up on him and pulling him around into a bro-hug, then laughed at his surprise.

The other two J's came up with big grins, and everyone said hey to each other.

"So I saw you with Burnout again…" Charles said to Jeffy once they got to talking while heading to their lockers.

"Yup," Jeffy replied with a big grin on his face, "We've been talking and… I think we're gonna try to go steady for a while."

"Cool." Charles and Jamie said in unison.

"What about you Joey?" Jeffy asked, "I heard that you and Slutty Girl…"

Joey let a big shit eating grin emerge and replied, "Yup."

"No way!"

"Way," Joey replied with pride, "Me and Jackie went to the old quarry for some backseat fun, then we got some late night tacos and beer."

Everyone else looked confused so he clarified, "That's Slutty Girl's real name."

"Ohhh." They breathed, which made Joey fall into a fit of silent giggles.

"What about you Jamie?" Joey asked his blond haired friend.

"I would have asked Quinn out," he admitted, "But she's apparently a bad date, which is sad because she's so beautiful… I couldn't think of anyone else to ask so I just stayed home and played video games."

The J's and Charles gave him words of sympathy and when Charles was asked about his night he told them the truth.

"I was working on Barch's science project with Jodie, she's my lab partner." He clarified when the J's gave him confused looks.

"Oh." Jeffy said flatly.

"Well…" Joey began nervously, "As long as you don't steal Mack's girl from him then its cool."

"What do you mean by that?" Charles asked while playing with the string of his blue hoodie.

"Well Mack is really cool," Jamie answered for him, "And the captain of the team so if you did something not cool like steal his girl it would… well…"

"Suck." Jeffy said for him and the others went, "Yeah."

"I'm not going to do that," Charles answered firmly, "Besides… I don't even think the girls see me like that anymore."

Then he had to ask why they were all snickering and grinning but they brushed it off dismissively.

Once Charles stopped at his locker, the J's were forced to keep going since theirs were not there.

"How can he not see it?" Jeffy asked his friends once they were out of earshot.

Joey shrugged while Jamie said, "Well he was very slimy for a while so it's like… Now that's his improved he still thinks that no one wants him."

"But there are so many girls that are looking at him with, like, interest!" Jeffy protested.

"Yeah…" Jamie replied, "But he hasn't picked up on it yet."

"Hmm…" Joey breathed, "Maybe if we set him up on a date, then he'd realize that the girls are getting interested in him."

"…That could work." Jeffy said after thinking it over, "But who?"

That required some thought, which even with their improving mental capacities was giving them all headaches.

So they went to someone that they knew could do the hard thinking for them.

* * *

They found Daria hanging out with Brooke and Skylar, and surrounded by an impressive group of admirer's, so it took some effort to get her attention, but once they did and laid out their idea for her, she laughed.

That laugh and smile lit up the room and had all the guys, and some of the girls, panting.

"Oh I think I know the _perfect _girl for Charlie to take out on the town." Daria said with a grin that was for some reason extremely wicked.

Brooke added with her own grin, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think I am Brooke." Daria replied and they both looked at each other before busting up with more giggles.

The J's and Skylar were very confused by this, but as long as Daria was happy then it was ok in their books.

* * *

After school had ended, Skylar had taken Daria home and had been intrigued when he noticed she was reading a copy of the Fashion Club's new newsletters.

"I thought you didn't like those girls." He had said to her as they pulled up in front of her house.

"I don't." Daria replied flatly, "But this thing is a bucket of laughs, or rather it will be when Quinn gets the next issue of Waif tomorrow."

Skylar scratched his head at that but was forced to dismiss it, "It's chick stuff," he thought to himself, "Best not to get in the middle."

Instead they made out in his car for a few minutes before Daria had to go in and wait for Mack to show up so they could train their mouse.

Her mother arrived about half-an hour later with legal briefs spilling everywhere and Daria sighed since she had been expected her mother not to be home so early and had been doing her homework in the living room.

She started to gather her things to retreat to her room but her mother called out to her in an unusually flat voice, "Daria, can you wait? I need to talk to you?"

Daria turned around to face Helen, who for once wasn't hostile but seemed… sad.

"Yes?" Daria asked without any emotion in her voice.

Helen stood in front of her, her eyes a tad downcast and she said, "About last night… I… I need to assure you of something, I am not having nor will I ever have an affair on your father."

Daria rolled her hips and would have folded her arms across her ample chest if the books in her hands would have allowed for it.

"Though I do understand if some of the hours and calls that I've been taking would make it _appear_ if…" Helen then trailed off, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to say.

Daria wetted her lips and said very flatly, "It's more than how it appears Mother, I know how human nature works and… If you're not having an affair with Eric now, you soon will be."

"Daria…" Helen began to respond before she was cut off by the unreadable expression on her eldest child's face.

"Dad doesn't deserve that," Daria said very calmly, "So either cut back on 'boss time' or at least give Dad a clean break now before you stab him in the back like that."

Daria then turned her back on Helen and headed upstairs but called out, "I'm going work on my homework, Mack will be here shortly so we can train the mouse, I'll let him in, he'll be staying for dinner but I'll take care of it."

Once Daria was out of sight and up the stairs, Helen went into the living room and sat down on the couch, emotionally numb and she stared at the blank TV screen for a long time.

* * *

Daria stroked the soft fur of the white rat as part of Positive reinforcement and glanced up at Mack, not realizing how sultry her gaze was.

He gulped and asked as calmly as he could, "So… The little guy is taking well to it, the reinforcement I mean."

"Yeah…" Daria breathed as she put the rat back at the start of the maze, the cheese on the other end and let him in again, "The last time was quicker than the others."

"Yeah…" Mack drawled, even as he eyes drank in Daria bent over the table and it took every inch of his will not to slide on over and grind himself into her backside.

He pulled his eyes away and looked at the mouse as it ran through the maze, going very quickly through the right paths.

"The little guy is light on his feet." Mack observed, not noticing how sexy and husky his voice was.

Daria ran her teeth over her lips and checked the clock as the mouse reached the end of the maze, "Yeah, he beat his last record."

She scooped him up and fed the mouse a hunk of cheese and petted it before putting it back in the cage.

Daria then glanced at Mack and hoped that he didn't see that she was a quivering mass of hormones and asked as nicely as she could, "Wanna take a break? I'll whip up some salad, trust me it's better than my Dad's cooking, or Mom's frozen lasagna."

"Sounds good." Mack replied honestly, feeling acutely hungry.

Just not for food.

They went to the inside door of the garage and as soon as Daria opened the door, they saw a swish of red hair from a corner.

"Why is she snooping?" Mack wondered aloud before getting a look at Daria and hoped he hadn't just made a mistake.

"Reasons I'm sure," Daria said very flatly as she glared at the corner before she glanced at Mack and said much more sweetly, "So… Food?"

"Cool." Mack drawled and followed Daria to the kitchen and sat down an enjoyed watching her scurry around and noticed how adept she was at putting food together like that.

As she sat the bowl down in front of him and helped herself to some of her creation he asked, "How often do you do this?"

Daria put some ranch dressing on her salad and replied without looking up, "Almost every single night."

Mack felt a pang of sorrow at that, able to put two and two together and replied, "I have to cook a lot at home, since my parents work so much, if you want I could show you how to make some stuff."

Daria looked up at him and smiled, "I… I'd like that."

When the rest of the Morgendorffer's arrived in the kitchen for Helen's frozen lasagna they were greeted by the sight of Mack and Daria in the kitchen, laughing and putting together the finishing touches to a chicken dinner to go with the big bowl of salad on the table.

"Daria…" Jake spoke up first, "Did you guys…" He couldn't finish the sentence, not sure where this was going to go.

Both Mack and Daria looked at the three very shocked faces and laughed like hyenas and it took a few minutes to calm them down.

"We got dinner ready." Daria managed to wheeze, "Help yourselves, there's plenty for all."

With trepidation the rest of the family sat down to chicken and salad and discovering something surprising.

That it was the best meal they had eaten at home together in years.

* * *

It had taken another day to get the mouse properly trained but by the time Ms. Barch had everyone make their presentations, Daria felt very confident in her and Mack's work.

So they found themselves waiting to be called up to show everyone their hard work, first up had been Kevin and Brittany and it had been _hysterical _to see them admit that they had spent their time making out and their mouse had wound up in her brother's hands, the results of which were curled up in a ball in a box covered in its own filth, not responding to anything at all.

They both got F's, and Daria noted that Barch seemed to relish flunking Brittany as much as Kevin and concluded that her ex-husband probably left her for a bouncy cheerleader-type.

Then it had been Jodie and Charles in the hotseat, and to no one's surprise, Barch wouldn't even let him speak, which forced Jodie to give the presentation, granted she had to borrow his cue-cards but she did it with style and got an A.

Charles got a D.

Daria winced at that just before she and Mack were called up and swallowed the bile in her mouth and offered her presentation on positive reinforcement, and mixed in a couple pro-feminist slogans into the mix to keep Janet interested.

Oddly enough after she was finished, Mack was given a C and she got an A+.

Mack had given her a look that said, 'Don't say anything' when she had begun to open her mouth to speak up for him.

At their desks while another pair began their presentation, Daria hissed at him, "Why aren't you fighting this?"

Mack whispered right back, sitting next to her, "Two reasons, one is that Ms. Li will wind up changing it anyway."

Daria gritted her teeth at the thought of the byes, but in this case she'd let it slide since it was for a good cause.

"And the other is that Ms. Barch scares me."

Daria grinned at that, "You're a wise man Mack Dynamite."

On Mack's other side, Jodie was listening in, noting that nothing untoward was being spoken but still feeling a knot of worry growing in her belly.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Daria whispered, "We need to get her laid, pronto!"

Mack chuckled, "Good luck with that."

* * *

It was so surreal to be a complete social pariah, or at least that's what Sandi thought as she walked through the crowded halls, alone among the masses.

She grimaced when she stepped on something that wasn't the floor and noticed that it was a copy of the Fashion Club's newsletter.

Her glances turned by instinct to a gaggle of popular girls strutting nearby, wearing the fashions promoted by the newsletter, a supposed sneak-peak of what would be hot even before the next issue of Waif had come out.

"I wonder if it's, like true." Sandi thought to herself once more as she walked on, glad that she had least stopped crying whenever she saw her former frenemies being popular and happy and not in the outer darkness of loserdom like her.

Sandi felt her fists clench, the stress of thinking about her situation was getting to her again, she hated what was coming next but knew that she would be drawn to do it anyway.

In her pocket, a brand new pocket knife waited to taste fresh flesh.

"I've got to find a better way to handle this place." Sandi thought to herself again as she headed by instinct for the bathroom, the privacy of a stall would let her take care of the tic she was feeling.

For now.

* * *

Life should have been perfect for her as she lead the Fashion Club down the halls, wearing _her _predictions for fashion in the next season and stuff.

Quinn maintained the facade of happiness even while her puny brain could only focus on the flaws that were marring the situation.

A sudden massive wave of nasty rumors had emerged about her a few hours after she had personally overseen the distribution of the newsletter, no doubt her enemies were jealous, and she thought she spotted Sandi heading for the bathroom again.

"No doubt that Queen Loser was behind it." Quinn thought to herself firmly, even while she remembered what she had overheard Tori telling Siobhan.

"There is _no way _that Stacy is behind all this nastiness." Quinn reminded herself, "Why would she do that? There's no motive and she did help us with that website, all those tips and predictions wouldn't have been half as good without her."

Quinn even recalled that Stacy had let her take all the credit for the Fashion Forecast, "Which was so sweet of her," the President of the Fashion Club thought to herself.

"Stacy's a true friend, she'd never betray me like that."

Meanwhile, at her side, the Vice President of the Fashion Club wondered just how big the scandal would be and hoped that Daria would uphold her end of the bargain.

* * *

Daria looked at her reflection and was satisfied with the results before slipping into a large and heavy trench coat.

"Ugly and brown," She thought to herself while dabbing on her rose scented perfume, "The perfect means to go around unnoticed until it's time."

It wouldn't do to leave the house and cause a riot before the Roller Hockey game, or risk not being let out at all.

She checked the time and grabbed her purse, when she opened the door she saw Quinn slipping down the stairs all dressed up, she raised an eyebrow at her sister's brazen abandonment of her 'grounded' status.

"Oh wait," Daria suddenly recalled, "Dad's away at a last-minute meeting and Mom was slammed with some case so if they're not here and I'm leaving anyway…"

For a moment Daria contemplated a means to use this against her, then she shrugged and headed on downstairs herself, Quinn having already gone out the front door.

She had sometime so before going outside to wait for her ride, Daria slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a banana, on top of the garbage was the latest issue of Waif, which had been in the mail when they had gotten home.

Daria's evil grin at the anorexic model on the cover, which was covered in potato peelings, was horrible to behold.

"All of her predictions were wrong," Daria said to herself flatly as she exited the kitchen and left the house, "Just as I wanted."

As Daria headed to wait at the curb for Skylar to mosey on down, the only thoughts on Daria's mind were of how much fun it was going to be causing chaos, making Quinn miserable, and…

"Giving two emotionally disconnected people the right connections." Daria said to herself as she saw a familiar set of headlights headed her way.

"Time to play." Daria thought to herself, anxious to get the show on the road.

* * *

Charles rang the doorbell and felt Jamie's hands on his face as he removed the blindfold, he heard a front door open as his sight was returned to him.

And then the sight he beheld turned his legs into jelly.

Jane Lane stood in front of him, flabbergasted, in her usual clothes, her eyes wide with shock.

"Uh… Hi!" Charles squeaked nervously before remembering that he had a small bouquet of wild flowers in his hands.

She took them limply and said very hesitantly, "I guess you're my blind date… right?"

"Uh… Yeah!"

They stared at everything but each other, and shuffled their feet.

A car horn shocked them back to reality and Charles stammered a bit while saying, "So we go to the game together and then get a pizza?"

Jane latched onto what she knew, since everything else was currently in free fall and found herself replying… "Uh… sure."

Very nervously, Charles offered her his hand.

She stared at it for a long moment and he started to withdraw it, scared that he had already screwed up.

Then with fierce determination, she snatched it and they both wondered why the other one was smiling as he led her to his ride, Jamie already in the back with his date for the night.

Neither one realized that they were perfect smiling mirrors of each other.

* * *

Anthony DeMartino sat on a bench in the locker room that they had commandeered for the teacher's use for the Roller Hockey game against those… those…

"BAStards!" DeMartino thought to himself with rage at the memory of his near-death experience and humiliation at the hands of that fat sack of crap, Rock N Roll Randy.

"Not THIS YEar!" Mr. D thought as Gibson gave them the standard pep speech.

"I HOPE that the GENTS in this ROom, reMEMbered to… EVACuate themselves prior to THIS!" Antonty contemplated, having warned them of his little scheme with Daria to distract the other team.

But she was a double edged sword and could be just as distracting to themselves as no doubt she would be to the DJ's.

"So a little BIShop choking was… REquired." He justified to himself, his manhood lighter and hopefully rendered unable to respond to Ms. Morgendorffer's magnificent charms.

It was difficult enough under normal circumstances to be professional around her, let alone when she was actively trying to seduce someone.

A wiggle in his pants was a sign that maybe he wasn't as properly taken care of as he thought he was.

"Damn!" He hissed to himself and then gave the ones that looked at him an ugly glare and a bark of "WHAT?!"

That ended the stares at his random outburst.

* * *

Daria was ecstatic as she sat down in her reserved seat on the ground row, in a prominent spot where the players wouldn't fail to look, to her right was her main squeeze, Skylar, and to her left, as per her devil's bargain, Tori Jericho.

However the bargain had come with perks, a last minute request to Ms. Jericho was now in a bag at Daria's feet, she looked in it and grinned and looked at Tori and said with complete honesty, "You have the coolest stuff!"

"I know Lady D," Tori replied with sincerity, always one to lap up a compliment, "My parent's rock!"

"How much longer?" Scarlett asked from behind them as she sat down with Ronnie at her side.

"In a few minutes," Skylar answered and then glanced at Daria who grinned at him with mischief in her eyes, "Uh what exactly are you wearing underneath that trench coat?"

"You'll see." Daria answered cryptically.

Then they were distracted by the new arrivals, Brooke, Jamie, Jane, and…

"Hey Charlie!" Daria said with glee and waved at Jane's surprise date and he waved back, his face still had the stunned look from earlier plastered all over it.

The new arrivals took their seats around Daria, and unwitting added to the grandeur of her court, Jackie was the late arrival who had Joey on her arm, and for a moment Daria wondered if Jackie was going steady with him.

She looked around and noticed the dejected and defeating remnants of the Fashion Club on the other side of the gym and then amended it as the _Former Fashion Club._

"Because they are toast!" Daria thought with a wicked smile on her face at the memory of what had transpired out in the parking lot the instant Quinn had arrived.

As soon as Miss Priss had shown her face with her minions, they were mobbed by angry girls who had bought into those fashion predictions of theirs, demands for answers, refunds, retributions, and threats of violence had bloomed like desert flowers.

Then like clockwork, the Fashion Club had turned inward on itself, Tori in the meanwhile had arrived just when this had started and had made a discreet beeline for Daria who had been watching with Skylar, leaning on his car.

Daria gave her the nod of approval and let her join them and watched the fireworks together.

Quinn had, as Daria had hoped started to yell at Stacy about the Fashion Leaks website, Stacy for her part completely broke down into tears and had fled the scene sobbing, and made Quinn look even worse.

Just in time for Ms. Li to arrive screaming bloody murder and using the twin threats of suspensions, detensions, esteem class, and general nastiness had gotten the warring girls to break it up and go into the gym.

But the FCers were forced to stay behind for an impromptu tongue lashing from the Principal and then Li had smiled like a Wicked Witch and dropped the hammer and saved herself 1500 dollars in the process.

She had declared the schools support of the Club to be DOA and ended its role as an official extracurricular.

The memory of Quinn screaming in pure horror and running away in tears just like Stacy had been music to Daria's ears.

Then she was brought back to reality by the dimming of the lights in the gym, a predatory gleam in her eyes was not seen by anyone, but any who had would have flinched.

"It's Showtime." Daria whispered to herself as she shimmied out of the trench coat and moved quickly, she grabbed the contents of the bag and stuffed the trench coat into it and put on the soft coat that Tori had brought her, the feel and the smell was fabulous and would, hopefully compliment what she was wearing.

The sound and light people did their thing as the DJ's came out on skates and lapped up the boo's, then the teachers came out on skates to cheers and laughs.

The ref skated up to DeMartino and the man that Daria had heard was Rock N' Roll Randy, a fat balding middle aged man who she had been told suffered from delusions of grandeur.

The ref asked for a clean game, and everyone laughed, even the players.

The lights came on and after a second there was a collective gasp from the other side of the gym and finger pointing, which caused _everyone present _to follow their lines of sight and then gasped as well.

Daria was sitting serenely on the gym bench, her heart-shaped glasses dancing on the edge of her nose, her eyes teasingly sweet, her outfit anything but.

She was wearing a very thin gold micro bikini that was kept from being obscene by the small real white mink waist coat she had on in such a way that it covered some things up while revealing others, her white sandals tapped on the hardwood floor merrily and she giggled and said, "What? It's time to play boys!"

The male players, and some of the girls too, shook themselves out of their stupors and gave war cries that would have made Vikings proud and the ref blew his whistle and dropped the puck and fled for dear life.

The battle was on.

* * *

"Oh my!" Daria gasped at the arresting sight in front of her, one of the DJ's had been slammed into the floor by Bennett who cackled madly with glee, two DJ's were taking on Gibson who was roaring in protests even as he went down, but even the sight of Barch and Li making a DJ hit himself with his own fists couldn't top the grudge match between DeMartino and Randy.

"BRING IT ON!" DeMartino roared with his eye firmly bulged out as he and Randy circled each other around the puck, "Take your BEATDOWN … like a MAN!"

"I'm not the Man dude!" Randy came right back, "I'm a _rocker!"_

Mr. D took the opening and swiped the puck and moved like a madman down towards the enemy goalie while roaring, "Where your ROCKpower NOW?! AHAHAHAHA….WHAHHHH!"

The whaaa came about when one of Randy's friends 'accidently' powerbombed DeMartino and sent him crashing to the ground.

Some of the students cheered and Daria guessed what their bets were, then they cursed when he rose like Frankenstein's monster.

However this had given Randy a shot at the puck and had stolen it, the Ref had been knocked out a few minutes before and was being tended too by DeFoe in a corner.

"The Rock LIVES!" Randy cheered as he came within sight of the teacher's goalpost… and within sight of Daria.

She had taken out a giant red sucker and was tonging it oh so slowly, her red tongue the same color as the candy confection that was being licked and teased oh so sensuously…

"OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH…." Randy moaned as he instinctively moved on towards Daria… and into a trap.

"YOU FILTHY MAN!" Ms. Barch bellowed as she plowed Randy from the side, "IT'S TIME FOR REVENGE!"

Randy's screams of terror added to the bloodlust of the crowd as Janet Barch showed everyone the fruit of her practice sessions with the Resuscitation dummy.

"Wow!" Tori exclaimed next to Daria, "Is he going to die?"

"Not sure," Daria conceded, "Depends on when the cops get here."

Ms. Li might have stopped this, if for nothing else the liability issues, but she was too busy tackling another DJ and making sure that he _stayed_ down.

Then a massive roar of triumph brought _everything to a screeching halt._

"I MOTHER FUCKING WON!" Ms. Bennett yelled in very un-Bennett fashion at the enemy goal post, the goalie cursing and the puck was _in!_

Even though the only people who had put a bet that the teachers would win were Daria and her friends (and Andrea who had overheard them talking about it before the game and had changed her bet), the entire gym erupted into cheers and Bennett basked in a level of acceptance and adulation that she had never believed would be hers.

Then the gym doors busted wide open and a swarm of SWAT teams swept into the gym of LHS with automatic weapons primed for action.

The match was over.

* * *

It had taken a couple hours to sort through the mess but in the end the students were allowed out of the gym while Ms. Li was last seen henpecked and waiting for her lawyer to arrive, surrounded by Lawndale County's finest.

People left feeling buzzed and very happy with the results, especially Daria and the Gang, and in the midst of the excitement, a hyper Tori asked Daria, "What now?!"

Daria glanced at Jane and they both smiled and nodded, "Party at Jane's!"

The cheers of approval at this from their friends was enough to sway Tori to the cause, cus even stuck up popular girls loved to party.

* * *

Daria used her cellphone to leave a message on her parents answering machine that she would be staying at Jane's that night.

Then after putting off the rents, she put them out of her thoughts, shimmied back into her regular stuff, and had turned to the task of putting together a killer party at the last possible minute.

Trent and Jesse (who were passed out on the couch) were roused and sent to the liquor store for booze (with one of the J's to make sure they didn't pass out again), the corner store for snacks, and the regular store for a fuckton of plastic cups.

Trent made a few calls on a payphone to his friends, then they came back in short order, just in time and the party was on like Donkey Kong.

The party for 'just friends' grew when Trent's friends had arrived, they were older than the high school kids, besides Nick and Max there were a few others who had gone to school with Trent and were either in college or held down jobs.

But hey, a party's a party.

And now as Robert danced with a preppy girl from Lawndale State, Tori was showing some impressive dance moves to a stunned and amazed Jamie who looked enamored, Brooke had sniffed at this and had stalked off.

Ronnie and Scarlett were doing body shots, and Scarlett had a stunning body under her baggy clothes.

Jackie had vanished with Joey and a bottle of Wild Turkey and no one expected to see them the rest of the night.

Trent for his part was dancing with a raven haired girl with piercings that, when Daria asked around was named Monique.

She hated the bitch instantly and couldn't explain why.

However she held her peace, Trent was single and was entitled to have fun, she, Daria was dating and in any case hadn't…

"Don't think about it." She told herself and turned to Skylar and kissed him passionately without any warning, tasting beer on his tongue but didn't mind it a bit.

Jesse for his part had found Brooke sulking in a corner and in his own, fumbling way was trying to make the beautiful girl feel better, which she very much appreciated considering that Jesse was a freaking dream.

"Muscles, leather, sweat… God he's hot!" Brooke thought with a squeal and asked him to dance, Jamie quite forgotten.

Jesse drawled, "Yeah!" and was like a deer in the headlights when Brooke showed inhuman strength when she grabbed his hands and dragged him to the dance floor (i.e. the Lane's living room with the furniture moved to the side).

Then for a horrifying moment the music was interrupted by the dreaded, unspeakable song.

"FULL OF, FULL OF, FULL OF ESTEEM!" Roared the singer of Fetal Metal as they sang their number one hit "Full of Esteem".

A red blur at the stereo system caused the music to change to Gun's & Roses 'Welcome to the Jungle' and everyone cheered, and then realized who had done it.

For a moment all present were floored, and then Jane's voice rose from the crowd, "GO CHARLIE!"

Charles Ruttheimer III had tears in his eyes as he was applauded and cheered by all present and thought to himself, "I… I've been accepted, people accept me! And it was Jane who… who…"

The woman in question came up to him with a big smile and said with a wink, "Wanna see more of my paintings?"

Charles made a small purring sound and replied, "Of course Madam."

And it wasn't sleazy at all.

Daria for her part was hanging on Skylar's arm and he whispered in her ear, "Wind's room again?"

She kissed his cheek and said, "Penny's room, we need to christen all the rooms in this house."

"Yes ma'am!"

* * *

Upstairs in her room, the door firmly shut behind her, Jane felt almost as if she was outside of herself as she swung her arms around a surprised Charles and just… stared at him.

Not knowing that her eyes were big and round and had mesmerized him like a hypnotic trick.

For some reason they realized that the face of the other was getting closer and closer…

Then their lips connected, and Charles tongue touched Jane's and tasted the sweet nectar of her mouth and very quickly he felt hers within his.

Their bodies were entwined against each other for a long time until Jane pulled away and breathed, "Whoa!"

Charles blushed and stammered, "That was amazing!"

He didn't have to admit that was his first kiss, nor his surprise at how good he had found himself to be at it.

Jane smiled sheepishly and replied, "We're not going past first base… But do you want to do that again?"

The kiss that Charles gave her was answer enough.

* * *

"Thanks Skylar…" Daria said with a pounding heat in the light of the rising sun as he dropped her off at her house.

His car sped away and she stumbled towards the door, key in hand, a killer hangover in her head, but since it was Saturday it didn't matter.

She opened the door and began to head on up until she heard her mother yelling from the kitchen, "Daria get in here this instant!"

"Bitch…" Daria murmured to herself and directed her body to the kitchen, her parents were sitting at the table, Dad firmly buried in his paper, Quinn standing off to the side, looking dejected, and Helen had a godfather-esque look to her face.

Daria sat down without a word, facing her mother's glare with a nasty one of her own.

"Where you young lady?!" Helen snapped, opening the preliminaries.

"Jane's," Daria answered, "I left a message on the machine."

"You were supposed to be watching her!" Helen yelled and pointed at Quinn who jumped like she had been shot.

"No I wasn't," Daria answered with a bite, "You never told me to, and I'm not your automatic babysitter, you want Quinn watched? Pay me, pay someone else, or do it yourself."

Helen's face twisted into a snarl, "How dare you! You… You… Hussy!"

Under the influence of a massive headache and the anger at having her good vibes ruined, Daria's beautiful face twisted into a mask of years of repressed rage.

"Fuck you! You uncaring bitch!"

Everyone was shocked, even Daria at the words that had come out of her mouth.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY?!" Helen screamed with froth flying out of her mouth.

"Because it's true," Daria yelled right back, "You've never given a fuck about me and you just insulted me to my face, so I'll say it again, FUCK YOU!"

"I'M YOUR MOTHER!" Helen roared with her face turning red, Jake's head vanished completely under the paper, Quinn was gasping like a fish out of water.

"You have a funny way of showing it!" Daria snapped, "You've favored that… THING!" She pointed at Quinn who jumped again, "Over me for _years! _And when you can be bothered to deal with me, in between calls to your boss, and I suspect your secret lover or soon enough, you have absolutely nothing nice to say and try to run my life like an old Roman Tyrant."

"So… What makes you think I see you as my mother?!" Daria finished, her face red with wrath.

After that speech, the screaming match between Helen and Daria grew worse and worse, reaching very high decibels, and nearly caused the neighbors to call the cops.

At some point that neither of them could remember, they had gotten into each other's face, and then…

SLAP!

Daria was on the ground, holding her face, Helen standing over her horrified as she stared at her hand like it was a foreign object.

Daria slowly rose from the ground without a shake or a sound, she snapped to attention and stared her mother dead in the eye and said without any emotion or inflection.

"It's nice to see that you have some shame left."

Helen flinched and stepped back like she had been hit in turn and began to stammer apologies.

"Save it." Daria said in that flat voice, glared at Quinn who nearly passed out and said, "You can keep them, I don't want them."

She then glared at Jake who was hiding behind his paper and said, "If you want people to think you're not paying attention, turn the goddamn page!"

Without another word she then turned her back on all of them and walked out, ignoring them all as if they didn't even exist, and went up to her room.

An hour later she went down the stairs with a suitcase and left it by the door, grabbed the message pad and taped a note to the fridge telling them she would be living elsewhere for a couple days.

Quinn and her parents had been in their respective bedrooms during this and didn't notice a thing until they heard the front door slam shut.

When they found the note, Jake went white, Helen almost passed out, and Quinn began to shake like a leaf.

"Is she going to come back?!" Quinn whispered to herself, not having any idea how to process all of this.

No one had an answer.

**THE END**

_Notes: Some lines are from 'The Lab Brat' and 'The Big House'._


	5. Sexy Runaway

**Sexy Daria: Sexy Runaway**

From upstairs she could hear them, even with the door closed she could hear them in her head, the shrill tones, the panic in their syllables, and most of all the fear of the unknown in which Daria had hurled herself.

"I've been to the Lane's twice!" Jake whined loudly, "I even went into the house and looked around but there was nothing there but a note saying that the Lanes were at a Family Reunion this weekend."

Quinn wondered if Daria would have tagged along but dismissed that out of hand, "Dealing with our family's problems is bad enough." She thought out loud while lounging on her bed with the TV on but not really taking in the images, "Why go to another family and get a double dose?"

Her parents had burnt up the lines and rubber on their tires going all around town to the LeVey's, the Lane's, the Crest's, the Feldman's, and at one point they had contacted the Landon's and the Mackenzie's out of sheer desperation but not a single hint of Daria Gianna Morgendorffer could be found anywhere.

"It's like she fell into one of those black bowls or something!" Quinn had whined at one point to which her parents had both yelled at her for some reason.

As if this was all her fault.

"I might have screwed up with Daria but I'm not the one that hit her." Quinn reminded herself while shifting position on her pretty pink bed in her pretty pink room but wasn't feeling very pretty herself.

She had tried calling the girls from the Fashion Club for any information but had gotten short shift from them.

"Big surprise there," Quinn muttered, "Considering how I blew up on them, but I tried so hard to save it, I really did but I… I failed."

She had to suppress sniffles since tears would ruin her makeup and her eyes would go all red and puffy.

It sucked not having friends.

She sighed and got up and off her bed and grabbed her copy of the yearbook and leafed through it again, going through the pictures of people that were close to Daria.

The major suspects were already eliminated, "Unless they're pulling a big cover-up like in those spy novels or something." Quinn muttered and decided to look at those who were friendly with Daria and had at least a semi-regular connection to her, but wouldn't stick out as a person she would go to for help…

"Well there is Tori I guess," Quinn thought darkly about the _traitor, _"But she and Daria only just started hanging out… Kevin?"

That made her laugh for the first time since before the argument, there was no way that Daria would go over to Kevin's.

"Everyone would think she was sleeping with him and Brittany would kill her!" Quinn said to herself and wondered if maybe Daria had gone over to the Blond Cheerleader of Death's pad to crash.

"…Nah." Quinn breathed.

It had to be someone else.

* * *

"Thanks for letting me stay over Brit," Daria said to the bouncy girl while setting down her suitcase and backpack on the floor of one of the guest bedrooms at the Taylor's, "You're the best!"

"Thank you Daria!" Brittany replied with a chirp while twirling her hair with a finger, "Your family sounds awful."

"They are," Daria replied honestly, "I'm just glad that I've got a true friend that I can depend on for my little getaway."

Ok that last part was laying it on a little thick.

Daria was nice enough to Brittany but calling her an outright friend was a stretch.

"But if it makes her happy then who am I to burst her bubble?" Daria asked herself.

She gave Brit a smile and asked if she could get something to eat.

"Sure!" Brittany chirped with a bounce in her step, "Let's get a snack!"

Daria in the meanwhile enjoyed the show of Brittany bouncing about the room, even as she walked and thought to herself, "Kevin cheats on _that?!_ God he's dumb."

* * *

In the Taylor's garnish kitchen with its all modern appliances, and the omnipresent big game trophies that littered the walls, Brittany's idea of a snack involved chips and salsa.

Not that she minded at the moment, anything seemed good.

But it didn't take long to gain extra company in the form of Brittany's little brother Brian, who for some reason made them both nervous even though he had a big smile on his face the instant he saw Daria.

Daria recalled what Brittany had told Barch's class during the presentation of their Mazes and suppressed a shudder at the cringing mouse in its box.

"I can't believe they don't have him on meds." Daria thought to herself even as he sat down with them and grabbed a handful of chips, his smile never quite reaching his eyes.

Then two more people entered the room and Daria guessed that they were Brittany's parents and had to turn a laugh into a cough.

Steve Taylor was 40-something with brown hair in a business suit and on his arm was a much younger woman who turned out to be Brittany's _step-_mother, Ashley-Amber.

A.A., as Daria secretly thought of her in a few seconds was thrilled to meet a new friend of Brittany's, Daria wondered how it was possible that this wasn't Brit's actual mother due to her almost exactly the same mannerisms and level of intelligence (i.e. NONE).

Steve was polite enough, until Brian began to complain about wanting to invite a friend over too, then Steve's demeanor completely flipped to a disturbing level of anger that was quickly matched by his sons and a screaming match was on.

What was even more disturbing was that Ashley-Amber and Brittany were unfazed by this.

"I'm in a loony bin," Daria thought to herself, "But it beats my parents… God that's sad."

She had to get very close to Brit in order to be heard over the noise and told her that she was going to put on some running shoes and go for a jog to clear her head.

"That's great!" Brittany told her sweetly, keeping her eyes on anything but her fighting father and brother, "Too many thoughts in the brain give me headaches."

"Why am I not surprised?" Daria thought to herself even while saying something sweet out loud and heading on up to change into running gear, glad to be away from the wall of sound down below.

* * *

Before she had managed to escape completely, Brittany had come up to her at the front door and told her that Kevin was throwing a party that night at his place and that she was invited.

"Sounds good," Daria told her new best friend for the weekend, "I'll call Skylar later and have him come with."

"Great!" Brittany had chirped and bounced up and down, and Daria thanked God almighty for those tits.

They were a perfectly good reason to get up in the morning.

But once she was out the door and jogging down the picturesque and unfamiliar streets with the wind in her hair, everything melted away.

"I'm glad Jane talked me into trying this." Daria thought to herself, "That other cardio stuff was getting old."

After that she let rational thought shut down for a little bit and just went where her instincts told her to go.

She managed a good run for about twenty minutes before needing a drink, then realized she had forgotten to bring a water bottle and her wallet.

"Dammit!" she snapped and felt like kicking the tree she was standing under in a small park in the Crewe Neck, so the kids of the 'good sort' wouldn't have to sully themselves in a public park.

She managed to find a water fountain and drank her fill before doing some stretches in her black sweat soaked track suit with matching shoes.

She rubbed the back of her right calf for a minute since it was a bit tender before needing another drink of water and turned around just in time to see a guy slowing down from his own run to join her.

He was wearing a form hugging blue and gold Lawndale Track suit, his brown hair was sweaty and matted to his face, his beautiful face.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her, "Daria!" He breathed in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"Out on a run," She replied with a shrug, "I needed to clear my head."

"Running's good for that," he replied with a charming smile, "And it keeps you in shape too."

Daria laughed while struggling to remember his name, "Yeah, otherwise I could never look like this and eat all the junk food I do."

He smiled again, "That explains a lot actually but… When did you start running anyway?"

"Oh my friend Jane does it all the time, and I started because I got bored with my old cardio routine." Daria explained while sitting down on a small stone bench.

He joined her and replied, "Jane… Oh that artsy girl that hangs out with you? Never would have thought."

Daria laughed at that, "Old Jane-o is full of surprises..."

She then remembered his name.

"Just like you Evan," she said after a minute, "I didn't know you lived in the Crewe Neck."

Evan Larson laughed at that, "Not in it, but within a couple blocks, the guards all know me so I can do my laps here."

"It pays to know people." Daria quipped with a small grin and a laugh that made Evan blush.

"Yeah…" He breathed, "It does."

* * *

After her run, Daria found the Taylor residence mercifully quiet and slipped up to her guest bedroom, grabbed a change of clothes, used the shower in the room's adjacent bathroom and went straight for her cellphone.

"Daria!" Skylar exclaimed once he answered, "What the hell is going on?!"

"What are you…?" Daria began before it clicked, "Oh my parents moved faster than I thought."

"Are you ok?" Skylar asked quickly in a panic and Daria laughed.

"Yeah I'm fine," she replied wearily, "I found a place to crash for a couple days until I can sort out the mess."

"Well could you at least tell me what the hell happened then?" Skylar asked with worry.

Daria filled him in and there was silence from the other end of the line for a minute.

Then, "…Wow." Skylar breathed in shock.

"…Yeah," Daria intoned, "The whole thing started over nothing and now… Well the cat's out of the bag I guess."

"I just wish you had come to me first though." Skylar replied with unreadable emotion, "I mean you _can_ trust me."

"I trust you Skylar," Daria assured him quickly, "I just knew that Mom and Dad would search at your place first, so I avoided anyone that they knew that I had connections with."

"Oh," Skylar breathed faintly and then added more strongly, "Well then… _where _are you exactly?"

Daria laughed nervously, "Would you believe Brittany's?"

Skylar laughed at that until he realized that she wasn't kidding, "Whoa! Wow you must have been desperate!"

Daria managed to laugh even while cringing inside and replied, "The only other option would have been Kevin's."

Skylar growled at that, "Yeah… That would have been a mistake."

"The pepper spray would have flown." Daria assured him and then added, "But Brittany wants to go to a party at his place tonight, mind taking us there?"

"Daria!" Skylar exclaimed, "The parties at the Thompsons are always football/sporto shindigs, lots of cheap beer, a handful of hot girls, and if there's a fight the cops will show up."

"So I guess that the parties that we've had at Jane's were more fun?" Daria teased to make him feel better.

"Hell yeah!" Skylar replied enthusiastically, "There's always cool people at Jane's parties and, we haven't done it in _all _their bedrooms yet."

She laughed at that, "Not for a lack of trying… So you'll take us?"

"Sure," Skylar replied with some reluctance, "But would you mind bailing early?"

"Not at all," Daria replied honestly, "Besides I'm sure once Brit's there, her Kevy will keep her distracted for the night."

Skylar managed a small laugh at that, "True, very true… So I'll pick you two up in an hour?"

"Sounds good Skyman," Daria replied sweetly, "I'll see you then."

They said their goodbyes and as soon as Daria hung up the phone, for some reason she couldn't quite shake the awkward vibe she was getting from that call.

* * *

Quinn had come up with a brilliant idea, having heard through the remnants of the grapevine that was semi-willing to talk to her that Kevin was throwing a party that night at his place.

As she went through her outfits to pick something that could hide stains she thought, "This could be a way to build up my status if I can land a cute football player or something."

She then reminded herself that there would be more than just football players there, but with Kevin being Kevin the overall vibe would be around the cult of the pigskin.

"Plus," Quinn thought to herself with a hint of hope, "Daria might show up and then I can talk some sense to her."

Quinn just wasn't sure if Daria would go to a party like that, she hadn't before in Lawndale.

"Well she did go to Brit's party way back when." Quinn reminded herself as she found a nice printed top that would go with her new jeans, "But that wasn't like the parties at Kevin's."

But she could still hope and dream, and found herself humming 'Full of Esteem' again.

It always made her so happy when she heard it, even if it was a song that only popular girls could appreciate.

She glanced at her poster of the band Fetal Metal hidden on the inside of her door and suppressed a squeal.

Their lead singer was cuter than all the guys in BoysRGuys combined as far as she was concerned.

* * *

In Skylar's sports car, Brittany squealed her appreciate for the ride, while Daria whispered to her boyfriend her relief at being away from the Taylors for a while.

"Her little brother is insane!" she hissed at him and then kissed his cheek in appreciation.

Skylar laughed and then said more loudly, "I've got some vodka and coke on ice in the trunk."

"Why?" Brittany asked from the back while twirling her hair, "Cus Kevy always has alcohol at his parties."

Skylar snickered and replied, "Yeah but it's always beer… I prefer somethin' a little stronger, if ya know what I mean?"

He snickered again but Brittany was confused and asked Daria for clarification.

She suppressed a sigh and began to respond but then they pulled up to a street filled with cars and Brittany squealed, "Oooooh we're here!"

"Thank god." Daria thought to herself, even as she started to wish that she wasn't there at all.

* * *

Kevin's cries of pain echoed through his own house for a full minute, nearly shutting down the party until everyone figured out that Brittany had seen him trying to put the moves on Angie.

They all shrugged and turned the music back up and the drinks flowed again.

While Brittany was distracted giving Kevin what he deserved, Daria and Skylar took off to find the keg, figuring that Brit had the situation under control.

"Besides," Daria teased, "She'll forget all about it in five minutes and they'll be all over each other like white on rice."

Skylar laughed but his joy didn't seem to reach his eyes, but before Daria could ask him what was wrong, they slipped out into the Thompson's backyard and found the keg, and Kevin's Dad.

"What's he doing here?" Daria asked with a laugh as two of the J's, Joey and Jeffy came up to them, Skylar put an arm around her and pulled her close.

They greeted Daria enthusiastically and when asked where their girls where got two different answers.

"Me and Jackie kinda broke it off." Joey replied with a shrug, "It sucks but… It is what it is."

Jeffy answered, "Jen got dragged to a visit to her grandmothers this weekend."

Daria went, "Oh." and then asked them why Kevin's Dad was there, now doing a Keg stand.

"Oh Doug's cool," Jeffy replied happily, "He always gets us the booze and food and stuff, plus the last party he brought us strippers!"

The two J's and several other passersby cheered that last, awesome party.

"Didn't you guys get busted on that one?" Skylar asked being a buzzkill."

"Yeah…" Joey replied sheepishly, "But they let it slide cus we're on the Lions!"

He got another cheer out of the crowd and didn't see Daria's frown at that.

The two of them grabbed some food and beer and went back inside, but even after they found a quiet corner, Daria felt strange distance between her and Skylar and when she asked him about it only got a vague sort of answer.

"I just don't like parties like this." Skylar answered dismissively and then excuse himself to go the bathroom.

Daria found herself alone and slightly depressed and wasn't sure why.

It was in her wallflower state that the last person she had expected to see here came out of the crowd wearing a nice black shirt, jeans, and brown shoes.

"Daria!" Evan Larson said in surprise.

"Hey Evan." She replied while scooting a bit to let him stand with her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked and when she gave him the scoop he laughed.

"So it's true then," Evan replied with a big grin, "You flew the coop."

"Yup." Daria replied flatly.

"How long?" He asked with curiosity.

Daria shrugged, "Not sure, but unless I can come up with something soon, I'll have to go back, though if that's the case then I plan to be spending _a lot _of time away from those people."

Evan laughed, "That'd be what I'd do if my parents tried to hit me."

Daria raised an eyebrow and asked how he had known that tidbit.

"Quinn's been asking around about you." He replied without missing a bit, "Unlike your rent's, she was more honest about what happened."

"The bitch." Daria muttered to herself while feeling her hands turn into fists.

"Glad I'm an only child." Evan teased to make her feel better.

"Heh, lucky." Daria told him with a smile.

Evan then leaned on the wall and asked where her boyfriend was.

Daria shrugged, "Bathroom."

Evan noticed that she didn't seem too thrilled at the reminder and wondered if there was trouble in paradise.

"Landing a gal like Daria would be freakin' sweet." Evan thought to himself, "She's hot, smart, and she can run! How could I resist?"

Out loud however he decided to say slyly, "You know if you do get dragged back home, you could sign up for a sport or something."

"…Why?" Daria asked him in genuine confusion at the topic change.

"Well if you signed up for something like swimming or… _track_." Evan said with a slight emphasis on 'track', "You'd have a reason not to be at home that they couldn't complain about."

"Oh Evan." Daria said sweetly, "Are you flirting with me?"

Evan grinned at that, "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't."

That made Daria giggle and a certain part of anatomy to jiggle in her tight red strapless top, which caused a flood of hormones to flood Evan's bloodstream.

But before either one of them could act on anything there was a high pitched voice that, for Daria, was like nails on a chalk board.

"Daria!" Quinn exclaimed as she ran up to them in the latest thing from Junior 5, "Ohmigod I found you!"

Daria facepalmed and muttered with a growl, "Quinn… go… away…"

"Daria!" Quinn said even more loudly and attracting attention, "We have to talk!"

Seeing no other way to get rid of the twit Daria told her, "Outside."

After they left, Evan was pissed at Daria's redheaded sister for ruining his shot.

But he comforted himself with, "Well I got my foot in the door and if things are rocky between her and Skylar… Well… They say everything fair in love and war and junk."

But in the meanwhile he needed a refill on his beer so he went to get one.

* * *

Outside in the front lawn of the Thompson's, Daria folded her arms across her ample chest and gave her little sister a cold stare, "Ok Quinn, here I am and we are now talking."

Quinn began alternating between freaking out, asking if she was already, and freaking out again.

"I mean I know things haven't always been good between us," Quinn whined, "But… but… I mean you ran away from home! Do you know how serious this is?! Mom and Dad are freaking out! Dad's torn out a good chunk of his hair! And Mom is totally beside herself and stuff."

Daria sniffed at that, "Mom and Dad giving a shit about me?! Now there's a first."

"Daria!" Quinn whined, "This isn't the time for your crazy jokes…"

"Jokes?!" Daria snapped at her loudly, shutting her sister right up, "I am not joking Quinn, Mom and Dad have NEVER given a crap about me. Unlike you, their favorite, the pretty little girl who always wore the pretty clothes to go with her pretty face and had all the friends in the world, and oh sure she never did well in school but they always forgave that because you were so FUCKING CHARMING that they could just gloss that over!"

At some point Daria had started to yell, but she could never remember when.

"Meanwhile there was me, the nerdy plain girl in glasses who was picked on for being smart and who liked to read and they were always saying, 'Why can't you be more like Quinn?' or 'If you would only try to be more like Quinn you'd be happier?' and shit like that!"

Daria then laughed very darkly at her sister, "Well guess what? When I turned thirteen and we went to Grandma's, you remember right? Of course you do you twit!"

Quinn stood frozen to the spot as Daria's verbal diarrhea hit her full force, "Daria…" Quinn began to protest weakly.

"Save it bitch!" Daria roared at her with pure bile, "Remember when we were at Barksdale Manor with Grandma and she introduced us to the Todd's?! Of course you do! That's where we both met Danny!"

Quinn stuttered, "I said I was sorry about that!"

"Shut UP!" Daria screamed with her face turning red, "You were the one who just HAD to spy on the two of us, wondering why a pretty girl like that would want to hang out with your nerdy older sister and you just HAD TO BLAB TO EVERYONE ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

The last was screamed with such force that it caused Quinn to cry.

Daria wheezed for air, "We were just sharing a kiss! A kiss that meant so much to me! It was the first time that ANYONE was able to see the real me, that anyone even cared…"

Daria fought back tears, "And then when you blabbed, Rita and Grandma had so much to say and Mom and Dad panicked and on the ride home yelled at me for ruining the trip!"

Daria then managed another dark laugh, "Well guess what I realized that night… Go on, guess… No? Well I'll tell you."

She then took a deep breath and said more quietly, "I realized that I didn't have to become you Quinn, in fact I could become… _Better_ than you."

She then gave her little sister an evil smile, "And I succeeded."

"So go run back home and tell that bitch that walks like our mother and our worthless father whatever you wish, but do mention that they got what they wanted. Me to be like you."

"They just didn't get what they expected from the deal… that's all."

Daria then laughed in her frozen sister's face one last then turned her back on her and walked back into the party, not giving a crap who had heard them.

From Quinn there was no response, not even once her sister slipped back in through the front door.

When the cops arrived a few minutes later due to several noise complaints, they found Quinn Morgendorffer standing outside weeping silently.

* * *

Daria smiled at Skylar, glad that they had kept their heads down while Kevin's dad had talked the cops down, in fact most of them just wound up drinking and chatting about football with the other Lawndale Lions.

Once they were allowed to leave, Daria was extremely quiet as she feigned sleep with her forehead pressed against the cool glass.

Neither of them were in the mood to party much anymore, so Skylar dropped her off at the Taylor's with only a minimum of fuss, but even his goodbye kiss had a strange distance to it.

Before she managed to enter the door, Kevin's jeep pulled up and Brittany clambered out, her clothes rumpled.

Daria snickered as the boyfriends drove off and let Brittany slip in first.

"There isn't a curfew," Brittany assured her as they went in quietly, "But Daddy doesn't like being woken up by a lot of noise."

"Okay." Daria replied with a whisper and followed Brit up the stairs, then nodded when Brittany reminded her to lock her bedroom door since Brian would sneak in sometimes to scare people or pull pranks.

Then once she was in and the door bolted shut, Daria welcomed the comfort of the bed with sheets and pillows with a thread count that made her feel like she had entered heaven.

Then she welcomed the bliss of unawareness and slept like a newborn babe for the rest of the night.

* * *

After witnessing yet another Steve and Brian blow up at the breakfast table, Daria took the chance to slip away and stepped outside and sat in the empty driveway, and spent a few minutes enjoying the heat of the morning sun on her face.

Then her cellphone rang.

"Hi Jane," Daria answered after checking the caller id.

"Hey Daria," Jane replied, "Me and Trent cut our foray into the netherworld early."

"What happened?" Daria asked curiously.

Jane laughed, "Heh, well the usual, a bunch of Lane's stuffed into one mid-western split level served as a good reminder why we all scattered in the first place."

"Wanna give me the gory details?" Daria asked even while knowing the answer.

Jane laughed again and spilled the beans.

"Ouch!" Daria said in sympathy pain, "No wonder you bailed."

"Yeah…" Jane replied before asking, "What about you?"

Daria laughed darkly, "My family was actually worse, after I got back from the party me and my mother started arguing and then it culminated in the bitch hitting me, so I ran off."

"…What?!" Jane yelled in disbelief.

"My mother hit me during an argument, so I bailed on them, I'm crashing at Brittany's at the moment but well… let's just say that on Monday I'm going to need other accommodations."

"Can we talk about this over a pizza?" Jane asked after a moment's pause.

"Sure," Daria replied nonchalantly, "But either Trent's going to have to pick me up or Brittany will have to bring me since it seems that Skylar…"

She trailed off on the last, not really sure how to explain _that _situation over the phone.

"Well Trent passed out from jet lag as soon as we stepped through the door," Jane replied flatly, "So we're gonna have to bite the bullet on this one."

Daria shrugged, "Hopefully Kevin will be at the Pizza Prince and she'll get distracted."

Jane laughed, "Or any guy with popularity and muscles."

"Sounds about right," Daria laughed right back, "So I'll see you later?"

"It's a date." Jane teased before saying goodbye and hanging up.

* * *

After Brittany drove her into town, Daria and Jane were spared the cheerleader's company when she found Kevin already heading in with some of his friends, one of whom Daria noted was an exhausted looking Mack.

But sadly she didn't have a chance to speak to him, so she followed Jane in and took their usual booth.

After placing their order, Daria and Jane got down to it.

"I feel like a mooch for asking you this but can I crash at Casa Lane for the moment?" Daria asked very reluctantly.

"Of course you can Daria," Jane replied without hesitation, "Our home is your home."

Daria smiled at that, "Thank you."

"No prob." Jane replied kindly.

Then after the food arrived she was forced to bring up the obvious problem, where did she go from there?

"Well unless I can land a miracle job that can legitimately cover all my expenses there's no way any court would grant me emancipation." Daria noted bitterly, "Besides my mother the bitch would throw every legal monkey wrench she could in the process to keep control of me."

"What about extended relatives?" Jane asked and then wished she hadn't at the grimace on Daria's face.

"Now there's a laugh and a half," Daria replied even more bitterly, "Aunt Rita and her mother are homophobic bitches, I haven't seen Amy in years, my father's grandmother is a 1950's housewife, and I haven't even met my Dad's sister at all."

"So no dice there." Jane commented.

"My best course of action is to stay away as long as I can," Daria concluded, "Then when I go back make it clear to them that it's for legal reasons only, I'll be away from them as often as legally allowable."

Jane managed a weak laugh, "I guess one of the wandering Lanes will be losing their room then."

Daria made another face, "That's the other problem, I don't want to be a leech…"

"It's ok Daria," Jane replied quickly, "You are not a leech."

Daria sighed, "I'd feel like one unless I could bring in some sort of income…"

A thought occurred, "But under the current idea, if I'm just crashing on and off at your place then the money I get doesn't have to be perfectly legit."

Jane had a dark thought, "Uh Daria… What are you thinking about?"

Daria smiled, "Remember that college prep course we took a while back?"

That seemingly random thought threw Jane off for a minute before her memory replayed the episode, "Yeah… But what does this have to do with…?"

Daria laughed, "I told you about the family trip to the Middleton, and how me and Quinn wound up being Keg Queens for rival frats… Until we were busted."

Jane nodded, not sure where this was going.

"Well before that happened, the tour guide, Heather I believe showed me her dorm room and I found something about college, that those kids will shell out cash for even crap essays just to get out of homework."

Jane struggled to follow Daria's thought process until it clicked, and she grinned wickedly, "…And there's Lawndale State just a bus ride away…"

Daria's smile matched hers, "And the guys of Mystik Spiral do seem to attract the college crowd…"

The next bite of pizza in Daria's mouth after saying that was somehow more delicious than the previous ones.

* * *

After collecting her luggage from Brittany's car, she and Jane were forced to hoof it back to Casa Lane, but Daria didn't mind the walk.

Along the way the other subject bothering Daria came up, her relationship with Skylar.

"All of a sudden he's gone from hot to cold," Daria explained, "There's this sudden distance between us and… I don't know how to close the gap."

Jane thought it over for a minute, "Well I think this whole thing freaked him out."

"What do you mean?" Daria asked in confusion.

"Uh…" Jane intoned, "Let's see, your mother hit you, you ran off, and yes you had good reason to avoid the Feldman's, it probably bothers him that you didn't trust him and you went to Brittany's instead."

"But I knew Mom and Dad would look at his place," Daria replied forcefully, "They weren't about to poke around at the Taylors."

"Yes I know that," Jane replied, "And in his head I'm sure Skylar knows it too, but in his heart… That's another matter."

Daria sighed, "Yeah… I guess it explains his behavior at Kevin's party."

"You went to a party at Kevin's?!" Jane said in surprise.

Daria laughed, "Yeah, wanna hear the details? There was a fight between me and Quinn too."

"I'm all ears!" Jane replied.

* * *

In the Lane's living room, Trent was curled up in a ball under a blanket in a corner, Jane and Daria sat on the couch, with Scarlett on speaker phone.

"Wow," Jane gasped, "That's what Quinn did to you?! That fucking bitch!"

"You don't have to tell me twice." Daria replied flatly.

From the phone, Scarlett said, "I heard that story from the gossip chain, though the details made it sound like you and Quinn practically jello wrestled."

"Gossip chain?" Jane asked confused.

"Brooke." Scarlett replied flatly.

"I should have told you guys earlier," Daria apologized again, "But I had a lot on my plate."

"It's okay Daria I think we all understand." Scarlett answered for the group.

Daria sighed, "Between school and this and Skylar… It's all slipping away from me…"

"No it's not!" Jane and Scarlett replied in unison.

Jane then added first, "You still have us Daria."

Scarlett then added her own two cents, "Jane's right, we three are friends through thick and thin, that doesn't change, ever."

For a long moment, Daria's face screwed up and it took Jane a second to realize that her friend was fighting back tears.

"Thanks guys," Daria replied with powerful, difficult to read, emotion, "It's… It's nice to have people I can count on."

Her lip trembled, "I… I haven't ever had that…"

The sex goddess began to shake and hugged her arms across her chest as if holding herself together, until she finally let it out and exploded into sobs.

It took a long time for her to stop, but Jane held her the entire time and Scarlett stayed on the line until she was done.

* * *

Quinn sighed to herself in her room, she had just gotten back home from a lunch at the mall with Stacy, it had been very awkward but she had done something she hardly ever did.

She had apologized, profusely.

"I'm the one that fucked up," Quinn reminded herself once more as she glanced at the very small amount of stuff she had bought (only two bags from RED, a lesser light among the hip clothing stores), "I've been fucking up for years."

She went over from her bed to her vanity mirror and stared at her reflection, but not the way she had before.

A million times before she had seen perfection in it, now with everything having fallen to pieces in front of her eyes, now she just saw a face, a tired face, covered in makeup, pretty yes, but…

"That's all that's there." Quinn said morosely, "It's all I've had, it's what made me what Daria said I was… The favorite."

Quinn glared at that reflection of herself for the first time in anger, "And now I don't even really have that… Daria beat me in everything because… because…"

She sighed in resignation and didn't finish that thought, it was still too much to bear.

"I'll make it up to Daria," Quinn promised herself again, "I… I don't know _how _yet but I will."

She managed to give herself a small smile, the first thing she had done with that promise was to give no hint to her parents that she had encountered Daria at Kevin's party, and had made up a story about being tired after coming home much earlier than expected.

She had no idea what the next step would be, but was determined to try.

"I have too," Quinn said to reversed image in her looking glass, "I'm the reason she's so screwed up, it's my job to unscrew her."

Then she realized how dirty could be taken if anyone had heard them and squealed, "Ewwww!"

After that she then tried to brainstorm some ideas but very little came to mind, except to wonder if there might be anything else she was good at besides being cute and (at one point) popular.

So far all she had was a blank.

* * *

In a back alley on Dega Street, even though the sun was up and out, there were still places where that little fact didn't matter.

Which allowed for the denizens of the rough area to do what they wished, as long as they didn't make too much noise.

Which is where Sandi was now, having dressed waaaaay, way down to blend into the background.

"It's better to be here than at home explaining to mother why I'm not, like the tour da force of LHS anymore." Sandi thought to herself, this time the bitterness directed at her mother Linda Griffin, rather than herself or the situation.

She walked through the back alley near the Zon, granted it was closed but it didn't mean that she couldn't loiter outside.

"In fact it's better if no one sees me." Sandi thought as she turned a corner and then was seen by someone.

She recognized him as a boy that went to Lawndale he had shaggy dirty blond hair, fang earrings, small blue shades, a cool demeanor, and his clothes always reminded her of the Scooby Doo character, Shaggy.

"Which is what we all, like call him." Sandi thought to herself, but her eyes zeroed in on what he was smoking.

A joint.

"Hey," he drawled to her, "Wanna hit?"

Sandi froze in shock, for a wild moment she wondered if it was a trick or something, but his sincerity convinced her that he wasn't playing a game.

Under normal circumstances she would have said no, then made fun of him for being a druggy loser.

But these weren't normal circumstances, "I'm just as big a loser as he is." Sandi thought darkly as she forced her limbs to move and took the offered thing from him and moved robotically to put it too her lips.

Then she inhaled.

Shaggy caught the joint as it fell from her hands as she gagged, "Virgin lung…" he drawled with a smirk and waited for her to calm down.

"Wanna try again?" he asked once she was done.

She looked up at him, having curled up around her stomach, her eyes now beet red with tears but something in her system felt… good.

So she managed a weak nod.

While trying her second toke of the sticky icky, one of the sleeves on her shirt came down a bit and Shaggy saw numerous cuts on her arm.

His eyes widened behind his shades, "Damn this girl is psycho…"

He had offered the joint to be nice, normally no one bothered him here on the weekend and he could get as blazed as he wanted, in fact he hadn't recognized her in those clothes, but once she had taken a hit it had clicked.

And now…

"This girl needs help man…" the guy everyone called Shaggy thought to himself, wondering if that drug counselor that his parents made him go too knew anything about shit like this.

"Not that he would," Devon thought to himself with a laugh, "He's a bigger pothead than I am."

The therapy his parents were shelling out cash for was clearly not working.

* * *

Once she had calmed down, Daria had gone upstairs to take a quick shower, then after changing into running clothes had dug out the number she had gotten from Brittany and dialed it.

She had to go through his mother but soon enough Evan Larson came on the line.

"Hey Lady D!" he said happily, "What's shakin?"

She laughed, "Not much, just wanting to go on a run, you interested?"

"Sure!" Evan replied with perkiness.

"I'm not in the Crewe Neck now," Daria explained, "Could you meet me at High Hills in an hour or so?"

"No problem Daria," Evan answered, "I'll be there."

"Great," she replied, "Mind if I get Jane to come with?"

"Not at all," Evan replied, curious to see if what she had said about Jane Lane was true.

"Cool!" Daria said with a laugh, "I'll see you there."

_Click!_

* * *

At High Hills during a basic sprint, Evan had immediately noticed that while Daria had the potential to be a good runner, Jane was already an _amazing _one.

"I think she's already better than me!" He thought to himself and had then decided to test that by offering to time them both against each other with a stop watch, the goal being to run between a chosen park bench and a distant statue of a general.

Jane relished a challenge, Daria decided it was something fun to do.

After it was over, Daria was panting, Jane seemed raring to go again.

"Pity she's with Charles," Evan thought to himself, "But Daria did hook up with Jodie… I wonder…"

While congratulating the two of them and then going on the long jog they had originally planned together, Evan had a fantasy of getting both girls together with him.

He had no idea if Jane would be up for something like that, but that didn't stop his hormones from telling him that it would be _really hot_ if it did happen.

That day at High Hills Park, Evan had one of the best runs of his life.

* * *

Monday morning rolled around with disturbing speed and Daria found herself in the passenger side seat of Skylar's sports car. The radio was blaring to fill the silence between.

But it was still getting on her nerves.

As they wove through Lawndale with the remnants of breakfast being thrown into their Cluster Burger bags, she found her voice.

"Sky," she said while turning off the radio, "Penny for your thoughts?"

Skylar managed to keep from gritting his teeth, his belly sick with powerful emotions he didn't understand.

After a beat he replied, "What do you want to talk about?"

It was Daria's turn to suppress her irritation, "This sudden pissy act you're putting on."

"I'm not being pissy." Skylar protested while blatantly pissed off.

They came within sight of Lawndale High and as soon as the car stopped, Daria reached into the back and grabbed her bag and retorted, "Could have fooled me."

Skylar struggled to convey what he was feeling but by the time Daria was out of the car and out of sight he still didn't have anything.

"Dammit!" he bellowed and punched his steering wheel in frustration.

* * *

As usual everyone was staring at Daria with intense curiosity and whispering, but this time the looks weren't completely about her looks.

The word had spread about her bailing on her parents and living on the lamb, like a character out of a story.

Not to mention how she and Skylar were avoiding each other like the plague, that was certainly a topic of great interest, a ton of guys (and some girls) had been waiting for the first signs of cracks in the Skyaria relationship and were now angling for the first chance to pounce the instant they broke up.

In the meanwhile Daria was quickly joined by her gaggle of friends, and Brooke and Jackie were visibly relieved to see that Daria was ok and safe.

"I'm fine," Daria told them sweetly, "No really… Everything will be alright."

In truth she had no idea if that was true at all, "But if I let them see my worry then who the hell knows what will happen." Daria thought to herself, assuring herself that the tough nonchalant front was the best route to go.

Then while she was at her locker getting her books, a now familiar glimmer and turned and said warmly, "Hi Evan."

"Hi yourself Lady D," Evan replied with a big smile while leaning on the opposite locker casually, "How you holding up?"

She shrugged while getting her stuff out, "About as well as can be expected."

Evan followed her away from her locker and walked with her, "Everyone's talking about you, more than just the running off stuff."

Daria sighed, "Let me guess… They know about Skylar acting like an idiot?"

"You have guessed correctly." Evan replied with a sly grin as they reached her first hour class and he added, "If you need someone to talk too or a shoulder to cry on…"

Daria smiled at him, "Thank you, I might have to take you up on it… depending on how things go."

"You're welcome." He replied before she slipped into her homeroom.

He then headed to his with a spring in his step while thinking, "Dude you are _so_ in!"

At the rate things were going, even if Skylar and Daria reconciled he had a guaranteed shot at her if and when they did wind up breaking up.

"Landing a gal like Daria would be like getting into heaven early." Evan thought as he walked past his fellow classmates, most of whom he could dismiss as worthless losers.

Though he did take note of Jane who was holding hands with Charles, which confirmed his guess about those two.

"Another point to me!" Evan thought and made a seemingly random swish motion with his hands as he walked on.

* * *

Jane wondered for half a second what Evan's little happy act was about before putting it out of her mind, and Charles said something that made her forget it completely.

"Did you hear about Mack and Jodie?" he asked her as they were heading to class.

"No, what?" Jane asked with morbid curiosity.

Charles replied, "They broke up on Saturday."

"Oh," Jane said flatly, "That would explain why Mack looks a bit blue and why Jodie didn't come in."

"Yup," Charles answered as they reached DeMartino's room and walked in, having to let go the instant they were sight of the teacher and took their seats, "But I think it's for the best, I mean neither of them took the relationship seriously until they did and I suspect that they realized that they didn't know each other at all."

Jane made a sound, "Pretty insightful… You should become a psychiatrist."

Charles laughed as Mr. D began to speak, "Nah, keeping myself sane is enough work for me."

"Sanity in this town?" Jane asked with a smirk, "Good luck, you'll need it."

Meanwhile Mr. DeMartino got the ball rolling by asking Robert a question about World War I and growled in frustration when the big lug confused it World War II.

"At least he got the century right." They heard Daria comment next to them.

It was the best that she could come up with.

* * *

After talking with Ms. Li, Daria took her pass from Ms. Lime gladly and walked away, happy to be away from Principal Genghis Khan.

"What a waste of time," she thought to herself about being called out of class to the office, "She could have just said all that in the hallway and it would have saved me the damn trip."

The only good thing was that it had burned through the rest of class so she found her friends in the halls and when Jane asked her what was up, Daria told them.

"Oh Ms. Li wanted to cover her butt, legally speaking regarding my 'situation'." Daria said and put the word situation in air quotes.

"That is the best euphemism for living wild that I've heard in a long time." Scarlett said without missing a beat.

Ronnie in the meanwhile nudged her shoulder and pointed at the couple walking past their group.

"Wow," Daria said in surprise as Tori walked by them on Jamie's arm oblivious to the world, "I guess Jane's party was the place for new hookups."

"Even when I'm not playing Yenta, I can play a mean Yenta!" Jane crowed with a fist pump of triumph.

Everyone was laughing at that when Charles arrived and put an arm around his girl and tried to kiss her cheek but she dodged it playfully.

"Save it for later." She told him and hope sprung eternal in Charles Ruttheimer's heart at the thought of what that next time might entail.

"Speaking of later," Daria added a bit more darkly, "We have O'Neill's next."

Everyone winced in sympathy pain and Scarlett asked, "Ok so how are you going to avoid Mr. Creepy and his need to 'help'?"

"I think I'll borrow Evan's running shoes." Daria said and while everyone thought she was kidding, she was in fact dead serious.

* * *

After setting a record at getting out of class, and ensuring that Timothy O'Neill couldn't finish asking her to stay behind after class, she breathed a sigh of relief and made a beeline for Evan's locker.

She found the man of the hour there and without saying a word took off his kicks and handed them over and he returned her hostages, her white sandals.

"So how'd it go?" Evan asked once he had his favorite running shoes back.

"I was able to scram before he could get the words out," Daria told him with the look of one who has completed a herculean task, "I couldn't have done it without you."

Evan's smile at that melted her heart a bit, "No problem Daria, no problem at all."

The blushing of her cheeks made her even more attractive, and even after she had to leave for her next class, the image lingered in his mind.

For Daria, what stood out to her was his devil-may-care look while leaning on his locker with his brown locks and gorgeous face.

"He's beautiful, nice, has a nice body," Daria thought before telling herself, "Stop it Daria you've got a boyfriend… One that's acting like a jerk right now… Ok I need to get Skylar talking to get to the bottom of this."

It was like that for a long time.

* * *

Quinn had spent the day staying out of sight as much as possible, between her ruined social status, the loss of the Fashion Club, and the events of Saturday night, it was all too much to deal with at once.

Instead she had spent her time mending some serious fences with Stacy and Tiffany, the latter of whom Quinn was surprised to see wasn't trying to mooch onto some other popular girl's popularity.

Until Tiffany pointed out, "Thhhee poppulaaarrr girrrlll isss Daarrriaaa."

"Oh." Quinn had replied to that one flatly.

Stacy as it turned out was the hard sell, it took two periods to get her to talk, and when she did it was pretty ugly.

"Quinn," Stacy said very coldly and with unusual spine, "Considering the crap that you said to me at the Roller Hockey game did you really think that I would just shove it all to the side and forget?"

"No," Quinn said surprising the hell out of them both, "I'm the one that screwed up, I've been screwing up even before I met you guys. I have a lot to make up for I know but just… Give me a chance! Please?!"

Stacy relented, but only after Quinn pleaded for a while.

But once that very tentative pardon was given Tiffany was the one who asked, "Buuuut wittthhhouuutt thhheee Faaashionnn Cluuubbb whhhaaattt willll weeee dooo?"

They thought hard on this during Bennett's class before Quinn had a brainstorm, "We'll just do something else!"

"But what else is there than fashion?" Stacy asked a bit confused and the three of them tried to brainstorm ideas to little effect.

By the end of class the three of them had headaches.

Then at lunch Quinn did have a thought but it didn't have anything to do with the subject at hand.

"Say Tiff," she asked her Asian friend, "When you guys all got that plastic surgery why didn't your nose have issues?"

Tiffany's demeanor didn't change a bit as she replied, "Iiiii diddddn'tttt geeeetttt thhhheee suuurrrgeeeerrryyy."

"What?!" Stacy and Quinn exclaimed in unison.

The tiniest hints of a smile were on Tiffany's bland and docile face, "Iiiii liiieeeddd annnnddd puuutttt taaaapppeee onnnn myyy noooossseee."

The smile remained even after she got up and took her tray up to be thrown away, leaving them both in stunned silence.

Then Stacy felt a nervous giggle escape her mouth and that broke the dam.

By the time Tiffany came back they were both laughing like loons with a couple of tears streaming down their faces.

* * *

Sandi sat next to Shaggy with some kids she hadn't really talked to all that much, she knew a couple of them from elementary school and others not at all.

"Jennifer 'Burnout' Burns," Sandi thought to herself with a glance at the blond girl with the slacker appearance, "She's dating Jeffy Mercer, he's in the bathroom."

Then Jennifer's brother, Josh Burns arrived, his hair as blond as his twin sister's wearing a blue track suit and baggy jeans, his eyebrow pierced.

Near them was the blue haired punk named Bob, she wasn't sure what his last name was since he moved to Lawndale the year before. Next to him was that Goth girl Andrea and that 80's metal head Angel.

Devon, or as everyone else called him Shaggy caught her eye and gave her a smile, she grinned nervously back and tried to socialize as best as she could.

"I'm glad we snuck out and toked before lunch," Sandi thought gratefully at Shaggy, "Otherwise I would have been too nervous."

When she got nervous she became even more bitchy than normal, something that he had told her wouldn't win her many friends.

She had started to snap at him until he just said flatly, "See." And had started to walk off.

It had taken a big apology on her part to get him to forgive her.

She didn't realize that he had done that on purpose to get the message across.

Her hand moved of its own accord and reached out for his underneath the table and he stiffened in surprise but relaxed and took it into his own as she began to find her stride and tried to open up.

"It's kind of a funny story," she said when asked how she and Shaggy had met, "You see I just _had_ to escape the house and wound up on Dega Street…"

As she related wandering up and down the big DS and getting lost until she found herself near the back of the Zon, Shaggy thought to himself, "She's off to a good start."

He gripped her hand a bit more firmly as if to say, "Keep it up."

* * *

The last bell rang and the student body of Lawndale rushed out to escape, lest some vestige of the building tried to strip them of their grip on reality further than it already was doing.

Since Jodie was out officially sick and her second in command, Jenna had a date that night, she told the newspaper staff that they were going to just call it an off day.

Which normally would have suited Daria fine but now that meant time back into her increasingly illegal situation.

The first test came when she spotted a very familiar blue Lexus amidst the parental cars that were pulling up on the curb to pick up their kids.

Daria got one look of this and hoped that she hadn't been spotted in the crowd and made a beeline for the student parking lot and found Skylar's sports car easily enough and never had she felt more relief in her life when she saw him coming up to her.

He reached her and said, "Hop in."

A bit more flatly than normal but not angry like that morning.

Then an angry voice emerged from the crowd, "Daria!"

"Let's go." Daria stated simply and got into Skylar's car and he pulled out and left Jake Morgendorffer in the dust.

Daria simply asked him to find a shady spot and he located a parking lot at a mini-mall for them.

As soon as the car was no longer in motion, she looked in dead in the eye and said, "Ok Skylar I want you to look at me and we are both going to talk about whatever has gone wrong between us calmly and rationally, ok?"

"Ok." Skylar answered contritely.

"You have the floor." Daria replied.

Skylar began to speak.

* * *

"Daria, I…" Skylar began before trailing off, clearly struggling on articulating what he was wanting to say.

He took a deep breath and then began again, "I'm not very good with… you know, emotional stuff, but I'm going to do my best, okay?"

Daria nodded, knowing that particular struggle very well herself.

Skylar blinked and said, "The whole running off thing, I have to admit it threw me, but in a twisted sort of way it didn't bother me… Since I've seen what your family is like."

It was her turn to blink and Skylar put a hand on her shoulder, "But what really threw me was _how _I found out about all this."

"Skylar I…" Daria began to say apologetically but he stopped her with a motion.

"It's ok now," Skylar replied, "I understand in my head that you had a lot on your plate at the time… But for me, learning from your mother, who by the way is pretty scary when riled up, that you ran off and thought that I was the one hiding you…"

He shuddered at the memory of dealing with Helen Morgendorffer, then his parents who had no idea what to think of the situation, until it was painfully obvious after Helen scoured every possible inch of their house that Daria wasn't there.

"It hurt," Skylar finished flatly, "It hurt real bad that you didn't trust me…"

"I trust you!" Daria answered very forcefully.

He looked at her with those big eyes of his and said, "At the time it felt like you didn't, but I… I can see the logic now."

Those eyes seemed to glisten and he said sadly, "I… I'm sorry that I started acting like a jerk to you Daria. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I… I nearly pissed it away."

"Can you forgive me?" he asked meekly with his head a bit down.

Daria was silent and her face was a mask of stone, impossible to read, until she nodded and said, "Yes, I can."

Skylar's smile of relief could have been used as a book light, and Daria gave him a small grin of her own.

He then managed a weak laugh, "But still… The Taylors?!"

Daria chuckled lightly right back, "It was all I could come up with on short notice."

Skylar began to snicker and it proved contagious and before they could stop themselves they were laughing like idiots.

* * *

"GAH GAH DAMMIT!" Jake screamed while driving without purpose along a stretch of highway somewhere in downtown, not wanting to go home and face his wife's accusing eyes.

Even while hurling verbal and horn abuse at his fellow drivers, and playing chicken with everything on the road and tailgating like it was nobody's business, his mind was in pieces.

"I screwed it up dammit!" Jake thought out loud and very loudly, "Oh it was supposed to be simple. Just ambush Daria after she left school and bundle her in the car before she could react. But she ran off, again! Dammit! Helen's going to chew off my dick for this!"

He then flipped from anger to weeping for a few minutes before falling back on the anger ball.

"And dammit neither of the women seem to give a damn! Dammit!" Jake complained while passing three cars at once and barely avoiding hitting oncoming traffic.

"Helen's thrown herself into work even harder than before, when she isn't trying to figure out a way to make Daria come back without involving the police!" Jake whined.

"And Quinn's been running around blowing it all off! Hell I don't really remember seeing her out of her room much all weekend…" Jake pondered for a second, then his thoughts fell on Daria again.

"Dammit!" Jake screamed and punched his horn, setting it off and scaring other drivers even more than they already were, "I can't believe that Daria would pull a stunt like this! Doesn't she even care about the rest of the family?! I mean I can remember all the times that my dad hit ME and I didn't even have the guts to up and bolt like she did..."

There was moment's pause in his madness when he realized that he envied her that kind of courage.

Then he wondered where it all went wrong, and that set him off again.

"I know that Daria's turned into a complete tart but that doesn't give Helen the right to hit her. I know who's fault this really is, it was that Danny slut or whoever who corrupted my little girl! Who turned her from a genius and into the damn town whore!"

Jake then froze in horror at what he had just called his eldest daughter, then had to apply the brakes to avoid hitting the car in front of him and started screaming at the other, innocent driver.

But it didn't make him feel any better.

* * *

Skylar walked into the Lane's with Daria and said as a joke, "Wow, there isn't a party. I'm losing my touch."

Daria gave him a small smile and replied, "Maybe next time."

Jane came bounding down the stairs and greeted them and gave Daria a question look and the sexy vamp answered the unspoken question.

"We've reached an accord." Was all that Daria would say on the matter.

While they sat down on the couch, Scarlett emerged from the downstairs bathroom and joined them.

"So what's the plan Lady D?" Skylar asked once they were all situated.

Daria smiled and replied, "I'm going to be spending a lot of my time here at the Lane's, though I will have to make some token appearances at my parents."

Skylar just went, "Oh…"

Then he gave her a hug.

Scarlett and Jane exchanged "Dwaaaaa." looks.

Daria then sighed, "I'll have to go back sometime tomorrow since even my mother will have to concede and call the cops if I wait too much longer."

She then looked more resolute as she added, "But I doubt that they'll object to seeing less of me, in fact I think they'll go for it with gusto."

The others were careful with their outward reactions to this, the last thing that Daria needed right now was pity.

She looked at Jane and said, "I'm not going to mooch either, I'll make money and try to cover my own end as best as I can."

Jane just nodded and said more practically, "Bedroom wise you've got quite a bit of choice, between my wandering siblings and the unused 'guest' bedroom. There is plenty of space to be had."

Daria smiled, "I'll take the guest room, on the off-chance that one of your siblings shows up looking for their old haunt to use."

Everyone laughed at that, the very notion of Jane's family congregating was ridiculous.

"What about the legalities?" Scarlett spoke up, "I mean in terms of emergencies and stuff, I know that Trent has power of attorney for you Jane. But I doubt that the State would extend it for Daria."

"I think I'll play that one by ear." Daria answered gingerly, "Though if Trent did find some sort of regular paying gig it would look better if, let's say CPS came calling."

Jane made a sound, "Trent… Working… Does… Not… Compute."

The uproarious laughter at that pretty good robot impersonation lasted for a few minutes.

But Skylar got his breath first and said, "Well maybe Trent could get something on that seedy area… Dega Street."

He then elaborated as best he could, "Isn't there like tattoo shops, piercing places, bars, and head shops and stuff down there? Your brother could get a job or something there easy and still not be a total sellout."

Jane made another sound in her throat, "…Good point. But I'd better run this by him first, before we get him a job… He has to be awake at regular intervals in order to keep it and all."

Scarlett snarked, "That might be his downfall."

"Might?" Daria teased gently.

"Ok it will be his downfall." Scarlett conceded with a shrug.

Jane then looked at her watch and said that Sick, Sad World would be on in a few minutes.

Skylar tried to turn on the downstairs TV before the girls had to tell him that it had been broken for years.

* * *

Sandi had made her first real shopping trip since her downfall, though she had avoided the mall like the plague.

"Too many popular girls," Sandi thought darkly as she stared at herself in the mirror, "Not enough hiding places."

The one time she had tried to go to Cashman's to update her wardrobe, she had been forced to run after a bunch of upperclassmen had spotted her and tried to shove her into a trash can.

Instead she had slipped onto Dega Street with Shaggy and that Burnout girl to a couple thrift stores and found some stuff that would let her fit right in.

"It isn't fashionable." She conceded, "But… It doesn't matter anymore."

So she slipped into her new things without a thought, the shirt was green and white stripped, tight and tattered, she had converted it into a belly shirt. The blue bellbottoms she wore were skin tight, she threw on a clunky necklace and wore her regular sneakers, fluffed up her hair and put on some makeup and was ready in only about seven minutes.

She gave herself a brave smile to stir up some bravado and grabbed her purse before heading out of her room.

"I'm glad Mom is pulling a double," Sandi thought with relief as she went downstairs for the front door and headed out, "It's bad enough with her trying to push me to keep trying to be popular again."

Even she had figured out that it wasn't in the cards.

But… A small part of her had truly ceased to care.

* * *

While the TV played on, Daria curled up next to Skylar and he put an arm around her, while Scarlett and Jane pretended not to notice.

Just as it cut to commercial, the doorbell rang, breaking the mood.

"I'll get it." Jane said with a weary sigh while getting up, once she was out of her room she muttered curses at the latest salesman to come a knocking.

"It has to be one of those jerks," Jane thought to herself, "People that know us, know that our locks are shot so they can just come in, the ones who bother to knock are religious nuts, vacuum cleaner salesmen, or just salesmen.

She couldn't' see who it was through the door window and growled to work herself up to deal with whoever it was properly.

"Whatever it is you're selling we're not… interested…" Jane said with rage as she opened the door and then trailed off into silence as she processed who was on her door stoop.

"Jane!" Quinn Morgendorffer said with unusual stress in her voice, "I need to find Daria! I have got to talk to her."

At those words Jane folded her arms across her chest and said very coldly, "She doesn't want to talk to you… She told me about Danny."

Quinn gasped and went, "That's why I have to talk to her!"

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't slap the taste out of your mouth, Quinn." Jane informed her with a twitch of her hand in her arms.

"Because I'm her sister dammit!" Quinn said loudly with a stomp of her foot, "I KNOW that I screwed up bad. I've been a stuck up little monster to her for… well forever. But I… I… I need to fix it."

Quinn seemed to crumble right in front of her eyes and Jane thought it over quietly, not taking her eyes off of Daria's younger sibling.

Then she said very carefully, "Come on in… No promises about what happens next though."

Quinn nodded, "I understand."

She followed Jane into the house and shut the door behind her.

* * *

"Quinn." Daria said very flatly, and very coldly once Jane had come back to her room and her younger, unwanted sibling had stepped in behind her.

Quinn replied very quickly with, "Daria, we need to talk."

Daria stood up, feeling Skylar and Scarlett looking at her with worry, Jane clearly torn about her decision to let Quinn in at all.

"About?" Daria asked in those dead, cold tones.

Quinn then began to struggle with what she wanted to say, but gave up and asked if they could talk somewhere more private.

Daria tried to think of a way around this, but all she could come up with was homicide.

So she just sighed and seemed to deflate and said to Jane, "We'll be outside at your Gazebo."

"Gotcha." Jane replied even as Daria walked past Quinn and led her out.

Once they were gone, Skylar spoke up, "Shouldn't we, you know, follow them and make sure they're ok?"

Scarlett answered, "Bad idea, they have to sort this out on their own."

Jane sat down in front of the TV, not really seeing the screen, "Yup, we'd just make it worse."

"Is that even possible?" Skylar asked himself as he grabbed a pillow and clutched it to his chest, like Jane and Scarlett next to him, he wasn't really seeing the TV screen at all.

His thoughts were elsewhere.

* * *

Out in the Lane's backyard, Quinn had to suppress her instinct 'ick' factor at the completely _unfashionable_ design of the place.

Even the gazebo was completely out of style.

"So you wanted to talk Quinn," Daria said in a voice that turned the air into frost, "So… Talk."

Quinn sat down on the opposite side of the gazebo, facing her older sibling, who was once more wearing her usual whore's uniform (as Quinn thought of it).

Then she did her best to shove that thought _aside _and focus on the task at hand, before her attention slipped.

"Daria," Quinn began unusually flat and quiet, "I've been thinking about the stuff that you told me at Kevin's party and…"

She fought back a sniffle before picking up the thread, "I… I screwed up. I shouldn't have ratted you and Danielle out like that."

She took a deep breath and swallowed, her voice cracked a bit, "I am deeply and truly sorry."

There was a long pause, Daria's expression was impossible to read, then Quinn spoke up again, "I know that you're not going to forgive me, not anytime soon anyways."

Daria stared at her in total silence like an ancient totem, she only moved to fold her arms across her chest.

Quinn deflated in front of her and said, "And yes I know that Mom and Dad have favored me for, like, years, but that's not my fault."

She then looked directly at Daria and said, "I don't know how to fix things between you and them, hell I'm not even sure I can fix what's wrong between us Daria, but I promise I'm going to try."

There was another long, awkward silence before Quinn said pleadingly, "Daria please say something."

Her sister took in a deep breath, her chest heaved, and she said very flatly, "I don't know what to say."

She had been analyzing Quinn, having seen her in all of her emotional states over the years, and she had a good handle on reading her.

"She seems sincere." Daria was forced to concede.

She still didn't trust her completely though.

But out loud Daria added, "If you really want to patch things up Quinn, and this isn't part of some plot on Mom's part, then… Well… We can start with something small."

"What would that be?" Quinn asked her with a touch of confusion and interest.

"We'll go back to Jane's room," Daria explained while rising up, "And we'll watch some TV together."

Daria then paused and took a deep breath and added, "I don't know where things will go after that… I guess we'll have to take it one step at a time and see, won't we."

Quinn managed a smile and said happily, "It'll be different Daria, I promise!"

As they headed back into the house, Daria thought to herself, "That's easier said than done, but… She deserves a chance."

Daria then added that it would be Quinn's second and only chance, but so far she was doing a better job than their parents.

"God that's sad." Daria thought to herself as she walked through the Lane's kitchen with Quinn in tow.

Once they were back in Jane's room, they got themselves settled and told them to hold all questions that night.

They watched TV in a semi-comfortable silence until it got dark.

* * *

In a dive bar near Dega Street, Helen sat on a stool at the bar, several empty shot glasses in front of her, three sheets to the wind and nowhere near as drunk as she wanted to be.

After Jake completely failed in his mission to get Daria back without a fuss, he had had the _gall _to blame her for everything.

They had gotten into a nasty fight, and now here she was, at a bar getting hammered with a cheap motel room booked for that night.

The morning after was going to be a bitch.

But so was she, so she didn't care.

"Helen!" the voice of her boss, Eric emerged from seeming nothingness and he sat down at the stool next to hers and ordered whiskey.

"Eric!" she said with the first real happiness she had felt all night.

"What's shakin'?" Eric asked as he downed his first shot.

"Family trouble." Helen informed him darkly before doing a shot of her own.

"Ouch!" Eric winced in exaggerated sympathy pain, "Wanna talk about it?"

She smiled at that, even though he was a bit older than her, he still had a boyish charm to him.

"Sure…" she slurred before ordering another drink, and gave him the once over.

Eric grinned and ordered doubles for them both.

* * *

At the Morgendorffers, Jake was passed out on the couch with an empty bottle of Wild Turkey on the floor in front of him.

That was how Quinn found him when she got home.

She just sighed and got him an extra pillow and a blanket and let him be.

* * *

Jodie Landon was wide awake, it was four AM but she couldn't sleep.

At all.

"Insomnia sucks." She muttered to herself as she watched television at a low volume in her room.

She still felt like crap since Mack had broken up with her, while he had proceeded to move on quick as lightening after a couple days.

She sighed, "At the rate he's going, he'll match Kevin's record for most cheerleaders banged in the back of their cars."

She turned off her TV in disgust, the light of her lamp making the glass of the television set create a reflection of the room, she saw herself in it and growled in frustration.

"Ok Jodie," she told her reversed image, "Enough is enough, Tomorrow night you are going out on the town and you are going to have some fun!"

Just another crappy day at school to contend with first, then she could figure out where she wanted to go.

* * *

Sandi was laughing like a loon as Josh pulled up in front of her house, he and his sister Burnout were in the front.

She and Devon were in the back, Angel had already been dropped off.

And she was three sheets to the wind, high as a kite, and the ecstasy pills were only now wearing off.

But that didn't stop her from sucking on Shaggy's face again for a good long while before having to pull back and saying, "I haven't had that much fun in years!"

He laughed back, just as fucked up, "Glad to have been of service."

She gave a lusty chuckle, "Oh… You'll get more than that soon enough."

Josh and Burnout both made sounds of approval, Shaggy blushed, but tried to go over for seconds, but Sandi already had the door open and was stepping out.

"Till' next time bucko!" she told him and laughed as Josh began to speed away, forcing Devon to close the door.

Sandi felt the crispness of the late night air on her skin and inhaled a breath deep into her lungs.

She smiled big and spread her arms wide and just looked up at the big night sky, she stared at it in wonder and said to herself, "It's so pretty… I haven't seen it like this in, like, forever!"

She was grinning ear to ear as she walked as quietly as she could to her front door, digging her key out of her purse.

She slid into the lock and turned it, stepping in only after taking her shoes off.

She made a few feet into the pitch black living room before a lamp came on, and there was her mother, Linda Griffin.

She was mad as hell.

"Oh fuck." Sandi muttered to herself.

This wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

Breakfast time in the Morgendorffer house the next morning was a silent affair.

That could be chalked up to the fact that Jake Morgendorffer was nursing a major hangover, Quinn didn't feel like talking, and now Daria _and Helen_ were M.I.A.

At the moment Quinn was just happy to be left to her thoughts, and boy did she have a lot of them.

Like the very tentative reconciliation she had managed to gain with Daria, or the conversation afterward when she had gone into the Lane's house and watched TV with Daria and her friends.

It had been very difficult at the time to keep her objections to herself but she hadn't wanted to risk… Whatever it was they had achieved so early.

"I still can't believe that Daria is just going to up and move out though," Quinn thought again as she slowly sipped her diet soda, "I mean there are like, laws and stuff against this sort of thing."

She was confident that their mother would put a stop to it.

The question was, would stopping Daria be a good thing?

Quinn wasn't sure about the answer.

She was dragged out of her thoughts by the sound of the front door opening, a few moments later a disheveled looking Helen Morgendorffer stepped into the kitchen and made a beeline for the coffee pot.

Jake was looking anywhere possible except at his wife.

Quinn sat wide-eyed and as quiet as a church mouse, praying that no one would notice her.

Helen turned around with a steaming cup in her hands, her eyes haggard and tired, she was clearly struggling to think of something to say.

She opened her mouth but froze before a single sound was uttered.

Quinn watched her mother's jaws snap shut tight and she sucked down her morning joe before walking out of the kitchen, muttering about a shower before work.

Quinn was so absorbed into watching her mother's retreating figure that she didn't notice her father at all.

Sitting quietly in his chair with a stricken look on his face, with an air of confusion and despair that came from not knowing what to ask or to say.

* * *

Sitting in the back of Skylar's car, Jane had a birds-eye view of Daria and her beau as they exchanged pleasant conversation.

Jane couldn't help but suspect that they were overdoing it a bit.

But she gave it a mental shrug, "Hey, they just hit a bump in the road and working on smoothing it over."

However she couldn't shake the feeling that she was witnessing the beginning of the end.

Thankfully she hadn't been really drawn into the conversation much, and they arrived at Lawndale High in short order.

As the three of them climbed out of the vehicle, Daria told Skylar she'd catch up in a minute and reached out for Jane before she could head on in.

Daria took a deep breath before saying, "Today is the day I get everything ready for the move."

Jane said very carefully, "Okay, so what's with the secretive act?"

Daria smirked ever so slightly, "Too obvious?"

"Yeah, a little."

Daria shook her head, and inadvertently sending a cascade of rainbow light off of her shimmering hair, "Well I'm going to skip lunch and sneak back into Morgendorffer lair and secure my cash and clothes while the rents are at work."

Jane motioned for her friend to start moving, as they headed into LHS, Daria continued with, "I'll call the moving van after school and I'll take the next day off and get the things that I can loaded and brought to Casa Lane."

"You are completely sure that you can get your parents to allow this?"

"I'm not giving them a choice, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Jane drawled.

* * *

As soon as Quinn Morgendorffer stepped foot in Lawndale High she was accosted by a squealing Stacy and Tiffany flanking her.

"Oh my god Quinn!" Stacy wheezed, "Guess what?"

"Uh… You landed a super cool date?" Quinn offered up, it was the best she could do that early in the morning.

"Noooopppeee." Tiffany drawled as she pulled out her compact and began to redo her makeup.

Stacy explained, "I heard from Luanne, you know that girl that lives on Sandi's street? Well anyway there was a big fight at the Griffins at like one in the morning."

"What?!"

"Yup!" Stacy nodded enthusiastically, "Apparently Sandi's mom busted her sneaking in late and one thing lead to another and they started fighting, as in physically fighting!"

"…Whoa!"

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh" Tiffany drawled absently as she moved on to her mascara.

"And the cops were called!" Stacy emphasized, "Not to mention an ambulance."

"Oh my god!"

Stacy added, "It was for Sandi, her mom did a number on her, did I mention that Mrs. Griffin was arrested? I'm not sure if she made bail yet."

"Is… Is Sandi ok?" Quinn asked hesitantly.

Stacy shrugged.

As Quinn began to get very, very nervous, none of the three noticed the boy hanging near them.

The boy with shaggy hair, blue sun glasses, and fang earrings.

No one noticed him leaving LHS for the day either.

* * *

As Evan shut his locker he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Jane and Charles were nearby, so he decided to lean on his locker, seemingly not paying attention to much so he could be a fly on the wall.

"Wow…" Charles drawled in a mix of awe and shock, "I mean I knew she was thinking about doing it but I didn't think she'd go through with it."

Jane just shook her head, "This is Daria we're talking about, and trust me, getting her out of that house is probably for the best."

"Yeah but still…" Charles began before Jane cut him off with a kiss.

"There is a silver lining," she added once she pulled away, "Quinn and her had a heart to heart, so there's at least one reconciliation in the works."

"What about her and Skylar?" Charles asked and Evan zeroed in like a hawk.

"They patched things up," Jane began and Evan began to feel the Earth fall out from beneath his feet.

"But," Jane added and a glimmer of hope bloomed in the lad, "Things still seem… off. I don't think they'll last too much longer."

"Phew!" Evan thought with a mental wiping of his brow.

Charles nodded a bit sadly, "Skylar's is a surprisingly nice guy, I mean behind the whole posh thing he used to do, but hey I guess that's how the cookie crumbles."

"Yeah," Jane drawled, "But in slightly happier news I'm thinking about joining the track team."

"Really, why?"

"Well normally I don't go out for anything that involves spending more time in school than needed," Jane admitted, "But I went running with Daria and Evan during the weekend and the kid was impressed."

"That's my cue." Evan thought to himself as he moved in casually to join in on the conversation.

"In awe is more like it." He said by way of introduction, "Jane I wouldn't say this to just anyone but you've got a real talent, as in world-class potential. Of course I think you should go out for the team."

To smooth things over he added a snarky aside, "Besides, it'll give Morris a heart attack."

That earned Evan a couple of laughs from Charles and Jane, and forgiveness for whatever amount of listening in he had been doing.

As he headed off to his next class, Evan felt good, damn good.

"I think I'll go for it," Jane thought to herself as she and Charles Ruttheimer went on to their mutual class with DeMartino.

* * *

At eleven o'clock, when most of the rest of the student body was at lunch, Daria Morgendorffer, Skylar Feldman, and Jodie Landon weren't eating.

Or even in Lawndale High.

Daria had asked Jodie to call in quite a few favors to ensure that Ms. Li's security apparatus would malfunction so they could sneak out and sneak back in without being bothered.

As the trio entered the Morgendorffer residence, Jodie laughed, "When I asked if I could hang with you today, this wasn't what I had in mind."

Daria smirked, "Sorry Jodie, but I have a few things to take care off."

Jodie nodded as she followed Daria up the stairs, Skylar in their wake.

Once they were in Daria's room, Skylar and Jodie had the pleasure of seeing Daria's Alice tramp stamp when she went into her closet and stretched up to grab a suitcase.

She set it out and proceeded to fill it with some clothes, then went to a drawer and moved some clothes around and pulled out a slightly beaten up looking box.

She put it in the suitcase and packed some more clothing around it.

"So how much are you going to take?" Skylar asked when Daria paused and began looking around.

Daria sighed, her beautiful chest going up and down in a stray sunbeam through her bared windows.

"Not sure just yet," she admitted, "It has to be enough to get by at the Lane's, but not so much that I can't be here comfortably either."

About a minute later Daria had her answer, "I might not need a moving van, since my room at the Lane's already has a bed, and I'm leaving this dresser drawer here so… The main things that I'll have to move are my desk, my computer, the desk chair, and my bone collection."

Jodie spoke up, "Then maybe you just need a regular van or a truck?"

"That sounds like a plan to me." Daria replied a bit more happily, "Plus it saves the hassle of getting a moving van."

She then shook her head, "I wonder why I thought I'd need one…"

As Skylar eyeballed the TV in the room and Daria's collection of movies, Jodie answered, "It's ok Lady D, you've had a rough weekend, just be glad you didn't drop the ball on something more serious."

"Are you taking the TV too?" Skylar asked from the background.

After a moment's pause, Daria slapped her forehead and went, "Doh!"

* * *

In a small room in Cedars of Lawndale, the main medical care provider in the Lawndale County area, a teenage girl whose face was a mass of bruises, a few broken knuckles, and her arms covered in self-inflicted cuts was sleeping peacefully.

Sitting unnoticed by everyone, a teenager named Devan Rogers was sitting a chair next to the bed, putting a comforting hand on the parts of her right arm that weren't covered in bandages or gauze.

Sandi was smiling slightly in her sleep, and Devan was just smiling.

* * *

As Helen Morgendorffer drove back home after an unusually short day at work, she was doing her best not to think about the night before, or the morning after, or the day she had just experienced.

It wasn't working.

She felt gut wrenching guilt and shameless desire at what had transpired.

The sickening awkwardness of coming home in the morning and seeing the twisted confusion on her husband's face, and Quinn as unreadable as Daria before her 'tramp phase' kicked in.

She had tried to say something, anything, an apology for the fight, a confession for…

She didn't complete the thought.

Instead Helen's brain skipped to work, and the strange and yet exhilarating tension between her and Eric, even while they acted casual, there had been those two different times they had slipped into a supply closet and… and…

As she reached Glen Oaks Lane her body felt a hunger that couldn't be sated by food.

Though the room key that was burning a hole in her purse could help with that later that night.

She pulled her SUV into the driveway and parked it and went in as usual, then after a few steps into the house she stopped in midstep.

Helen blinked and rubbed her eyes but the image didn't change.

For the first time since 'the incident' as she had taken to thinking calling the episode, was her eldest daughter, Daria.

Sitting on the couch with the TV on, though Daria was now turning that indifferent gaze upon her.

"Hello Helen." Daria said as flat as a stone.

"Daria…" Helen began to say before a rave of emotions began to well up, a mix of regret and anger that cut her off.

"I'm going to get to the point so I can leave faster," Daria said as though she was talking about the weather, "As much I want to, leaving this place behind isn't a realistic option."

Just before Helen could respond Daria added something that drove an icy spike into her heart.

"For now."

Helen shuddered and repeated, "Daria…" with confusion and a hint of regret.

"So for now I'll be spending _a lot _of my time at the Lanes."

Helen tried to respond again but Daria cut her off a wave of her hand, "I'm not moving out completely, I'll be around a bit, but don't expect to actually _see _a whole lot of me."

Comprende?

Daria rose from the couch, "I'll be sleeping here tonight, and tomorrow I'll take the day off so I can move the things I can't replicate at Jane's."

As Daria walked around her mother to head upstairs, Helen managed to rally and began to say, "Young lady! I know we've had our issues but I am NOT going to allow you to just up and leave like this!"

Daria froze in mid-step on the first step and turned to face her, her beautiful face the ultimate poker face.

"If you try to stop me I will contact CPS about the hitting and do everything in my power to get them to declare this place a toxic environment."

Helen found herself froze in place, her eyes unable to break from her daughter's steely-eyed glare.

"Even if I fail and I'm stuck here until my eighteenth, your reputation will suffer, and the one thing that I've learned from you, Helen is that you value your reputation more than your family, your health, or even life itself."

Helen managed a very slight squeak, everything in the fiber of her being was screaming at her to stop this, to fix this, to do _something!_

But she couldn't, because a nasty voice in her head was whispering about how true Daria's words really were.

"Trent Lane promised to get his drummer friend to bring his van tomorrow." Daria said plainly before turning round and heading back up the stairs without a single goodbye uttered.

Helen stood rooted to the spot, her gaze elsewhere, her thoughts in pieces.

"This wasn't a childish tantrum," her inner voice whispered with sorrow, "You lost her Helen… You lost Daria."

With slow, jerky movements Helen made her way to the liquor cabinet and poured herself a tall glass of gin, without ice, and began to drink it down.

After she was finished she did the only thing she could at that point.

She called Eric to see if he could make it to the motel room a little bit earlier than they had planned.

**THE END**

* * *

Note: I apologize for the long delay, but I had a round of writers block but I managed to get back into this, and this is NOT the end of the series. There is more Sexy Daria to come. The next chapter is currently titled 'The Misery Sex', if that tells you anything.


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